Breakup - Blog Posts

I look dead when I wake up in the morning. Literally, I look just like this:

Like a million year old lesbian who went through a bad breakup and is just trying to smile through it and act like she doesn’t care.

Too much love to handle

Tendou x Reader angst!

Word count: 835

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Playlist to bawl you eyes out while reading

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It hurts him to see you happy, with someone other than him. Tendou never let his guard down, even if his day was fully exhausting to him. But seeing you happy with someone else hurts him.

You both had gone your ways after you broke up two years ago in high school, and it took time to get close again, even talking was taking too much courage for Tendou, but eventually as time moved on, you started to be friends again.

You once came to his part-time job at a café just to catch with him up again. But as his best friends name came out of your mouth, his heart shrinked in his chest suddenly, making his chest hurt. Tendou just smiled it away as he listened to you talking about your date you had.

Each time the name fell, the pressure on his chest got heavier, but he wanted to show you of what a friend he is to you, just a kind friend. A kind friend with too much love to handle.

You always were loyal, and you could never betray your partner with someone else. Tendou and you just eventually realized that it wasn't the relationship you dreamed of, never enough for both of you.

But for his part, it was a lie. He was the happiest he's ever been with you, but he didn't wanna pressure things onto you, that you weren't going to enjoy. He wanted you to live your life at your fullest. Without him unfortunately. He couldn't give you enough love he had buried deep inside. Yet he still feels it, after those years, it didn't dissappear.

He smiled at you, you and Ushijima that visited his café to meet him once again, to have another date in this café. As you chatted, Tendou's body signals his little anxiety, feeling a pain in his chest as you seem happy, more happy than you ever were with him. He smiled the pain away, trying to make the coffee you and Ushijima ordered.

"we planned on going to that library afterwards" you said with such a calm voice, he never heard before. Calming but yet thrilling, at the same time hurtful with the word 'we'.

"You did? It seems like you really planned things out!" Tendou said, looking at the satisfied faces of you and Ushijima. It hurts to see them together. It felt like cheating, but it's all time that lead to things.

He gave you both your mugs of expresso and dark coffee and smiled at you with such a facade that was about to break in thousands of pieces if anyone would simply snap with their fingers. You thanked him as you went to a table, Ushijima putting his free hand on your back to lead you.

Him seeing you talk, smile bright as you looked at his best friend like you never did, chuckled, or just listened to him with such a soft gaze, let Tendou felt hurt, maybe even terrified. He couldn't concentrate on his customers anymore, his put-on smile trembling more and more. It let him feel so weak that he couldn't enjoy seeing you at your best, so hurt. All the time, his love for you never really faded.

As you said your goodbye to him, Tendou was slightly closer to break out in here. Your true smile, your perfect face, your charm, everything he loves is meant to be for someone else but him.

As you and Ushijima walk out of the glass-door, his arm around your shoulder, Tendou couldn't bear his feelings anymore. A tear slowly running down his face.

He quickly told his colleague to take over and went into the private area of the café, his tears uncontrolled. It was too much, too much to handle and he has to smile about it, about the fact that he was once again not exactly what he intends to show. His tears running down his smiling pathetic face.

What Tendou didn't know, Ushijima noticed it, his friend breaking apart behind his back.

"Wait here, I'm just using the bathroom from the café" Ushijima told you and went into the café once again.

Suddenly, Tendou saw the shoes from before in the private area, looking up to see Ushijima infront of him. Without hesitation or words, he took Tendou in his arms, them resting on his shoulders.

Curiosity is seeable on Tendous face, wondering how he got in here, but it quickly faded to acceptance, slowly wrapping his arms around Ushijimas body.

It was rare for those best friends to hug, as Ushijima is not much of a physical touch type, but he knew what was needed. Just a hug, a hug that lasted a little longer.

Tendous chest hurt, but the warmth of Ushijimas body filled him. It felt like a silent apology to him, an apology Tendou knew wasn't needed. Just a little longer.. He thought.

