Depressiv - Blog Posts

Everyday, and counting.

“Sometimes I feel dead, and I hate everybody”

Ottessa Moshfegh “My Year of Rest and Relaxation”

I fear it's getting bad again

Trying to be happy but always meeting with some obstacle

I dont see my therapist again until school starts and I've just unlocked a new trauma. I can only talk to one person about it and I'm freaking out. I hate this. I hate life. I'm so uncomfortable and upset and disgusted by everything. I was just starting to like myself.

I dont know what to do anymore. I try so hard and I always end up back here. I'm tired of trying to fight to get out of this. I'm just gonna stay in the dark and hopefully I'll be able to this.

I've been struggling so much. You don't even see it. I've been trying so hard to make things good again but nothing works. I put all of my effort into making us okay that I've started struggling in school. This is the worst I've ever done and I dont know what to do anymore. I'm so tired. I'm so damn tired

I feel so alone. I try to talk to you but I dont know how anymore. I ruined things between us and I don't know how to fix it. I'm not even lonely I know I have you but at the same time I'm so alone.

Life has lost meaning. Life has lost purpose. I'm so lost and numb without you. I can't do this anymore.

Had to reset the clock today. It's been a bad week. I want to lay in bed and rot now

Why do people pretend to be your friend? Why talk shit about how I look? Why not just fucking tell me or keep your opinions to yourself? My appearance does not define who I am as a person. It doesn't define my professionalism or anything. Why pretend?

Why cant I just do it? What's wrong with me?

I just want him to love me again.

When eating does anyone else feel like throwing up as soon as the food touches your tongue? Especially when it comes to meat?

I feel like I need them more than they need me. Even if I am that one that ruined everything, I still need them. I crave them. It feels like they could care less. It's what I deserve.

I wish I had the courage to end it all.

How am I supposed to live after I've hurt the person I love the most?

Most of you would never understand the pits we fall into without moving an inch, the lost feeling in the town you grew up, the feeling that your own self has eaten the most of you, or the guilt of all those ugly marks on your body from those dreadful nights.

But then again you won't even get the joy of finally doing your hair after 5 days of death, eating a whole meal without thinking it's the end of the world, or genuinely smiling at the mirror.

Dante's depression ⛈️

Christmas is coming, should I hang decorations or myself 🙂

Why do we only rest in peace, why don't we live in peace too!??

I'll tell everybody I'm fine , cos wtf you gonna do if I'm not

Smh😓