Shitpost - Blog Posts

Now THIS is art.... 😍

After seeing this my family was so happy with me they sent me on a special vacation to this white room with padded walls, wasn't the best vacation I've been on but the jackets they gave us were comfy 7/10 ❤

class 1-a as things my friends have done

deku: *yaps about the wrong topic in an essay* *gets 100%*

bakugo: saw someone fall over and cackled for 10 minutes straight

todoroki: thought weed (drug) was weed (irritating plant) in health class

uraraka: made a plastic bag 'fly' by using a hairdryer

iida: owns many pairs of glasses, each for a specific activity (e.g. reading, school, tv, etc.)

kirishima: received multiple dumbbells for their bday

kaminari: tried to microwave pasta with the fork still in the bowl

sero: wrapped airpods (as a gift) to look like a tricycle. it did not work.

mina: tried to show us their dance moves and proceeded to (accidentally) kick a tv

jiro: forgot to pause their music before unplugging their earphones and accidentally blasted hozier to the entire class

momo: so rich they didn't even realise they bought deluxe cinema tickets for the whole friend group

aoyama: dressed up as edward cullen for halloween. there was glitter in their house for months after

mineta: i would never do my friends like that. come on now.

tsuyu: tried to tie their hair into a bow ("guys i'm in my coquette era!!") and ended up tangling it so badly they had to cut it

hagakure: we played hide and seek and we couldnt find them. to this day we still don't know where they hid

shoji: brings nothing but a pen and some scrap paper to every class #minimalistcore

ojiro: dressed up as godzilla for halloween and got their tail stuck in the door

tokoyami: "who even listens to emo music" *mcr is their #1 spotify artist*

sato: baked cookies as an apology to a teacher (we yapped too much in the previous class)

koda: had a conversation with a magpie that they were convinced was our school principal

class 1-a as things my friends have done

deku: *yaps about the wrong topic in an essay* *gets 100%*

bakugo: saw someone fall over and cackled for 10 minutes straight

todoroki: thought weed (drug) was weed (irritating plant) in health class

uraraka: made a plastic bag 'fly' by using a hairdryer

iida: owns many pairs of glasses, each for a specific activity (e.g. reading, school, tv, etc.)

kirishima: received multiple dumbbells for their bday

kaminari: tried to microwave pasta with the fork still in the bowl

sero: wrapped airpods (as a gift) to look like a tricycle. it did not work.

mina: tried to show us their dance moves and proceeded to (accidentally) kick a tv

jiro: forgot to pause their music before unplugging their earphones and accidentally blasted hozier to the entire class

momo: so rich they didn't even realise they bought deluxe cinema tickets for the whole friend group

aoyama: dressed up as edward cullen for halloween. there was glitter in their house for months after

mineta: i would never do my friends like that. come on now.

tsuyu: tried to tie their hair into a bow ("guys i'm in my coquette era!!") and ended up tangling it so badly they had to cut it

hagakure: we played hide and seek and we couldnt find them. to this day we still don't know where they hid

shoji: brings nothing but a pen and some scrap paper to every class #minimalistcore

ojiro: dressed up as godzilla for halloween and got their tail stuck in the door

tokoyami: "who even listens to emo music" *mcr is their #1 spotify artist*

sato: baked cookies as an apology to a teacher (we yapped too much in the previous class)

koda: had a conversation with a magpie that they were convinced was our school principal

what are people's ACTUAL thoughts on gollum/smeagol bc his backstory is so sad BUT the first part of lotr 3 was ICKYYYY

Nearly 5am, can’t sleep, my brain:

LoOK aT tHOSE FEMININE HIPS

LOOK AT THE FANGS!

LOOKET HE!!!!!

who is this?

Xander looks like stripper.

HE IS COMPLETE

Chromgratulations, IS. You’ve managed to make Valter look more like a crack head.

I woke up at 3am just to make these.

HE HAS BEEN ADDED FINALLY! AS A BUNNY!!!

I hope he comes home.. Or else it’s Niles time ;)

He’s a delicate bottom be careful.

Rice in the fields,

Rice in the bed,

Im too cents less,

Im a mess

ROLLERBLADING W MA BOOKIEE🙏🙏😼😼

Anyone else just forget the password to their phone or computer? Even though they use it every day, it just doesn't register in your mind when you go to type it in, and then it's like the scariest few seconds of your life.

*cutely draws two twinks for school*

The long haired one is called Nickson Picke and the other one is called Pico Nickins. They're homosexual.

