My Thoughts - Blog Posts

Q&A 10

If you could only have ONE, would you rather have 5 male slaves with chastity and all under your ownership and not be allowed to be dominant, say you're stuck on an island with 5 submissjves.... OR would you rather be taken and enslaved by 5 very dominant, large alphas who put a collar on you and use you however they please in a distant area where you can escape and cannot be dominant anymore on your own, completely at their whim with no power or control anymore?

I imagine both situations. Me and 5 beta boys. They would pamper me, treat me as their Queen, do anything for me... lick me to orgasm after orgasm... and what then? After few days I would be bored and long for huge cock in me and taste of Alfa sperm. I would go crazy with unfulfilled needs.

Me and 5 Alfa Males treating me as Their sex toy. Huge cocks giving me strong orgasms, lots of tasty sperm, the feeling of being used and being the only one who can satisfy Them. That's very tempting. And lack of pussy eating? I would accept it - sex toy doesn't require its pussy licked.

Q&A 9

What is something (a fantasy) that really turns you on, but you would be afraid to do/happen in real life?

There is one... I sometimes dream of bukake session. Let's say 50 Males and me. Not ordinary Males - ONLY high testosterone Alfas with really huge cocks and balls covering me with liters of sperm. Some fucking me, some emptying Their balls in my mouth, others just masturbating over my tiny body. Very intensive session for as long, as They are ALL satisfied. Tempting.

But, in real life, it could happen only in making some porn scene (logistics, finding the proper Males, testing all of Them for STD, etc.) and I will never be a porn actress for obvious reasons.

Q&A 8

Can you share why you love the power so much of being dominant and "denial"... and then why you love submitting to alphas, being submissive to them and swallowing, being owned rather than owning and how both of them bring you such pleasure?

My power as a Dominant Woman over my beta husband comes from the fact, that I am his Princess, his Queen. He accepted his place, and he loves me unconditionaly. The games I play with him (including cuckolding) are just tools to make the relation stronger, more fulfilling in every other aspect of my life. I am sure, that if he (as a heterosexual) accepted licking other males sperm or sucking cocks only for my sadistic pleasure, he will be loyal and obedient to me in any other life situation. Also, if he accepted pussyfree status for the rest of his life with Me, he acknowledged Me as an individual of much higher status - like a Goddess. That's real power over a person.

My sexual relations with Alfa Males fulfill my life in different area. As a WOMAN, I still need to be chased, conquered and taken, put in place by a strong individual, marked by Him as His prey before He moves on to the next one. It's deep in my brain and I am not some kind of radical feminist. I am a tiny woman and size diffrence, aura of power, huge genitals and overall assertiveness works for me on some subconcious level. I know, the Alfa Male could break me with one move of His hand and the only thing He needs me for, is to release His tension to be able to function normally. There are lots of girls who dream of being in my place, so I need to be better, more compliant to Him.

I suppouse that's why very assertive, selfish, narcissistic Men turn me on the most and also that's why I liked (and still like) to be an escort for chosen Alfa Males... I am on my knees, lick His huge balls, worship His cock, feel His pheromones and testosterone, His hand on my head, His huge cockhead down my throat... I am His servant and only His needs and pleasure matters. When He cums, there's no even thought on His mind about my comfort, no "thank you, it was good." My pleasure is not important for Him. If He wants to fuck me later, He will and I will get several orgasms (I am very multiorgasmic). But if he tells me to get the fuck out of His apartment or car, I meekly get out and wait for another occasion to be able to serve Him and maybe next time to be fucked.

Weird, isn't it?

Q&A 7

Does your husband eat you after when you finish with an alpha?

Yes, he gets to lick me when I want.

When I meet lover at home he usually gets to clean fresh creampie or gets a cummy kiss.

When I come home with a used pussy and I'm in the mood for cunnilingus, he also has to do it.

