beforetimebedevils
bee • they/them • writer
96 posts
Latest Posts by beforetimebedevils
Important rules/tips I've learned as an adult that helped with anxiety
If people are mad at you, it's their responsibility to tell you, not your responsibility to guess
If they're mad at you in secret anyways, they're the ones in the wrong, not you
If people don't like what you're doing, it's their responsibility to tell you
If they say it's fine when it's really not, they're the ones in the wrong, not you
People are allowed to be wrong about you
If they are wrong about you, wait for them to bring it up, because if you try to, you will inevitably overcorrect
Some people are committed to misunderstanding you. You will not win arguments against them. Yes, even if you explain your point of view. They do not care. Drop it
The worst thing that will happen from a first-time offense is being told not to do it again. Maybe with a replacement if you broke something
You can improve relationships and gauge willingness to talk to you by giving compliments. It's like a daily log-in bonus and nobody thinks twice about it
Most things are better after you sleep on them
Most things are better after you have a meal
Most things are better after you shower
Your brain makes up consequences that are irrational. If the worst DOES come to pass and someone acts like they do in your head, they are overreacting, and you are entitled to say "what the fuck"
If your chest hurts after you feel like you've made a social error, that's called rejection-sensitive dysphoria. It means your anxiety is so bad that it's causing you physical pain, which is a good indicator that you're overreacting. Tense yourself, hold it for 20 seconds, let it go, then find a distraction
If you're suddenly angry at someone after you feel like you made a social error, that's also rejection-sensitive dysphoria. You are going to feel annoyed about it for awhile, but being genuinely pissed off is your anxiety trying to find something to blame to take the responsibility off your shoulders, and getting scared because it can't justify itself. Deep breaths, ask yourself how much you ACTUALLY want to be angry at that person, then find a distraction
"Sour grapes" is more healthy for you than stewing. Deciding you don't like someone who's perpetually annoyed with you, won't talk to you, etc. makes letting go of anxiety over them easier
If people don't like you, they will find reasons to be annoyed with you when they otherwise wouldn't. If people do like you, they will find reasons NOT to be annoyed with you when they otherwise would. People do not ping-pong between the two
You DO have to make a conscious choice not to think about something. If you're having trouble circling back to it, say out loud that you're done thinking about it and why. Then find a distraction
When you're upset, part of you is going to want to make false bids for attention (suddenly texting differently, heavy sighs, etc. but when someone asks you about it, you tell them it's nothing). Do not listen to it. You gain nothing from it except more misery
People like to help people they care about. It makes them feel good about themselves
If you think you're insufferable for needing help, see above. Yes, really. They get a serotonin kick from it
If you think you're insufferable for mannerisms you have, you either have to consciously choose not to do them, or accept that they're part of the package that comes with you. Being apologetic about existing does nothing except make you more miserable
If you do things you don't like when you feel meh about it, it makes it easier to do them when you hate it
If you avoid things you don't like when you feel meh about it, it reinforces and magnifies how bad it feels when you hate it
Seriously. Read those last two points again. If you can make yourself make a phone call when you've got nothing to lose, you will slowly lose that panic you get when you have to make a phone call you haven't prepared for. You do have to CONSCIOUSLY take that step
Hobbies that make you care for something get rid of that nagging feeling that you're not doing enough. Go grow some rosemary
If you don't engage with your hobbies regularly, you will feel miserable, and anxiety will spike
Hobbies are things that give you a bit of happiness. They do not have to be organized or named to do that. Go be creative in something. Play with coins. Make up lists. Start a new WIP
No one cares what you look like
If people point out things they don't like about how you look unprompted, they are being rude. You are entitled to say "what the fuck"
People who like you will find you pretty to some degree. Minor things about your appearance go completely unnoticed. Literally, scars and dots and blemishes do not register to someone who likes your company
You looking at yourself in the mirror is 10x more closely than anyone is going to look at you
If you're anxious about your body type, and you're creatively inclined, make/write an oc with that same shape. Give them nice things and make other characters love them. Put them on adventures. You'll start to see yourself in the mirror more kindly
You care about wording and perfect lines/colors way more than anyone who views your work ever will
Sometimes when you're upset, you're going to feel like not eating. Do not do that. Not eating makes you more miserable
Same with things you normally enjoy. Denying yourself helps no one. You are punishing yourself for being sad. Stop it
Both of these will take conscious decision to break the habit of. Make yourself do it anyways, and it will slowly get easier
And again, to reiterate: If someone is mad at you, it is THEIR responsibility to tell you, not your responsibility to guess
@chasing-caws Reminds me of Mickey—
"I have depression." - character who has been through extensive therapy.