Bonus:

(handed this in too)

Not me being super gay for @f3ntime

(I'm tripping I shouldn't have drank coffee at 10PM)

They're my platonic partner now. Howdy partner, I know you're reading this. 🤠

Idk why, but I just wanted to post something…

Sigh… Being a blueberry is hard, guys…

You can't live without me. I'm your food, your oxygen, the one who holds the whole concept of 'living' in the palm of my leaves… So consider to stfu yourself, or I'll make you.

Sincerely,

~🫐 Anon.

Every part of my fruity being is offended by these comments. @f3ntime

you should probably

(Kidding! You're fun! I don't want you to die…)

Ready To Quit

Becoming a teacher was not on Midoriya’s list of to do’s when he was a child. The only thing running through his mind was becoming a pro hero. After losing his quirk and feeling the remaining embers slip away, he did everything in his power to avoid acknowledging how devastated he truly was.

 So, when Aizawa made the proposal to work at UA High, Midoriya was surprised that he didn’t have to try as hard to be okay with the new career path.

After spending his entire childhood bullied by his teachers for being quirkless, Midoriya knew he wanted to be the saving grace for many young and impressionable teens. He sure as hell needed Toshinori and Aizawa to get him through his first year at UA.

As graduation quickly arrived and passed, Midoriya was already preparing for the next chapter of his life. Every single college Midoriya applied to, he received an acceptance letter. Surprised they still accepted him despite his quirkless status, he took it as a sign and was ready to succeed. Considering his classmates were going to be busy with being sidekicks and interns for a while, Midoriya needed distractions.

Excelling in school was an obsession Midoriya had no problem falling back into. Before meeting All Might, focusing on school was a good distraction from his fate as a quirkless person. Now because that fate is a reality, why not go back to old habits?

School was officially his life; he had no issue embracing it. He decided to major in education and hero studies. He minored in quirk biology and psychology. 

Despite his friends being busy, Aizawa and Toshinori were two people Midoriya stayed in touch with happily. They often would meet for lunch and small catchups. Midoriya and Toshinori already had an unbreakable bond, but the one he formed with Aizawa was unexpected but welcomed.

There were days when Midoriya knew it would be more harm than good to stay cooped up in his room and would ask Aizawa if he could come over. Eri was older so she’d often stay nearby Midoriya doing whatever she wanted. Midoriya would bring over coffees and a small dessert for Eri.

Bakugo and Midoriya stayed in close contact as well. Unfortunately, their conversations were scarce because Bakugo was working himself to the bone. No matter how much Midoriya expressed his worries, Bakugo dismissed the concern and continued the way he was going.

Ignoring Bakugo, Midoriya would often make him bentos and leave it in the blonde’s mailbox because that was the one place Bakugo checked religiously for some odd reason. He’d get five messages back-to-back, each written in all caps. Midoriya would smile warmly at his phone before stepping into his first class of the day.

That process repeated his entire four years in college. As time passed, his classmates reached out a bit more. They were getting comfortable in their schedules, and many were finally out of the early hero stage and working as a respectable pro hero in their desired agencies.

Sure, a part of him was bitter at the extreme loss of contact. Bakugo was far busier than most of his classmates and still found the time to text or send a message or picture. In the end, Midoriya wasn’t too hung up on it and the loss of a familial bond wasn’t as painful after making some new friends in college.

As he began his teaching career, he knew this was where he was meant to be. Sure, becoming a hero and saving people to defeat the villain was ideal, but he was training a ton of people to do that every day. It was a wonderful feeling.

Aizawa was always up his ass, telling him to be harsher on the students to weed out those who will take advantage of Midoriya’s kindness. Stupidity wasn’t a good enough reason for Midoriya to expel someone. His punishments often came later when their training rolled around.

Those who crossed him usually feared doing so again.

Midoriya also sent a lot of the students to Hound Dog. Students held emotional and mental baggage that Midoriya could help with, but sometimes big interventions were needed. Hound Dog had reached out to Midoriya on numerous occasions wanting to know how the students were doing. They built a pretty good bond as coworkers for the greater good of the students.

Raising the next generation of heroes was intimidating, but highly rewarding. It was a big responsibility, and these students needed to know how to cope with their own problems on top of the ethical and moral troubles they would be forced to acknowledge in their journey.

Occasionally, he’d have class sessions dedicated to students asking him questions about his short time as a hero. He talked a lot about those he saved, the villains he’d met and changed, and how he dealt with the realization that their hero-based society wasn’t black and white.

