Rodrick Heffley - Blog Posts

before the fnaf cast was actually released I always thought Devon/rodrick would’ve been perfect for the role of Michael

See before the fnaf cast was actually released I always thought Devon/rodrick would’ve been perfect for the role of Michael

The Afton/Heffley kids solidarity, idk where i was going with this

loser bf! RODRICK HEFFLEY hc

tags — fem!reader﹒sfw + nsfw﹒headcanons

loser bf!rodrick, who makes a huge show of pda whenever his brother is around. he’ll sling his arm around your shoulder and be like, “yeah, greg. my girlfriend. isn’t she hot?” greg is still fully convinced rodrick’s paying you to be his fake girlfriend, though he has no idea where he’s got the money.

loser bf!rodrick, who lets you sit in on band practice and tries so hard to keep it together, but the second his bandmates start flirting with you, he completely falls apart. his drumming gets so off-tempo that they have to stop and start over.

loser bf!rodrick, who lent you his algebra textbook and completely forgot he’d been doodling your name with his last name all over the margins. when you handed it back, smirking, he looked like he wanted to die.

loser bf!rodrick, whose idea of a date is a night drive to the gas station, where you both load up on slushies and hot dogs. you sit in the parking lot and steal bites off each other’s food (even though you have the same toppings)

loser bf!rodrick, who awkwardly asked his mom to use the “nice-smelling” laundry detergent on his shirts because he knows you like to steal them after having sex and he doesn’t want you thinking he’s gross.

loser bf!rodrick, whose mom acts like you’re already part of the family, offering you snacks and calling you “sweetie” every time you visit. she loves to (unintentionally) embarrassing her eldest son by showing you all of his baby pictures. all the while rodrick hides in the basement.

loser bf!rodrick, whose dad corners you during family dinners and awkwardly tries to sell you on how “rodrick is really a fine young man, despite, uh… some quirks.” you just nod politely while rodrick sits there, sinking into his chair with a beet-red face.

loser bf!rodrick, whose bandmates are constantly making moves on you, asking if you “need anything” during practice or offering to carry your stuff. rodrick will get so pissed that he threatens to kick them out of the band. you think it’s hilarious how defensive he gets.

loser bf!rodrick, who always gives you the front seat in his van, no questions asked. greg has to squish in the back with the instruments, too bad lol.

loser bf!rodrick, who pretends to be terrible at eyeliner just so you’ll do it for him. in return, he paints your nails—or you can also paint his (in exclusively black).

loser bf!rodrick, who acts reluctant whenever you drag him into photobooths at the mall. the two of you end up making the dumbest faces before you lean in and kiss him right on the mouth… with tongue.

loser bf!rodrick, who lets you doodle on his arm with a sharpie, and he refuses to wash them off. they stay there until they fade completely.

loser bf!rodrick, who finally starts wearing deodorant consistently because of you. it’s not even something you asked him to do—he just noticed you sniffing his shirts a little more critically and panicked. now, he’s always freshly applied before seeing you.

loser bf!rodrick, who gets hard every time you kiss him.

loser bf!rodrick, who tries his best to keep his room somewhat presentable whenever you come over. he knows it’s still a fucking disaster by normal standards, but for rodrick, clearing a path to the bed is a grand romantic gesture.

loser bf!rodrick, who’s obsessed so with seeing your hickeys on him. he never bothers to hide them—in fact, he wears them like badges.

loser bf!rodrick, who almost accidentally used the wrong side of the condom when you had sex for the first time.

loser bf!rodrick, who absolutely melts when you tug on his hair during sex. he didn’t even realise he had a thing for it until the first time you did it. now, he practically begs for it without using words, tilting his head back and grinning like a total idiot whenever your fingers get close.

loser bf!rodrick, who keeps every random thing you’ve ever given him — notes you’ve passed to him in class, concert tickets, even candy wrappers.

loser bf!rodrick, who hates being bossed around but will do anything you ask, especially if it involves you kissing his cheek or ruffling his hair in thanks. he’s so whipped and everyone knows it.

loser bf!rodrick, who brags to greg about how sexy and smart and pretty you are, just to rub it in, but secretly feels like he doesn’t deserve you. he gets this dumb, soft look on his face whenever you’re around, like he still can’t believe you chose him.

 fear-is-truth 2024 — all rights reserved. do not modify, repost, translate, or plagiarise my content.

