Hurting - Blog Posts

Blue

The ocean of your eye's

I so easily drowned in

I should learn to swim

Blue

The color everything wear's when I'm with you

I get so dizzy too easily

Blue

The late nights, we were separate but one

Insomnia hath its way too easily with me

Blue

The emotions I feel when I see you with another

You have no idea the amount of happiness and despair you bring

Blue

Water shimmering, I saw your reflection in my dream

I should be over this by now

Blue

Mellow and sweet like Julia

Yet deep, the ocean has nothing on you

Watching the ocean late at night does me no good

Blue

The moon is beautiful indeed

It compares to an incomplete quilt around you

Man I give compliments too easily

Blue

You are a Lily, Arum, I a weed

My plant's at least will never reject me

Blue

Lonely nights I listen to your voice

I think I can hear it right now

These ears are too sensitive

Blue

We just friends and that's okay

After all

Peasants don't get with queens

2018.05.17

I'm on my knees.... Reaching up to the moon tonight.

Offering myself for her full embrace.

I wish I could die. In no dramatic sort of way. I wish I could slip away and no one notice. I wish it could be peaceful. The way you expect an old dog to pass, like everyone has been waiting for it for a while.

I’m having a really bad day

I gave you so many more chances just to play with me and break me more.

To this day I’m still here for you but I’m not an idiot, your silence speaks volumes.

Usually you’re what makes me feel alive but recently thinking of you has killed me inside

I will forever have my hopes far too high over you when you never come through

One of these days I’ll know you’re not coming back for me. When that day comes I know the last of my soul will go with you.

I just want to talk to you. I just want to spill my guts to you and for you to hold me and make it better. It’s always been you.

Why did you bother? What was the need? You knew we both couldn’t leave what we had. But you wore me down. You made me feel like it was meant to be us against the world. But when it came down to it you made the choice you swore you wouldn’t and all I could do was say goodbye and let you go.

It was always going to come down to this

Saphira hummed deep in her throat. I have no answers either. Life is both pain and pleasure. If this is the price you must pay for the hours you enjoy, is it too much?

I turn the lights on in the middle of the night just to check you’re still breathing 💔  

Everything I did to hurt you 😔

I'm sorry I pushed you aside, I'm sorry I put her before you, I'm sorry I brought her into our place and ruined our sanuaury, I'm sorry she took up my time from you, I'm sorry she's still here and invading still, I'm sorry I've hurt you, I'm sorry I've made you throw up from stress, I'm sorry I've made you stop eating your food, I'm sorry you don't want to play anymore, I'm sorry we don't shower together anymore, I'm sorry now when I call you you don't respond, To my cat 💔 whom was always there for me in my darkest and loneliest days, to whom I've hurt by bringing in another kitten and now he's staving himself and losing weight. 😔 I love you 💜

Thoughts of us keep me awake 😔

It's so hard not to think about her 😔💔

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