A little longer for the moment, to feel a bit better. Just a bit...

Ok hear me out I wrote the most bitter break up song here a verse:

I used to run with you put up with shit you do, listen to the shit you spew but I’m through with you

You wrap up your shit and treat like some kinda gift, but now I see all of you I’m through with you

P.s Sorry for saying shit so many times

It's deeply painful how one person can make you feel like you're walking on clouds and other times, the loneliest person to ever exist.

Last night, I realised how utterly lonely I am without my partner talking to me. It was heartbreaking, to say the least. I realised that I have no one left to call and cry to, at midnight. In the past couple years since I've been with my partner, I think I distanced from my friends, but I guess I was already isolated by then.

Anyway, last night, I felt so alone, so lonely, so alienated. It felt like a dagger to my chest when he said he doesn't want to talk. My mind took me to some harrowing places. It felt like our relationship was over and that he doesn't want me anymore. And that he was my go to person and now I've left with no one to talk to when I really need to.

I'm back to how I was before I met him. All alone, all by myself, surrounded by friends but no one to reach out when necessary. It sucks.

Another person to grieve.

Another relationship to remember, woefully.

A Reaction in Four Parts

When I asked if this was what you wanted,

you wouldn’t give an answer. The cancer

of uncertainty gnaws at my muddled

mind as I look back and wonder if all

this time was just a game when I saw you

in goodnights and birthdays and holidays

and futures. What sutures do you use to

close the wounds of unanswered thoughts? Perhaps

the good is lost in the bitter flavor.

  When I asked if this was what you wanted,

you responded with anger. A stranger

emerged, unwilling to talk, to give a

glimpse of what was beyond the steely stare.

I’d praise you for your perseverance, your

unwavering commitment to this last

decision, if only I could know my

words would even be heard. No pity in

your words, to make letting go easier.

  When I asked if this was what you wanted,

there was sadness in your tone, screaming through

the words that reluctantly emerged. I

could feel that you felt the pain that you dealt,

even as you said it didn’t matter.

Your subtle silences spoke volumes. This

was special. We were special. But that can’t

matter when you know that special can not

overcome unconcluded history.

  When I asked if this was what you wanted,

you wouldn’t give an answer, because the

answer is clear: what we must do is not

always what we want.

Handle With Care

An inevitable conclusion

looms just out of sight of

my weak and wondering

eyes. Either we will last

forever or we will burn,

crash to the ground in

ugly flames of sulfur and

shame. Goodbye, good

bye, hello, goodbye. No

more farewells I beg,

either stay or go. My heart

cannot handle one more

hello just to end in another

goodbye. If I let you go it

will surely break. Please,

stop these mistakes that I

am too fragile to take.

One of the best stories I've ever heard

I’m about to have a fun afternoon.

So my trainer’s bf cheated on her. She broke up with him. He’s holding her stuff hostage until she agrees to talk with him. Which she refuses.

She trains; for free mind you; three college linebackers, a college wrestler, two martial artists, a body builder, and… wait for it…. a Navy seal. We’re gonna go get her shit for her.

This should make for an interesting story.

man I just realized I stopped posting after my breakup. I'm happy I'm back ☀️

nevermind, she decided she wants to just stay friends 💔

^ me rn

GUYS GUYS GUYS GUYS MY BEST FRIEND AND I WERE JOKING ABOUT DATING AND THEN SHE TEXTED ME LIKE 'Wait how serious are we with it?' and i was like mmm im gonna rizz her up so i responded 'However serious you wanna be' AND THEN SHE?? ADMITTED TO HAVING A CRUSH ON ME????? AAAAAHHHHHH so i was like well FUCK YEA DAWG LETS DO IT LETS DATE!! IM DOWN!! so now we are dating GUYSS MY FIRST GIRLFRIEND FOR LIKE 3 YEARS 🥹🥹

I think it's so much worse this time because for the first time, I had someone. I had someone who I wanted to tell everything and do everything with anf it was reciprocated... For a bit.