Need this to happen irl🙏🏼

౨౿ rodrick who is such a loser, the first time you kissed he moaned into your mouth. his body leaning into yours, his hand sliding around your waist—the movement is so confident you think he’s getting cocky until you hear it, the light sound of satisfaction. you do nothing but smile into his lips before pulling away, “you’re cute.”

now, the loser loves making out with you sitting in his chair. your legs on either side of his hips as your shorts ride up your legs. to center himself like before, his warm hands slide from your hips to your sides, slightly making you shiver. your lips are wet with one another’s spit, both your heads spinning, noses hitting every now and again as you breathe in each other's air.

“rodrick!”

as if nothing has changed, noises slip from his mouth while you taste each other, your hand scratching into the short hair on the back of his head, not making him any better. his hands slide further up until he’s grabbing a handful of your breast but before you can even think about getting the shirt off greg’s voice takes over the room.

“rodrick, mom sa- EW!” the two of you pull away immediately, you look over at greg with a shocked expression while rodrick simply stuffs his face into your chest with a groan. he mumbles something, but it doesn’t reach either of your ears. “i think i’m gonna hurl,” greg says, making exaggerated gagging noises as he begins to leave. “oh my god,” rodrick moans into your chest in aggravation. he lifts his head to shoo greg from the room further, “get out.”

you hear the soles of greg’s feet hit each step as he leaves. rodrick leans back into the chair and you finally get to take a good look at him; his hair messy, his lips almost as pink as his cheeks, the pinkness creeping up his neck a little, lips slightly agape. you can only grin, “you’re really cute.”

I'm back with my sudden dive back into the diary of a wimpy kid fandom simply for gender nonconforming/bisexual rodrick AGAIN

I've gotten back into the diary of a wimpy kid fandom solely for gender non conforming rodrick heffley and I love-

THANK GOD SOMEONE GETS ME

everyone’s always talking about rodrick rodrick rodrick. yes he can get it, but what about the dad?????? HE can get it. hath we lost all interest in dilfs??????????

I thoroughly believe Kai would be a drummer. Like if he was in a band or knew an instrument it would be the drums. Like hardcore Rodrick Heffley energy.

im like if kat stratford and rodrick heffley had a baby

The teenage dirtbag characters

i know i was born in the right generation because i LOVE guyliner

i feel like the most unrealistic thing about diary of a wimpy kid is how nobody had a fat crush on rodrick.

When you go through your DVD collection that hasn't seen the light of day in YEARS and find Diary of a Wimpy Kid Rodrick Rules in which your a simp for Rodrick now...... this is why you should go through your things and not leave them to collect dust for years.

Slushy Night

Rod:

Come over?

Me:

Babe, it's 4 in the morning, how am I supposed to get to your house?

Rod:

I'll be over in five then

Me:

You are gonna be the death of me

(Read 4:03am)

I groan quietly when I hear the car motor outside, and drag my ass out the door. I make a dead bolt for the door of Rodricks van, quickly climbing in and slamming the door shut behind me. "Where are you dragging me to this time?" He grabs my hand and kisses the back of it, "Aw c'mon babe, stop acting like you hate it when I do this." "Yeah yeah, where are we going?" My annoyed demeanor drops when he smiles at me, my heart fluttering in the process. "7/11, 1 want a slushy."

He hands me the drink and we walk up to the cashier, letting him scan what we got and then quickly paying him in cash. Rod leads me out to his car and opens the passenger door for me, I put on a fake British accent, "why? Such a gentleman!" He snorts, and pecks my lips, "that was horrible." I put my hand on my chest, gasping dramatically, "how rude!" He rolls his eyes and bows down; putting on his own fake British accent, "I apologize my Queen, how ever shall I repay my wrongs?" I pretend to ponder it for a second, "hmmm, nap with me in the back."

"Is the Y/N L/N trying to get me to fuck her? And to think you were innocent."

SMASHHHHH i need him SO BAD i can’t even explain hes my biggest crush of all time pls just one chance it would be life changing i’ve never needed someone so bad in my life PLS I NEED HIM