Your gateway to endless inspiration
The deep painful introspective looks in the mirror at myself, have the same weight as someone's judgmental take on me, as they pass by with their first impressions as they judge either how I look, or how they chose to see me.
Either way it's as soothing to my soul as standing in one spot, barefoot on hot blacktop as the sun beats down upon it.
Maybe I never get to put away the knife, or better yet forget where I laid it. I'd settle for wiping it off on my sleeve and putting it in its sheath.
The untrusting darkness in me, combined with the auras that decide to pass by instead create the need to clench it so hard in my hand my knuckles turn white.
Fractured thoughts converge, tinting my field of vision around me.
It's not fear, but weariness.
I rather would choose the darkness or at least the shadows than to be laid bare in the unforgiving sun.
To bathe in the moonlight is to heal, to weather my skin to handle the torment of my waiting demons.
I see the silence in their touch, I hear the cold embrace against my skin.
At least their companionship is steady, the cuts, bruises, the crimson trail of thoughts they plant is expected.
I don't embrace them, but I've learned to depend on them for at least a normalicy in my life.
Without my anxiety, my demons that remind me in my sleep not to ware dream of a fairy tale life, I'd be tempted to trust those around me.
Instead I live looking for patterns... What do they want?what do they seek from me? What can I do for them?
Once they take a look at my face, or my intense soul the majority show themselves as weak, selective, callus in how they change, turn, ignore, block, or disappear.
Trust....
What the fuck is that anyway?
Unconditional acceptance... Yeah ok.. Now that's a beautiful fantasy.
I would rather be labeled too intense, or untrusting, I would rather always hold my knife and count on one hand those that may actually give a fuck about me, then to live like the lemmings that think popularity in numbers is love, or that kind words aren't laced with dark intentions.
This is a very open love letter to the one embedded deep in my heart.
Love
You are my obsession, I see your words /your face... My heart pounds and I feel calm, I feel perfect and right..... You are my addiction, I crave and need, in in those moments after our interactions I need, crave, my desire grows, so much I shake, you are powerful.
Don't ever feel you aren't strong, because i beg to differ.
You are my moon, my moonlight.
Why?
I look at the moon I feel calm, it's reflective light bathing us comforting.
I look up at the moon the same time as you and no matter our paths, no matter the distance, we are looking and loving the same thing.
Only you are my moon..my comfort, my inspiration. You are my light when all I see is dark, when I'm bright, you reflect my light, spread it farther than I ever could alone.
You speak to my heart, understand me in ways many could not, even when I don't understand myself you somehow find what it is I can't voice.
You take every part of my intensity, even though I know it's one of my biggest issues, you accept all my faults, the moments when I know it's my past trust /abandonment issues taking, and even when hard, with tears in your eyes, you not only handle me, but love me more.
I didn't have to learn to love you, and that is why it's so easy to love you.
The faults you carry, you know I don't see them as such, never have.
Thank you for your light.
Your love.
Your glow upon my life.