But now, that's gone, but it feels like a new and beautiful path to happiness was unlocked and I got to see it and experience how wonderful it was, but now its gone. And even though it hurt so bad most of the time that good times were euphoric.

Nothing can compare to it now. So everything feels hollow and empty.

And I can't get it back because there is not a single soul on this god forsaken earth that would ever want me. Even the one who claimed to like all my odd habits left me and hasn't looked back once or regretted it.

I was just that easy to leave apparently.

But now I wish for a type of love that I will never have because who could ever love me? I sit here aching and so so empty.

I think it might've been better to never love at all. To not have any of these memories of a happiness I'll never have again.

I think it would hurt a lot less that way.

Because I know I gave it everything. It consumed my whole heart and soul and I had so much love to give because finally someone chose me! But now that love has nowhere to go because I got left out of nowhere like there was never a reason to stay.

So now I sit with all that love that I never got to give and it eats me alive. It feels like poison. The empty ache never leaves and when I finally make one step of progress I get sent right back again. And then suddenly there's more poison. Because my hope still hasn't gone away. It stupid and oh so painful but I still hope with my whole heart that I'd be enough to come back for, but I keep getting hurt time and time again.

And I can't stop myself. I go back willingly the second you show interest in me. Because my pride is already gone. My mind is already a mess, you can't possibly ruin it more than you already have.

I have nothing to lose and everything to gain, but everytime that I do gain something, I lose it right away. And I face pain all over again because I never thought that the world could be that cruel. I didn't think I would lose my only lifeline once again, but I should've learned by now.

No one was ever going to save me. They're just going to watch me flail and struggle as I try to find even the most insignificant reason to live. And then they cruely yank it away from me.

I can't keep going like this.

It would be easier just to drown.

How I sleep knowing I’m not coping with my breakup, I’ve failed maths, I need better meds and I’ll probably wake up two hours later and have a massive panic attack

You taught me that I should love myself first. That my happiness shouldn’t be rooted in another human. Because human love is doomed to fail from the very start and I should have ran away the first time.

I never thought missing someone could hurt so much. Then I lost you.

I'll be fine

"u never even loved me!!"

FUCK U

when i thought u died, i literally went through a breakdown during which i completely changed my personality, stopped e@ting n started cvting myself myself again after 3 months of being clean

soo, idk but i think that this shows that u ment at least a little to me, dontcha think?

Tw: vent

I got played and I feel kinda stupid now. I wasted a year and a half that I'll never get back.

It was my first relationship and I had to finally end it after he ruined my fun on my birthday and made me cry. I saw the red flags every step of the way, but he got upset everytime I got a little suspicious of what he was doing or how he was treating me.

He tried to get me to trust him as quickly as possible, and I kind of felt like he was manipulating me the whole time, but he kept reassuring me that he wasn't like the people who'd done it to me before.

I kept giving him chances, though. I didn't want my parents to be right about me being naive and him being a douche, because I knew I would be the butt of so many jokes. I just wanted to protect myself from pain and shame, but it just led to me taking shots from every possible angle.

I couldn't even ask them for relationship advice, because I felt like I couldn't tell them about it.

"You can tell us anything. If you need help, just ask."

I learned the hard way that I should tell them as little as possible, so I just kind of had to deal with this alone for the most part. I only know maybe one person I could talk to about it, but neither of us had ever had partners before so there wasn't much that could be done, other than giving an unbiased opinion and moral support.

I just feel so stupid after being gaslit for so long. It should've been so much easier to break away. I can spot gaslighting so easily since I've been experiencing it for so long, but he kept making excuses and either talking his way out of it or ignoring me for days on end.

A year and a half and I know very little about him.

He proposed to me in a discord call last August.

Maybe I was right from the start. Maybe it really was too good to be true and he never actually cared that much about me.