Boy Rotting - Blog Posts

no one gets it...and even if they did, the universe is keen on not making our paths cross. I wish to meet him, the him as crazy and angry and sad as me, he understands phone lines don't help with depression, he'll see people talk about SH and think he deserves it but he'll never do it since he's too scared, he bed rots all day, his bed has become his casket, his only sense of enjoyment is the media he consumes, he has soulless dead eyes and a nose comparable to gods, his eyes are auburn and hair dark curly but what is the point of being beautiful if people use that against you too? what is the point of being ugly if people use that against you too? he tries manifestation, witchcraft, subliminals, anything— to stop the voices in his head saying "this is all meaningless." because no one wants to hear that, no one wants to share pain, only joy. "who will share my pain with me?" he wonders. he is me. he is everything i am and everything I'm not. and I want to cling to his skin, not just mine. and I want to feel him inside me, not just my fingers. and I want to look into his eyes, not just from my mirror. Voglio vivere e morire con lui.....but he's just, not, there.

it is 11:40pm. i logically know that my friends are asleep and not deliberately ignoring me. does that stop the mean angry gnome in my brain from telling me they despise my existence in their lives? absolutely not

and the worst part is that the only person i have to talk to, is said mean angry brain gnome. 🙃

because everyone else is asleep. 🙃

chat should i actually block every single one of my friends from my hometown and completely isolate myself in another province

"read 2 hours ago" okay what if i just block you and you never hear from me again instead

is anyone else's mother a passive aggressive cunt for no reason or is it just mine

how the fuck do you make friends.

everyone else in my life gets to go hang out with their friends and go home to their partners and i hate it. i really hate to say that i hate seeing their happiness. it's not that i don't want them to b be happy and lead good lives, it's that im a fucking dumb jealous asshole.

everyone makes it seem like them and all of their friends just clicked together. there was no awkwardness at the start and everything just went so smoothly. meanwhile i can't get past the awkward small talk phase with everyone and it's completely discouraging. I dont want to end up alone. i don't wanna be forced into the shadows while i watch everyone else have a life besides me because i just flat out didn't deserve to have one.

tldr someone pls become unhealthily obsessed with me and i will offer the same in return

hello tumblr people in my phone im back and worse than ever

there is probably nothing good for you here.

• Adam/Adrian (i am indecisive call me fuckface if you want idc)

• 21

• he/they

a vent blog or something idk there are many trigger warnings