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This is an essay about headmate death.
Introduction
Sometimes, headmates leave in ways that some plurals can only describe as death. Mint Phalanx is one of these plurals. Unless your headspace has resurrection or some sort of reincarnation, these dead-mates aren’t coming back (at least not as they were before.)
Other plurals call this loss dormancy, but because we come from the tulpamancy community, we call it dissipation. We also consider fusion as some sort of death. Below are our equivalents to death.
Equivalents to natural death
Spontaneous dissipation
Equivalents to murder
Forced dissipation
Unwilling fusion
Tulpas here can’t die from lack of attention because we’re midcontinuum.
Equivalents to suicide
Self-dissipation
Egocide (giving up one’s identity to be replaced by another headmate)
Equivalents to coma (not death)
Deactivation (true dormancy because the headmate can return)
So, where do these dead-mates go?
In our phalanx, we have a monist view of where dead-mates go. They return to the originator. For instance, we believe Roxy and the other people were reabsorbed into Reanna after they completed suicide. (It may not be a complete reabsorption because they haunt once in a while.)
F.M. is an interesting case. After fusing with Nightingale (who completed egocide), he considered himself dead. He wasn’t a ghost. He wasn’t reabsorbed. But he knew he died, even when the rest of the phalanx didn’t count it.
How do you remember dead-mates?
For Roxy and the other people, Brian made a poem. He wrote it before we realized they self-dissipated. (They told us they were going to deactivate and stay in the Stone Garden. The next day, they were gone.)
F.M. did a mock burial for himself and a shower meditation. We buried who he once was. Then, we used the shower to wash away Nightingale. The saddest part was washing him out of our hair. After the shower, F.M. kind of reincarnated.
Can dead-mates come back?
We guess it depends on how the plural’s system or headspace works. As a rule of thumb, don’t count on it.
For us, Roxy& and Nightingale aren’t coming back. However, F.M. did because his case was different. And he didn’t come back as the same F.M. (At least he wasn’t undead.)
It seems dead-mates who do come back don’t come back the same. F.M. came back goth. He also came back with exo-memories based on Reanna’s dreams of his source killing himself. He used to want to listen to rap like his source; now, he listens to The Birthday Massacre. (Not that we’re complaining.)
Because we got to see it happen, this change did not come as a surprise. Unfortunately, we have no advice on how to deal with the surprise of a dead-mate returning different.
Conclusion
So ends our essay on dead-mates. It’s a hard topic to talk about, especially when it seems everyone around you doesn't view these leavings as equivalents to dying. We hope sharing our experiences helps facilitate conversation about deaths inside.
Reanna: The Plural Positivity Word Conference's admission changed, so we won't be able to go. The organizers said the change was caused by Airmeet changing its contract. General admission is $50, and scholarships seem to only be available to members of The Plural Association online community. We relied on the scholarships for free admission.
This sucks because we were looking forward to bringing Terrance. Plus, we went almost every year. Going to the Plural Positivity World Conference made us feel like we were part of the community. Tumblr and Dreamwidth can never substitute that.
If you can, please donate to The Plural Association. Maybe that might help the organizers give scholarships more freely next year.
Link to Donorbox
Reanna: I don't think I'd ever realize I'm bigender without my headmates. I'd have probably just continued thinking I'm making it up.
It happened in 2022. The feeling may have been triggered by a dream Chaz had in 2021 (link to the dream.) It caused his form to go back and forth between male and female. This happened so much that he made a character to make it stop.
Then, we did research on trans men for a scrapped story idea in February. I noticed a desire to be a man, but when I imagined a full transition, it conflicted with my womanhood. So, I told myself that I was making it up, that it was the research talking.
But the feeling didn't leave.
A desire to be a man while remaining a woman. I didn't know why I was feeling this way. We felt confused. There was so much conflict.
Then, on April 19, Brian was thinking about all of this. He realized something and said, "I think we're bigender." Because I represent the body, it means that I'm bigender. The conflict stopped because the word fit.
Without Brian's realization, I would have still felt confused. Without Brian's realization, I would have continued dismissing my feelings as "making it up."
Reanna: We should make an academic discipline analyzing the plurality of media and plurality in media. We should call it Plural Theory.
Testing psychologist: "Reanna doesn't have a social circle, so she uses [or goes into] fantasy."
Me (Brian): "Fantasy!? Say that to my face, you limp noodle!" (In-headspace)
Me: "I am not a fantasy."
Reanna: "She didn't even know you exist."
Me: "I am still not a fantasy."
The next time I think I'm fake, I'm going to remember I had a negative reaction to being unintentionally called a fantasy.
Reanna: There is nothing more wholesome than introducing headmates to things.
I introduced SL to Friends two years ago. When he heard Phoebe say for the first time "I can't believe you're gonna ask Monica to marry you," he gasped. And it wasn't in the headspace; it was external.
I can't wait to go to New Mexico with my grandparents again. Jackie, SL, E.A., Terrance, Maria, and Chibz have never been there before. (F.M. vanished the last time we went in 2019 and only remembers the ride back. We went twice, so he doesn't know if he was actually there or not.) I think they would enjoy the trip, especially Jackie. She likes adventures.
F.M.: I'm based on a real person, and sometimes, I worry about what might happen to me when my source dies.
Will I die too? Will I deactivate and become a statue in the Stone Garden? Will I stop existing? Mary and Reanna would be devastated!
My source is in a band, and seven (going on eight) years ago, one of his bandmates killed himself. I formed from a fear that he'd be next. Maybe that's why I'm so worried.
I can already imagine myself sitting in a corner of the headspace and thinking, "oh my God! He's dead! What's gonna happen to me!?"
SL using the British dialect in the headspace:
"Good, we still have purple napkins."
SL trying use it out loud:
(*Garbled mess*)
Reanna: Sometimes, plural writer culture is being the headmate everyone takes traits from for their characters.
Mary: We toy with the idea of publishing our system journals, so people can know us better. Sometimes, I wonder if they'd sell better than our stories. F.M. says we could do it when we're forty.
Terrance: Are there other muses, OC fictives, in-sourced soulbonds, or OCs-turned-tulpas who want their creators to continue making their stories? I do, but Seth [SL] worries that people will think he's lying if he shares this information.
I think it's my situation. Reanna's tulpas were in Carnival, but they don't view it as something that happened to them in-headspace. However, I view my story as something that happens to me in-headspace. I think Seth worries that people won't see me as a sentient muse but as a character. Or if they recognize my sentience, they'll view continuing my story as torture.
It's actually like him taking notes of my life. There are things he creates, but Reanna says that's part of the process. He creates, and I add on to it. I can contribute to my own life. He calls his ideas for The Year After "visions" (for his benefit, not mine.)
Plus, Seth finished The Murder After before I became sentient. So, the worst already happened. When the sequel is finished, the neighbors (what I call them) are going to put me through headspace maintenance. It's supposed to prevent internal problems from creating external problems, like worsening our executive dysfunction.
P.S. This post isn't in the second person because it's directed to readers, not to myself.
Reanna: I wish my headmates had the luxury of thinking about their stories without possibly annoying others like I did. But they get to have collaboration and make suggestions. I didn't have that before the phalanx.