"I feel dead inside all the time and nothing helps!" - character who does like, regular introspective thinking and is aware of the concept of mental health.
"Leave me the fuck alone I'll be fine once I get over my stupid shit." - repressed character.
"It's fine I'm just having an Empty Time. What? Yeah, empty times, you know, when everything is like bzzzzzz in your brain and you don't shower for two weeks. Why, what do you call it?" - ooooughhh now we're talkin
i watched mickey 17 again and... and. can't stop thinking about mickey referring to the vaccine as his gift to mankind, like. the implications that his deaths were at least helping others live. and then the look on his face when he realized the nerve gas they were going to use to commit genocide was the one they perfected using his deaths. i'm going to be SICK.
@chasing-caws What if the Protagonist is the one who gave / will give that little charm/tassel thing to Neil— 😭
Neil, wait.
@spiralwaves Progress update on the "In Imago Diaboli" fanbind!
After weeks struggling with the typeset (note to self: never think "ahh, this is going so easily!" during a creative project because. that's just asking for trouble 😅 ), I finally got it to print more-or-less nicely... ignoring the printer skew, lol. Ah well! We're out of the typesetting and into the fire, or something, heh.
Awww thank you, chasing-caws!
@lohengreen <3
You are someone’s treasured mutual.
“The TARDIS wanted something and maybe it was this, maybe it was his hand holding the Doctor’s face, then neck, gently pulling him against his shoulder, and it felt like his lungs were filled with glass shards when the skinny body melted into the contact, exhausted, breathing wetting his shirt with tears.”
Based off of the fanfiction, Love by Lohengreen
yes they are toxic but it is because of the love. without the love it would be a lot healthier actually.
still the bone remembers
A month after France and Frank Harkness, Slough House is floundering beneath the weight of grief none of them quite know how to deal with. Fortunately, Catherine has returned, and she’s determined to fix things — starting with River, who’s carrying a secret that’s affecting how he acts both with her and with Lamb — until she and River are kidnapped from Slough House by a group of former slow horses that have a very serious bone to pick with Jackson Lamb. It will be fine. Catherine knows that Lamb will come for River, and River knows that Lamb will come for Catherine, and until he does they simply have to keep the other alive long enough to be found. But what they’re not expecting is that these former slow horses don’t just want to hurt Lamb; they want to break River, and force Lamb to watch it happen. But the former slow horses have made a significant error of judgement. Because with every recording they send of River’s torture, the more determined Lamb becomes to rescue his boy, and when he finally does get River and Catherine back he is never going to let them go. It’ll be a long, difficult road to recovery, but they’ll walk it together, all three of them.
or: the camcorder kidnapping fic, at last
read it here on ao3!
I gotta know what paper you're using for your text blocks? The colour looks so lovely and warm...
Thank you! I’ve totally fallen in love with it too!
Okay so because I can’t get uncoated paper stock where I live I’ve been trying out a few different things and landed on this which is recycled paper made from grass. I chose the one with a weight of 75g/m2.
And let me tell you, the smell alone is totally worth it for me. It’s really smells like dried grass. And it’s surprisingly durable.
🏞️ Never Enough Time: a Brokeback Mountain 20th Anniversary Fanzine Contributor Applications are Now Open! 🏞️
If you're interested in being a part of Never Enough Time: a Brokeback Mountain 20th Anniversary Fanzine, click on the application link here!
