☾ Personal blog with content pertaining to gaming, writing, art, self development, small joys, and spirituality.
153 posts
Latest Posts by felinewanderer - Page 2
In watching a video about photography, as I would like to learn and I'm using my phone to do so, it was mentioned by the host that photographers are often compliment with a statement similar to, "Wow, that's a nice photo! You must have a great camera."
Never, in my life, have I thought about the quality of someone's tool assisting their work. Honestly! It might be because I grew up drawing and later writing and doing digital art, but I never thought to tell anyone, "Wow! Your artwork is gorgeous! You must have a great paintbrush!"
That's so odd, to me. People have been creating art with literal trash and I believe it's all dependent on skill. It's just interesting to learn that people bring up the quality of someone's tool in a compliment.
Artists: Have you been told a similar thing? How did it make you feel? Have you ever told someone else that?
Another successful walk today. The weather was gorgeous and there were so many people out! I didn't talk to any of them (I complimented one's dress), but it was nice to just be around them. I also saw a naked squirrel (might be a rat, but it was running with a bunch of other squirrels) and how nature can't be stopped from going where it wants to go.
I bought a scale, as well. I am now below 260 lbs and I am so excited! I am slowly getting to a healthy weight and getting away from diabetes. I know it's only been two walks, but I have to stay motivated, so sharing these moments feels good.
Remember, only you can make changes for yourself.
i will love you in every life. (threatening)
I am quickly getting bored of webtoons... I understand building your story, but there's only so many twists and turns I can take before throwing up. I'm considering turning off the ride...
This is so average for most people, but for me... it's quite the difference (as you can see). I am a housewife, and I have a hard time motivating myself to do any kind of exercise, but today I walked. I walked and I enjoyed every moment listening to music in one ear and the frogs singing in the other.
The weather was perfect, and I felt so good about myself. Being outside in nature really cleared my head and I could breathe so easily with the fresh air. I feel so at peace, so calm and content. Fulfilled.
I am proud of myself for taking the first step. My hope is to do this at least 3 times a week, if not more. I would love to do it 5 times a week, but I know I need to start slow. My desire to get to a better weight and further from the diabetes that runs in my family is strong.
I want to be healthy, and I want to love my body.
"I think I'll do some drawing today!"
Cat:
I keep having this weird dream.
No this isn't a Kingdom Hearts fanfic.
I dream about being in a house with other people, who I can't name or recognize, but apparently, I know them. The house is never the same layout, but there is always one room that's pitch black and where I say the "witch" lives.
No one can go in there or you'll provoke her. You have to keep away from the door or she'll start coming out of the room.
It's unsettling and there's always some reason I have to go near the room. The room is a basement next to the laundry room where I'm supposed to do laundry. The room is right across from a bedroom I need to go into. The room is halfway up some stairs I need to ascend to get where I'm going.
I wake up feeling tension in my chest and unease. I'm not sure what it is, but this thing has been haunting me for about two weeks now. I don't like it.
youtuber finishes talking
me: mhm yeah
Friends, since I am in need of a hobby that isn't just being chronically online, I wanted to pick up and try digital art again. I used to draw... and I can post the last bits of art I did, but I would appreciate any tips or tricks or advice! I use CSP and a Huion HS610.
Time to overshare!
Therapy was a bit rough today, but I made it and I have goals to achieve. I'm keeping my head up.
Also considering joining a gym...
I love how MH:W has been me and my girl crew saving the world. Erik included.
70 F outside with a soft breeze. It's a beautiful day and all I wanted to do was sit in my front yard and exist.
So, I did. I quietly existed on the ground for about 20 minutes, just allowing myself to be. It was refreshing, comforting, and I felt that everything was going to get better.
February has been a rough month with lots of ups and downs in my mind. I know it hasn't been terrible, but my anxiety and depression have created this image of failure in my mind. I was ill over my birthday, I didn't do anything romantic for my husband over valentine's, I wasn't able to take part in the simple photography challenge I set up for myself because I just wasn't motivated.
This all gathered up inside and makes me feel as though I wasted February. Winter should be about rest - the calm, silent season before the colorful rebirth of nature. I think I'm ready for spring.
I think I have sat still long enough that I am simply wallowing in the quiet and unable to relax. I live in a state of anxiety, so it's difficult, but I am ready for life. I'm ready to live.
I need to stay positive, to stay motivated, to allow myself to take days off to simply exist, but I want so much to enjoy the world around me and feel connected to it.
I'm optimistic.
me: i love songs that are deep, hold meaning, tell a story, create elaborate images in my mind and move my heart while making me consider my own existence.
also me:
the late night urge to try and organize your tumblr...
i am finally exposing myself to nier lore and oh my god i am so sad
in horror games, i always want to stop and look at what's chasing me because i love monster designs, but this usually means death
which is telling that i would not survive an attack irl
boy am i glad that small white dot on my face no one would've mentioned is now a swollen red splotch that can't be hidden
Dear nerds, geeks, and fandoms,
It's my birthday, so would you please show & tell the pets you've named after your favorite character, show, book, or game?
I have two, creatively named by my husband.
Haun, named after Huan the great Wolfhound of Middle Earth. We had to adjust the spelling because people kept calling him Juan... And Rahir, which is a rough Quenya translation of "Lost and Found". Since he was a stray, it was very fitting.
Please enjoy tummies.
Happy Birthday!!🥳🎂🥰 I hope you have a wonderful day!
Thank you so much, Airis! 💟 Your creativity inspires me to do more with my own!
Happy Birthday!!! :D
Thank you! 💟 Thank you for following me for so long and your interest in my content. I appreciate you.
Happy birthday! I hope it's a good one.
