Your gateway to endless inspiration
They tell me it’s a woman's dream/an ancestral right passed down from mother to daughter
A fever lights beneath my skin/red orchids stretching and blooming on my shoulders and back
The great goddesses would smile and kiss my head for this/but I wish they would take it back
The moon with her eternal smirk dances with me/i feel just like the tide, thrown from side to side
My body shakes like a kicked dog/the tremors spread and the entire world seems to quiver as well
I do not feel like myself/ my mother fixes my clothes and tells me that's just how it is
I want to kill myself mother is that just how it is too/it’s not real, it’s just like a dehydration mirage in the desert she tells me
I wail and mother laughs at my dramatics/does she delight in the shared suffering we now have?
I want to cut open my stomach to strangle the snakes writhing in it/mother tells me she's afraid of snakes
I come to my father on my knees like a begging man/this is a woman’s matter he says as he turns his head
When I cry about my miserable existence asking for it’s justification/he says the same as my mother, it’s not real
There is not enough air in the world/but my “sisters” tell me to just breathe, like telling a dead man to still love
I take the tablets/the pills/the capsules/the pellets/the medicine/and I weep like i’ve never known tenderness
I tell God i’ll finally go to church if he takes the pain away and when he doesn’t/i say i’ll start worshiping Satan
I feel like a melancholic girl from the 1800s/banished to the countryside for hysteria
I wish I was hysteric/i wish someone could give me a prescription of living on the land
The little control I still have/i wrestle with like I’m a child trying to keep my favorite toy
The moon waxes and wanes as a crawl on the floor/a wounded bleeding animal
This is womanhood they say, this is punishment/take it back take it back take it back
The resentments and bitterness slip past my lips like puke/isn’t this beautiful, don’t you feel beautiful
I do not want this girlhood, this femininity/give me barren fields and an empty life
I sit with my “sisters” as we talk about Aunt Flow/in this we are a witch covenant bound only by mutual pain
I wish I could give away this regift of living as it was regifted to me/but there is only one way to do that
I feel bruised, achey, and weak/i wish someone would hold me
But mother says it’s natural/and father says to toughen up
I am already so small/why must you make me smaller?