📅 Applications will be open from January 24th through February 23rd at 11:59PM MST.
📌 Applicants will hear back from the zine on March 2nd by 11:59PM MST.
Calling all Brits on this hellsite.
We all saw Elon Musk do the nazi salute at the Trump inauguration. We know that he is influencing and fanning the flames of right wing political parties.
And that very well may include ours.
Because Elon Musk has pledged to donate $100 million to the Reform party. He has since mentioned that it might be hard to give such a large sum now.
But I don’t think we should take our chances. And I think we can agree that letting billionaires influence our countries politics is a terrible idea.
If you also agree here’s a link to a Parliament petition.
It calls for the government to remove loopholes that allow wealthy foreign individuals to make donations into UK political parties (e.g. by funnelling through UK registered companies).
As it is a parliament petition the government are required to debate it in parliament. But for that to happen it needs to reach 100,000 signatures.
Non British folk I’m afraid you guys can’t sign but I encourage you guys to reblog so that more people can see this.
some sentences sunday!
this time from the truth serum-drugged river fic im having fun with :)
“You’ve truly outdone yourself in idiocy this time, Cartwright,” said Lamb to a River that didn’t look quite as dead as he’d been expecting. In fact, the boy was almost concerningly un-bruised, considering his usual state of existence was that of a fruit dropped on its head one too many times, and if it weren’t for the hospital gown and the tender dark circles beneath his droopy eyes Lamb would have thought he had just woken up from an impromptu nap. “And not even a scar to show for it. Are you losing your singularly irritating touch?” River blinked at him in the manner of a particularly dopey puppy and didn’t respond. “Right,” said Lamb, somewhat disconcerted. “Well, you’ll forgive my disbelief that you managed to escape a kidnapping situation unscathed.” “S’not very nice,” said River at last. It was the first thing he’d said since Lamb had arrived, aside from the somewhat dazed and loopy ‘Laaaamb’ that had greeted him upon first entering through the door, only Lamb was doing his best to erase that moment from memory. It had made his chest go a bit too soft for comfort. “I can be… unscathed.”
Here is your card for Bad Things Happen Bingo. Happy writing!
i love writing porn and i wont feel bad about it. understanding the eroticism of a character is character analysis if u are enlightened.
banked up a few of these while i've been busy writing :))
"There’s a docile sweetness to the way he leans into her hold"
"“Sorry,” he murmurs again, but this time she knows he means that he’s sorry for scaring her. His next ragged exhale whispers against the heel of her palm. “Didn’t mean to.” "
🌹🌹🌹🌹
to the surprise of ABSOLUTELY NO ONE i am once again yapping on about camcorder kidnapping :)
Carefully, she eases her wrist from River’s grasp and inches closer, moving with a snail’s slowness. “River,” she says, and then, choosing not to overthink it: “Darling, it’s me. It’s Catherine. Can I… can I touch your face?” She waits for his nod, which comes after an agonizing pause, before cupping her palm to the gentle curve of his face, the feverishly-bruised quality of it. Her thumb traces his cheek once, twice. “I’m sorry for shouting. I shouldn’t have. But you scared me, River. Your shoulder’s been dislocated. You can’t move it until I set it.” River’s jaw tenses beneath her palm, but gentles almost immediately. There’s a docile sweetness to the way he leans into her hold, a flower seeking the light of the sun, a cat sprawled under the amber-drenched sky. “Sorry,” he murmurs again, but this time she knows he means that he’s sorry for scaring her. His next ragged exhale whispers against the heel of her palm. “Didn’t mean to.”
Patrick James Errington, from "After All This Small Talk, You’d Think There’dBe No Weather Left"
The fanwork section on AO3 contains ten fanfics. You’ve read all of them and written three of them.
actually yeah this deserves its own post. river’s relationship with isobel and with spider being so similar… i loved you. i did love you. just not enough.
not enough stick around for you / not enough to not betray you. not enough to choose you over my freedom / my career. isobel wanted her own life, spider wanted his ambition.
i did love you. just not enough to choose you over the kind of life i wanted.
