Shazam - Blog Posts

So, fanart for @hermesserpent-stuff and their story on Ao3, Thundersnow!

My favorite superheroes as the Weezer blue album

It came to me in a vision

Captain Marvel gets kidnapped and put under a magical truth spell except it’s the Marvel & Billy Are Separate People AU so the kidnappers don’t get any info on his (Billy’s) secret identity

Kidnapper: “Alright Marvel! What’s your real name?”

Captain Marvel: “Captain Marvel”

Kidnapper: “what??? No! I mean your real name!”

Cap: “my real name is Captain Marvel”

Kidnapper: “what?! Ugh nevermind. How old are you?”

Cap: “I’m supposed to keep count of that?”

Kidnapper, getting more frustrated by the second: “just- just give me a rough estimate”

Cap: “at least a few million years, though I was asleep for a few thousand”

Kidnapper: “…”

Kidnapper, moving on: “well, where do you live?”

Cap: *shrugs*

Kidnapper: “you can’t just shrug! Where do you live?!?!”

Cap: “the rock, I guess”

Kidnapper: “the rock- WHAT IS THE ROCK?”

Cap: “basically a big cave”

Kidnapper: “YOU LIVE IN A CAVE???”

You know how it recently came out that there isn’t 8 billion people on earth and it’s actually a few billion more than that because scientists miscounted? I bet Cap would have known with the wisdom of Solomon

Batman: “and because there are 8 billion people on-“

Solomon (in Cap’s head): “that’s wrong.”

Captain Marvel, interrupting Batman: “that’s wrong, Mr Batman”

Batman: “what? I’m not wrong. Multiple sources say it’s 8 billion”

Captain Marvel: “and those sources are wrong”

Batman: “Captain, you do not have the time nor the proof to prove your theory. I know I am right.”

Solomon (in Cap’s head): “go get your friend Bartholomew to count. He is the fastest.”

Captain Marvel: “hold on, I’ll go get Flash to count everyone!”

Batman: “everyone on earth? Captain we are in the middle of an all out alien invasion. You cannot-“

Captain Marvel, running off to get Flash: “I’ll be right back Mr Batman! :D”