Villains and heroes came in shades of grey. The students enjoyed those days when they got to hear about their young teachers' experience as a hero. It was also nice to know their teacher understood exactly what they were going through. Despite the hell Midoriya and his class had gone through, Midoriya made it clear no problem they faced was any less worthy of praise or worry.

Each teacher's way of educating was different as UA gave them free reign of how classes were taught. In the end, the second-year teachers were impressed with the progress of their new students made. Aizawa’s teaching method worked just as much as Midoriya’s teaching method worked.

When Midoriya was given a list of his next group of students, the excitement was just as high as it was his first time around. If anything, Midoriya felt more confident in his teaching abilities.

After he had a reunion with the rest of his classmates, the reveal of his hero suit, and the offer to join Bakugo’s agency, class 1-A was back and better than ever. Yet Midoriya was left trying to incorporate hero work into his busy teaching schedule. Aizawa even offered tips on how to get things done which was appreciated.

Just as the group was coming back to Midoriya, Midoriya had to withdraw. He appreciated everything they did to get him the hero suit, but now that hero patrols were inserted into his schedule, nearly all his free time was ripped from his hands and thrown in the trash.

The roles switched and Bakugo was now leaving bento boxes in the fridge of the teacher’s lounge. Even worse, Bakugo kept showing up to Midoriya’s class. Many days Midoriya would kick him out, on others Midoriya would drag the blond into the lesson.

One calm day of classes, Midoriya chatted with his class that if word got out that Bakugo was helping students at UA, his hero rating may improve. The students plotted ever since to leak of video of him helping out.

It was a peaceful day and Midoriya wanted to give them a bit of a boost from the hellish training he’d given them the day before. He gave them twenty minutes to write a poem about their time at UA. Then they’d present their poems and if time was left over, they could ask him questions.

Halfway through presentations, a large group from class 1-A decided to come over for a surprise visit since it was one of the rare times they were off on the same day. Many were eager to see Midoriya in his element, unaware that today was supposed to be a recovery day for the students.

Loud cheering came out of nowhere, causing Uraraka and Tsuyu to jump. Kaminari and Kirishima paused where they were and shared a confused look. Bakugo was unimpressed and far from surprised. Todoroki on the other hand was already reaching for the door, but his hand was quickly stopped by Mina and Sero.

“Wait a second, let’s crack the door first to see if we are interrupting something important,” whispered Sero, scooching to the entrance of the door.

Many of the heroes huddled around as Mina slowly pulled open the door. No one in the classroom seemed to have been paying attention because the cheering continued.

Midoriya was standing front and center in a nice suit with his hair pinned back in All Might themed hair clips. He was clasping his hands together with his eyes closed. “Ubukata… do not make me regret this.”

The class erupted into laughter again. Everyone standing by the door looked at Midoriya, growing more confused and entertained by what could be happening. Nonetheless, it was clear the class adored Midoriya with the way every teen was eagerly waiting for something to happen.

“I’m on a whole ‘nother level. Girl he only fucked you over cause you let him,” read Ubukata with way too much confidence.

The room remained eerily silent, Midoriya staring long and hard at the class clown. Everyone in that room was adorable and beyond charming even if some were more antisocial or aggressive than others.

“What… the hell… are you talking about right now? Maybe I should quit,” responded Midoriya slowly, beginning to scare those in the classroom. No one dared to say a word and Ubukata looked about ready to pass out or puke. Suddenly Midoriya rolled his eyes. “If you were going to just use song lyrics as your poem you could have just made it longer to win the prize.”

“No!” shouted Ubukata in defeat, falling to his knees.

All tension in the room vanished as small conversations picked up again. Midoriya looked at his list, smiling at what he saw. “On a more serious note, remember that you all are here to become heroes. If you have any criticism of how I teach my class or have any concerns about your place here, let me know. I’m sure many of you are excluding a lot of important opinions because these are being presented in front of your friends. Now, who wants to go next?”

Mina slowly closed the door again, her dropped jaw motionless as she turned around to see she wasn’t the only one completely flabbergasted at what she’d just seen.

The group shuffled down the hall a bit before Kaminari broke the silence with a whine. “Why couldn't Midoriya be our teacher?”

Smiling softly at the closed door, Todoroki sighed, “I’m just happy to see he wasn’t lying when he told us he enjoys working here as a teacher.”

Nodding slowly, coming out of his shocked daze, Kirishima agreed, “For sure. Those kids are obsessed with him! Even Kota looked mortified when Midoriya said he should quit.”