Thank you! I will do my best to have a great day! 💟 Also, thank you for sharing all of your wonderful characters, thoughts, and likes with us! I love seeing you on my Tumblr dash!
Hey millennials...
Now what we aren't going to do is send anyone hate for what fandom they grew up in. We love media that helps us grow and learn. We were children.
me: Oh, it's just a horror anime. I'll just power through it to see if it's really worth all this hype I've seen about it.
me, ugly sobbing: Oh mY GoD
Valentine's Day? Spend the night watching Frieren with my husband saying "oh I'm gonna use that. oh i love that character. oh no i'm crying. oh no i can't stop laughing. oh no the animation looks good there."
“How can you enjoy horror?! How can you enjoy feeling fear and anxiety? What's wrong with you?”
I came across a video discussing this and it really made me think about myself, a horror fan who delves deep into the genre and loves to explore the different subgenres. But why do I enjoy it so much? Why do I prefer to sit in a state of anxiety and fear and watch others suffer?
The general answer would be: Because I am comfortable in that state. Those feelings I have lived within for most of my life, and it is where I feel most ‘safe’ in a sense. I feel that a lot of people can relate to horror in various ways.
Why?
Trauma. It all relates to the trauma I have endured from a very early age. Horror gives me various ways of sitting in these emotions and processing them. Even the different subgenres offer me different points of views and thoughts on how to approach these feelings and release them. No, I’m not talking about acting upon violence, because that’s just a very small part of horror.
Body horror is my favorite subgenre. The drastic metamorphosis of the human form turning into something we cannot comprehend - something that is alien to us. The suffering of being in that form that’s in between reality and the unknown. Struggling to understand it, attacking it because we don’t. I see my own body this way. I have never felt comfortable in my physical body. No, I do not suffer a debilitating disease or suffer the loss of body parts, but when I look at myself in the mirror I wonder, “Is this really what I look like?”
I forget that I do not look like the image I have of myself in my head and being reminded of that makes my stomach feel tight and I feel actual fear. I do not like how I look on the outside. I also do not like knowing what’s on the inside. Blood and gore make me queasy, not only on the screen or in a book, but in reality. The knowledge that my body is filled with fleshy pieces and liquid that can so easily be spilled and lead to my demise is terrifying.
Gothic horror. This one is a bit more subdued. It’s the past versus the present, time leaking into the future. It’s a reminder of how the past affects the present and how, in turn, the present affects the future. My past clings to me, I live in it. I am doing my best to let go, and movies in the subgenre and usually about doing just that. The happy ending of moving on from past trauma, of learning to cope healthily or close a chapter of your life to look forward to the future. This is a subject I desperately try to improve in myself, but this subgenre is where I feel so… understood.
Cosmic horror is so intriguing to me. It makes me dive into analyzing otherworldly subjects, working my mind to try and grasp whatever understanding I can from the horror introduced. It shows humanity struggling against an unknown but overcoming it… or being driven mad. It reminds me what it is to be human; how not understanding everything is terrifying, but real. We are not meant to understand everything, we cannot scientifically break down things and we can either accept that or fight against it.
Humanity’s true hubris is trying to understand the core of the universe, to examine everything in a way that we will have infinite knowledge and pluck at the strings of reality so that we can control it. How we, as a species, crave domination. This subgenre makes me take a step back, realize there are things we should not meddle in, and sometimes we should accept things as they are… lest we see what lies in the mountains of madness.
Paranormal fiction gives me hope. Strange, isn’t it? The idea of ghosts or demons haunting us. Thinking that we could be tormented by an entity that lives beside us that we only need to give an ounce of attention to. So why does it fill me with faith? Because I feel so alone. Not only due to my schedule of being someone who is only active over the evening and night, but because I have a habit of isolating myself due to my intense fear of abandonment. The paranormal is unseen right next to us and, as much as I don’t believe in spirits, heaven, or hell, a part of me does hope that maybe those I have lost are still here.
That I am not sitting here alone at my computer. Perhaps a phantom stands with me, watching me in intrigue of this new technology they cannot understand. Maybe a specter paces the hallway, reliving a certain moment in their lives over and over again, not knowing that I am here… but they are present. Is there a fiend wrapped around my shoulders, damning me throughout the day by placing me in difficult situations and causing havoc around me? Well, they’re dealing with my annoying optimism and having to listen to me break down, too. If they felt joy about it, I’m sure they would be tired of it by now. We’re just nagging each other at this point. Yet, neither of us would be alone.
It’s about grief.
It’s about self-animosity.
It’s about trauma.
It’s about feeling understood.
I enjoyed the show Stranger Things, for example, because I could relate to the characters. I was a gifted child who was exploited by the authority around me, I never felt that I fit in, and I tried so hard to do so. I was smart, but in turn I was looked down upon and still told I was not by adults. I had special interests but never found friends who shared in those. I was afraid of being alone.
Enjoying horror does not mean there is anything “wrong” with you. It’s a platform for exploring deep emotions, expressing questions we are too afraid to ask, and finding comfort in a way you can understand in a safe place. (By safe, I mean your living room or bed.) I know horror can be dangerous, but it can also be a form of therapy. Writing in the genre allows you to work through uncomfortable emotions, to get your feelings out in a way that doesn’t avoid those emotions.
I do not speak for everyone, and this is about my person views and experiences. I would love to hear the views and stories of others.
I am starting to hate Discord.
It has so many pop ups and so many "features". Discord is over engineering itself. It's no longer a nice simple platform to chat with friends, but instead a constantly moving forum. I hate that I have to join a discord server to get information on something because that's where the information is stored instead of on a forum or just placed on the internet.
It's turning into what everyone hated Skype for. In fact, it's pretty much there.
society tells me to be a boss bitch who makes lots of money
but all i want to be is a soft girl with a nice cup of tea