Actual Tears Running Down My Face

i feel like me and apple jack have been getting closer lately. today she was selling apples and i bought one and ate it while standing and looking at her. she said do you need something but i got acared and took a big bite and started choking in front of her. someone else saved me but she looked at me twice while they wwre doing it

view your sandwich analytics in the Subway app under the "My Sandwich" tab

I have little legs and little wings and a little segmented body

nothing hooters

🟪 minecraft-elvis follow

woah mama i tried to water bucket clutch in the nether

🟦 speedrunner-elvis follow

woah mama you suck

🟪 minecraft-elvis

bitch

🟦 speedrunner-elvis

wooaaahhh mama @/elvis-corrector he didn't say the line woah mama

🔫 elvis-corrector follow

say the fucking line or you go to the big toilet in the sky

🟪 minecraft-elvis

woah mama i'm being threatened *wiggles my legs in defence*

🔬elvis-scientist follow

this elvis is clearly in distress, they only wiggle their legs in such a funky way to ward off predators, the little guy thinks his life is in danger please be more responsible with your elvis husbandry

🔍 elvis-detector follow

BEEP

if there's one thing i appreciate about americans, its that they are DELIGHTED by "american love burger" jokes. they cant get enough of them! much like how they cant get enough of burger……

What do you mean you can’t find a job? Have you looked on Indeed? What about Linkedin? You should try Upwork. How about Rise? Have you tried Jobera? Take a look on Dribbble. You GOTTA be on Jooble, dude. Get on Jooble. Jooble has it for you.

it's a beautiful evening to microwave silverware

Hey bitches. Let’s fuck Monday hard

the really crazy thing about cooking is that once you practice it enough (for all the gamers reading this: "grind enough exp") your threshold for wuat counts as a low effort / depression / I Dont Really Want To Cook meal rises steadily and you can feel yourself becoming the kind of person whose "chill dinner" takes 1h45 and involves three pans