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Clarisse: What's up guys? I'm back.
Jason: What the- you can’t be here. You’re dead. I literally saw you die.
Clarisse: Death is a social construct.
Salim: Jason, can you do me a favour ?
Jason: i would literally cover up a murder you committed, plant my dna at the crime scene and take the blame for you.
Salim: cool i guess ? can you do the dishes please ?
Jason: no.
Salim, eating a cinnamon roll:
Jason, shaking his head: cannibalism.
Salim: *confused chewing noises*
Jason: *pointing* Can I sit there?
Salim: That’s my lap.
Jason: That doesn’t answer my question
Zain: i made you a friendship bracelet.
Jason: you know, i'm not really a jewellery person.
Zain: well you don't have to wear it if you don't want t-
Jason: no, i'm gonna wear it forever, back off!
Salim: Guys, I’ve been meaning to tell you… Jason and I are dating.
Jason, Nick, Rachel, and Eric: *gasp*
Salim: Jason, why are you surprised?!
Zain with Tariq in town: I did that adult thing you can do where you buy an entire cake and just eat it.
Zain: I am eating an entire cake.
Zain: Update: there is more cake than I imagined.
Zain: I see now why my dad didn’t let me do this.
Nick: Hey, Jason? Can I get some dating advice?
Jason, sighing: Just because I'm with Salim doesn't mean I know how I did it.
Salim, thinking about Jason: I could fix him
Jason, thinking about Salim: I could make him worse
Nick: Jason, Are you free this Friday at 8:00 pm?
Jason: I guess, yeah.
Nick: And what about you, Salim?
Salim: Yes, I am.
Nick, clapping his hands together and smiling: Great! Because I’m not. You two have fun on your date!
Jason: Wait-
Salim: Did he just-?
Jason: We can’t have Salim come to his party yet. The sign’s not finished- it’s supposed to say ‘Salim’s Birthday’
Nick: What does it say now?
Jason: ‘Salim’s Bi’.
Jason:
Jason: Nevermind, that’s perfect. We’re ready!
Nick: Do you support gay rights?
Jason: I am literally dating Salim.
Clarisse: He's dodging the question.
Pre-marines Jason: it’s always ‘how high are you’ and not ‘hi, how are you?’
Jason: Are you a painting?
Salim: What-?
Jason: Because I want to pin you to a wall.
All of the confused marines: OH GOD I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO SAY YOU WANTED TO HANG HIM OR SOMETHING-
Jason: How do you know how to kiss? like who teaches you?
Salim: Well it’s actually a class, but sadly it’s full at the moment now.
Salim: Would you like private lessons?
Nick: Damn that was smooth.
Salim: Everyone has their demons
Salim, holding Vampire!Jason: This one is mine
Eric, teaching Jason to drive: Okay, you're driving and Salim and I walk into the road. Quick, what do you hit?
Jason: Oh, definitely you. I could never hurt Salim.
Eric, massaging his temples: The brakes, Kolchek. You hit the brakes.
Eric: What the fuck is Jason even doing?
Nick: HIS BEST!
Jason: Salim and I don't have pet names for each other
Nick: what do bees make?
Jason: Honey?
Nick: huh, really thought that would work
Jason: ha! You idiot
Salim, from another room: yeah?
Salim: Hostage or not, sometimes it's nice being held.
Jason:
Jason: Are you okay.
Eric: You fight like my ex-wife!
Nick: I'm dating your ex-wife. That's a compliment.
Eric: Whatever you're thinking right now, stop.
Nick: What?
Eric: You always make that face when you're about to say something stupid to piss me off so cut it out-
Nick: I love you.
Eric:
Nick:
Eric:
Nick: Also cereal qualifies as soup.
Eric: I fucking knew it.
Jason: Due to personal reasons, I will be fucking sinking to the bottom of the ocean in a large metal box.
Nick: Did Salim say 'I love you' and you said 'Thanks'?
Jason: DUE TO PERSONAL REASONS–
Jason: Be myself? I have a day to win over Zain. How long did it take before you guys started liking me?
Nick: Couple weeks.
Rachel: Six months.
Eric: Jury’s still out.
Jason: See? “be yourself”, seriously, Nicky? What kind of garbage advice is that?
Jason: Fuck AND marry Salim, and I’ll kill everyone else.
Nick: Damn it, Jason. That’s not how the game works.
Rachel: I spy with my little eye something that starts with 's'.
Nick: *looks at Jason and Salim*
Nick: Is it 'sexual tension'?
Salim: it’s been a rough 24 hours, we could stand to do something stupid
Jason: I’m something stupid, do me
Jason: OK I’M GIVING YOU TEN SECONDS TO TELL ME WHO ATE MY OREOS BEFORE I START WREAKING HAVOC ON YOUR ASSES
Eric: i saw Salim go into the cabi…
Salim: Eric please don’t do this
Eric: cabinet and grab the pack
Salim: why would you do this to me
Jason: oh Salim it was you? do you want another pack babe?
Jason after kissing Salim: this is sick as af as fuck if im being tbh
Salim: Crushes are the worst.
Jason: Right. Whenever I'm near someone I have a crush on, I start acting stupid.
Salim: You're always acting stupid.
Jason: Yeah... don't think about that too hard.