Uraraka let out some stiffled laughter, shaking her head to herself. “I’m more shocked he’s openly cursing and joking around with them. You’d think he’d want to establish authority with his class to set a good example.”

“I don’t see the harm in it. Our time at UA High wasn’t cupcakes and rainbows. I’m sure that hasn’t changed,” disagreed Bakugo, not appreciating how Uraraka was poking fun at Midoriya’s teaching style even if it wasn’t that serious.

Tsuyu, reading the room with ease, diffused Bakugo’s anger and critiqued Uraraka’s attitude. “It’s nice to see Midoriya while he’s teaching. We have no context of what is going on in that room currently or why Midoriya decided to have this activity. I’m sure he’s a great teacher and he’s passionate about his job and the students.”

Mina picked up on what Tsuyu was trying to do. “For sure! It’s always nice to have a break from the hustle and bustle of life.”

“Never say that again,” remarked Sero, wearing a wide grin.

“Whatever,” huffed Mina, looking away towards the door.

Bakugo, reflected on his recent conversations with Midoriya. “I know Izuku planned a quirk exertion test for the brats so he’s probably giving them a day to recover.”

Appreciating some context, Kirishima shivered dramatically. “Quirk exertion test with Midoriya as the teacher. I’m surprised any of them are still alive.”

Feeling a bit sheepish about her poor attempt of conversating, Uraraka pitched in, “Maybe having him as the teacher is for the best. He is great at analyzing quirks and their drawbacks. Out of all the teachers in the school a test like that would be executed safest by Deku.”

As they all rambled about what they’d seen, Midoriya being a teacher, and how Ubukata scarily reminds them of Kaminari, the bell rang. They all perked up, ready to show themselves to Midoriya. Bakugo took the lead, throwing open the door while the students were still packing up.

“Kacchan,” greeted Midoriya with a softness in his voice that the students weren’t surprised by.

Many greeted Bakugo with a knowing smile or disgusted look before heading out to leave. Only the group stopped when seven other pro heroes walked in like it was nothing. As the group of students started to squeal and gawk at the group, Midoriya seemed unphased despite their presence being a complete surprise.

“Hey guys, what brings you here?” asked Midoriya calmly, walking over to stand next to Bakugo.

“Wanted to visit you man! We all had a random day off and decided to come together,” admitted Kirishima with an energy Midoriya knew he’d always enjoy.

“Freeze,” announced Midoriya loudly, pulling out his phone, sending a quick text, and returning his focus back on the group. “I need to go for five minutes. Since you didn’t give me a heads up, my students can stay back and ask you questions. I’ll be quick, promise!”

Midoriya left the room, leaving the pro heroes stranded with the students of their close friend. All seemed well, the group moved to the front of the room as the students put their bags down to get their questions in.

Hands flew into the air. Mina took the honor of picking the first student to ask a question. After a quick whisper was exchanged with Bakugo, she pointed and called out. “Terumoto!”

The boy whose face was covered in scars was surprised he was called on. Lowering his hand, he knew exactly what he wanted to ask. “I swear we are all being lied to so… is Dynamight and Midoriya sensei dating?”

“Are they what?” screeched the group of pro heroes. Bakugo looked more annoyed than anything else.

Meanwhile, Midoriya was snickering as he lit his cigarette on the roof of the building. “Suckers.”

she’s-

She’s bootsing the house down

Me at 3:00am: *sobbing* my friends are all so sexy and beautiful and they refuse to believe how amazing they are they’re literally everything they’re there when my parents aren’t I love them all so much

Me the next morning: Hello you worthless motherfuckers I’m here to annoy you

Just did a bad thing

I regret the thing I did

Ernie is a powerbottom I said what I said, he likes to ride Bert sloppy then go get them some coffee and turn on the TV cause they been at this for 30 years and I think that’s beautiful

Happy pride month to the whole six(6) people who follow my blog! For this year’s pride I propose we sacrifice the straights to the Corona gods so that we may be granted safe passage out of quarantine and into a newer, gayer, better world.

How it should’ve ended

I was watching an asmr video where the whole point was that what he said was weird and nonsensical to sort of lull your mind and then he just said “This is a sock, it keeps your feet moist” and I feel like that phrase cornered me in a rainy allyway in mid 1930s America while wearing a trench coat and fedora, beat me within an inch of consciousness, stole my wallet and then threw me over the tracks of a freight train

I feel like it needs to be said but Twitter is basically heterosexual Tumblr and no one can tell me I’m wrong.

I hate my mind