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Incorrect House Of Ashes - Blog Posts

3 years ago

Clarisse: What's up guys? I'm back.

Jason: What the- you can’t be here. You’re dead. I literally saw you die.

Clarisse: Death is a social construct.


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3 years ago

Salim: Jason, can you do me a favour ?

Jason: i would literally cover up a murder you committed, plant my dna at the crime scene and take the blame for you.

Salim: cool i guess ? can you do the dishes please ?

Jason: no.


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3 years ago

Salim, eating a cinnamon roll:

Jason, shaking his head: cannibalism.

Salim: *confused chewing noises*


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3 years ago

Jason: *pointing* Can I sit there?

Salim: That’s my lap.

Jason: That doesn’t answer my question


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3 years ago

Zain: i made you a friendship bracelet.

Jason: you know, i'm not really a jewellery person.

Zain: well you don't have to wear it if you don't want t-

Jason: no, i'm gonna wear it forever, back off!


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3 years ago

Salim: Guys, I’ve been meaning to tell you… Jason and I are dating.

Jason, Nick, Rachel, and Eric: *gasp*

Salim: Jason, why are you surprised?!


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3 years ago

Zain with Tariq in town: I did that adult thing you can do where you buy an entire cake and just eat it.

Zain: I am eating an entire cake.

Zain: Update: there is more cake than I imagined.

Zain: I see now why my dad didn’t let me do this.


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3 years ago

Nick: Hey, Jason? Can I get some dating advice?

Jason, sighing: Just because I'm with Salim doesn't mean I know how I did it.


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3 years ago

Salim, thinking about Jason: I could fix him

Jason, thinking about Salim: I could make him worse


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3 years ago

Nick: Jason, Are you free this Friday at 8:00 pm?

Jason: I guess, yeah.

Nick: And what about you, Salim?

Salim: Yes, I am.

Nick, clapping his hands together and smiling: Great! Because I’m not. You two have fun on your date!

Jason: Wait-

Salim: Did he just-?


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3 years ago

Jason: We can’t have Salim come to his party yet. The sign’s not finished- it’s supposed to say ‘Salim’s Birthday’

Nick: What does it say now?

Jason: ‘Salim’s Bi’.

Jason:

Jason: Nevermind, that’s perfect. We’re ready!


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3 years ago

Jason: Are you a painting?

Salim: What-?

Jason: Because I want to pin you to a wall.

All of the confused marines: OH GOD I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO SAY YOU WANTED TO HANG HIM OR SOMETHING-


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3 years ago

Jason: How do you know how to kiss? like who teaches you?

Salim: Well it’s actually a class, but sadly it’s full at the moment now.

Salim: Would you like private lessons?

Nick: Damn that was smooth.


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3 years ago

Eric, teaching Jason to drive: Okay, you're driving and Salim and I walk into the road. Quick, what do you hit? 

Jason: Oh, definitely you. I could never hurt Salim. 

Eric, massaging his temples: The brakes, Kolchek. You hit the brakes.


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3 years ago

Jason: Salim and I don't have pet names for each other

Nick: what do bees make?

Jason: Honey?

Nick: huh, really thought that would work

Jason: ha! You idiot

Salim, from another room: yeah?


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3 years ago

Eric: Whatever you're thinking right now, stop.

Nick: What?

Eric: You always make that face when you're about to say something stupid to piss me off so cut it out-

Nick: I love you.

Eric:

Nick:

Eric:

Nick: Also cereal qualifies as soup.

Eric: I fucking knew it.


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3 years ago

Jason: Due to personal reasons, I will be fucking sinking to the bottom of the ocean in a large metal box.

Nick: Did Salim say 'I love you' and you said 'Thanks'?

Jason: DUE TO PERSONAL REASONS–


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3 years ago

Jason: Be myself? I have a day to win over Zain. How long did it take before you guys started liking me?

Nick: Couple weeks.

Rachel: Six months.

Eric: Jury’s still out.

Jason: See? “be yourself”, seriously, Nicky? What kind of garbage advice is that?


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3 years ago

Jason: Fuck AND marry Salim, and I’ll kill everyone else.

Nick: Damn it, Jason. That’s not how the game works.


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3 years ago

Rachel: I spy with my little eye something that starts with 's'.

Nick: *looks at Jason and Salim*

Nick: Is it 'sexual tension'?


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3 years ago

Salim: it’s been a rough 24 hours, we could stand to do something stupid

Jason: I’m something stupid, do me


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3 years ago

Jason: OK I’M GIVING YOU TEN SECONDS TO TELL ME WHO ATE MY OREOS BEFORE I START WREAKING HAVOC ON YOUR ASSES

Eric: i saw Salim go into the cabi…

Salim: Eric please don’t do this

Eric: cabinet and grab the pack

Salim: why would you do this to me

Jason: oh Salim it was you? do you want another pack babe?


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3 years ago

Salim: Crushes are the worst.

Jason: Right. Whenever I'm near someone I have a crush on, I start acting stupid.

Salim: You're always acting stupid.

Jason: Yeah... don't think about that too hard.


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