felinewanderer

Latest Posts by felinewanderer

The PAIN that ESO addons are... UGH.

I've been binging horror game lore on YT and it makes me want to do more horror writing and interactions on my OCs. But I am always afraid of how far I can go before someone feels uncomfortable or hates it.

When I say "horror game", I mostly mean Fear & Hunger, Darkwood, Bloodborne, and I'm looking for more!

I was introduced to more Sanrio characters, and I found one who shares my birthday, and I am SO IN LOVE. Mocha and Chococat are now my two favorites. It would be the chocolate pair.

I am waning.

I feel as though I am in that final phase of the moon where it begins to vanish from the sun's light and hides for a few days - as if it's recharging.

Except I'm not recharging.

I'm simply spent. I have no motivation, no sense of hope, no desire to do anything... I just want to lay in bed and not exist. I have not contributed anything to the world these last three weeks and I'm on the edge of simply wallowing. I suppose I already am.

I have met obstacles and simply given up, neither going around them or over them. I simply sit down and accept that I cannot go any further, that I can't do anything better, that I'm not making any progress.

It's in every faucet of life. I've let it leak into my main responsibilities, but it started in my hobbies, my creativity, my self-care and health. I've gone back so many steps on simple things I've been trying so hard to do better with.

Drinking water? I gave up and now I'm dehydrated.

Walking outside? I'll just sit at my computer and scroll endlessly, hoping something catches my attention.

Hobbies? No thanks, I'll just sigh and flick YouTube shorts away over and over again.

I'm unhappy with myself. I don't feel good. I don't look good. My mental health is low. I am at a loss of how to pick myself up. I'm hoping my therapy on Thursday helps.

Thanks for reading.

⋆˙⟡♡You deserve to look in the mirror and think "I'm so beautyful and I'm worthy of love" and simply admire your reflection⋆˙⟡♡

i'm very low mentally, emotionally, and physically. i'm doing my best, but all i can do is coast through the day. i really want to work on things like gposes, but i just can't find the motivation to. so, i simmer today. instead i'll try to see everyone else's creativity.

I am really enjoying this game with breaks. Sometimes I just want to fight big monster.

As someone who wants to be an artist, seeing AI art makes me think it's pointless for me to even try.

What alternatives are out there to pinterest? I'm tired of dealing with the ai slop in everything.

I am having a very rough week mentally and physically. I've also been overeating every day and so that is weighing on me literally and emotionally. My cravings have been terrible, and I haven't gotten myself out and walking like I need to be.

This makes me really upset and depressed. I have to get myself back on track.

Amazon Prime Video: Hey, you've watched 5 seasons of this show! Do you like this? me: No.

I would love to try art again, but I can't stop comparing myself to other artists. I know they have been doing it for years and if I did, I could get close to that level, but my brain says "if not good immediately, no." Ugh.

Men only want one thing.

I've fallen back into drama youtube. Specifically, Gorlworld. I only really seen stuff on Amberlynne Reed, but wow... how do I get out?

I am only one, but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something. And because I cannot do everything, I will not refuse to do something that I can do.

My meds have been adjusted, and this is day three on the new dose. I am not doing well. We don't know if my body is metabolizing them, so this is doubling the dose to see if it takes. I am dissociating and I feel stuck in a dream. I don't know what to do with myself. I just want to cry.

When my husband comes to bed, he makes little noises and inches back into me until I scratch his head lightly to relax him.

It's the little things. I love them.

Blessed Belly Touch for a good week.

Allergies are kicking my butt. I feel TERRIBLE. My eyes are dry and burning, even after I use eye drops, my nose is BLEEDING from the number of times I've wiped it and blown it, and my throat feels gross... sob. I love spring but THE POLLEN.

My beloved cares not that it storms outside, only that the pile of blankets is comfy.

Part of me still wants to really get into trying to use makeup, but I have oily skin and makeup feels very expensive, so I always talk myself out of it. I'm not even sure what all you need to have a proper kit?

Any tips?

Finally sat and watched a movie again. The First Omen. Was pretty good, but those graphic birth scenes... wow. As someone who has an aversion to blood, they really got me throwing up over here.

I've seen the original Omen, but maybe I should rewatch it?

I started a project. Picking up the trash around my building and in this dense area where a lot of our little critters hang out. I filled a single trash bag today before I figured out how difficult it’s actually going to be. This picture is after I finished.

I pulled multiple plastic bags and picked up about twenty discarded alcohol bottles from under the leaves.

Gross. I don’t understand how people can think this is okay. I smartly bought gloves to wear beforehand.

I really want to do something meaningful, and I feel like this is a good deed that I am capable of doing. I do want to purchase a rake to better get under the brambles and to scope for any snakes that might be underfoot.

Not to mention the area between buildings. When my neighbors aren’t parked there, I think I’ll go snatch up all the trash in that area. If nothing else, it’ll make me feel better.

I know this is kind of a medium project that could be done easily with more people, but I don’t have any local friends to recruit. After this, I might start walking the neighborhood to pick up trash off the side of the road.

Anyway, I’m proud of myself for this. Even if I only did one bag, it’s a start to make a difference.

I bought my first houseplants in 5 years today! I am so excited to finally have some nature in my home!

In a month or so, I’d like to get some lavender and cat grass. I’m going to have to stop impulse shopping from today forward. It’ll be good for me.

I use the Finch app because it's cute and helps me get things done, but my Finch just discovered Mondays and geez... imagine not knowing what a Monday was.

The banana nut bread was successful, btw! Was very yummy and was my first "bread" recipe. Going to try sourdough, next. What a huge leap.

My husband is ill and there's nothing more I can do for him, so my mania is taking over. I've done the quiet clean ups and retried making banana nut bread with this recipe. The first time I made it I had a dumb and forgot flour... you know, the main ingredient in bread. I need more hobbies that keep my hands busy because when I run out of chores, my manic episode worsens, and I feel as though I want to crawl out of my skin and scream.

Bipolar really is something.

My husband is ill and there's nothing more I can do for him, so my mania is taking over. I've done the quiet clean ups and retried making banana nut bread with this recipe. The first time I made it I had a dumb and forgot flour... you know, the main ingredient in bread. I need more hobbies that keep my hands busy because when I run out of chores, my manic episode worsens, and I feel as though I want to crawl out of my skin and scream.

Bipolar really is something.

Tis the season of "Cool tattoo! What is it?"

While I feel good at the start of my day, it always begins to slow down, and the weight of depression settles in. It's hard to motivate myself to do anything and even if I do get it done, I feel as though I haven't done enough and have to keep going. I have to do a lot to feel I accomplished anything and by then I'm overwhelmed mentally. It's not a good feeling.

I don't understand why we can't have a Monster Hunter where we can just run around in the same environment and hang out. Why we can't just be bros and maybe see one another while we're doing other things. Explain.