Q&A 6

Going off what you wrote, very interesting with your husband being more worried about other "betas" and that makes sense. How have those talks gone?

Well, he is worried about other betas, because he is afraid I would leave him for relationship with a man who would be better and more dedicated slave for me. He knows I would never get into relationship other than sexual with any Alfa, but he is afraid that some other beta would steal my heart. He is wrong, but that is deep in his mind. We talk about it and usually I tell him to simply be better and more dedicated to me and my needs. And he is. I like his jealousy.

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How often do you enjoys other betas tongues? What else do they do for you?

Not very often now. I have one regular beta boy who pays me decent money to be able to lick my pussy and ass (2-3 times a month) and one who is my ex-betaboyfriend (now happily married) and sometimes begs me to sit on his face. I also had few one night stands during business travel when I took beta boys and let them lick my pussy when no decent Alfa was available.

Sometimes I let beta boy to masturbate in front of me... for example onto the floor or into the toilet. I love their confused faces after they get their cummies. I never let their sperm to touch my body - that is reserved only for my Alfa lovers and sometimes my for husband.

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Do you keep your husband in chastity? How do you keep him from cumming...and how do you allow him to do so!?

There is no strict chastity in our relationship. Most of the time he is on the honour system and I know I can trust him (I would recognize his cheating in that area momentarily). I put him in chastity always when we play with other people and I put him for longer time when I plan something special. For example before he got to suck his first cock he was 2 weeks in chastity, and before our wedding night he was full month in chastity (his record).

He is allowed to cum only in my presence. I let him masturbate in front of me or I give him handjob or footjob (since I married him, he is the only beta boy who gets my hand or foot). After cumming he is obliged to lick his sperm clean. Sometimes I decide to ruin his orgasm. From time to time (when I am extra kinky) I peg him with double dildo. It's for my pleasure, but if he leaks during pegging I can accept this.

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Are you very submissive to the alphas? Enjoy collars, bondage, anything like that?

It depends on Alfa Male and his needs. It's not about bondage or collars, but personality of a Man. I was in relationship and living together with a Man, who turned out to be sadist (it got out of him slowly) and I was trained to accept pain (to some extent) and humilitation.

Other time I was few months in relationship with another Alfa, who fucked me only 3 times (three!) during our 5 months together. He treated me as his oral cumdumpster - I got to suck him 2-3 times a day and got nothing in return. Well... he didn't care if I masturbated during sucking his cock. That was merciful, as I know few Men who would slap me hard if I didn't concentrate 100% on their cocks.

Another example... I hate anal, but if Alfa Male really wants to fuck me in the ass, he will do it. I would cry and beg him not to, I would try to move out or clench my ass, but if He is strong and brutal enough, he will take it. And I will cry from the pain but eventually submit. On mental level I love to feel conquered and I feel it has roots in the way my virginity was taken.

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For your friends who know about your dom/sub/cuckold situation. What do they think about it? Is your husband ever allowed to lick your gilfriends?

I am independent of other people opinions. I do not have many close female friends, but only one is NOT cheating on her husband or partner - Megan. She is married to real Alfa, who happens to be mine (and other women) lover and she is very submissive.

My other friends cheat on their husbands or partners and to say the truth they are very jealous of my relationship and the fact that I can do it openly.

And there is Lena - my closest friend. Her situation is totally different. She is 40 y.o. dominant Queen, her husband 55 y.o. slave. As my marriage is femdom/cuckold, Her marriage is femdom/BDSM. There are strict rules and permanent chastity, punishments and a lot of humilitation. She taught me much about femdom psychology and rules. I can say, she is my mentor in the matter. Without Her I couldn't be able to build relationship with my husband as it is now. She thinks I am too delicate and soft for him.

My husband got to lick and fuck his two girlfriends before he was mine. Since he is mine he didn't get any sex and only got to lick me. Few times he got to lick Lena, as Her husband got to lick me. So in his life he had sex with 2 girls, licked 4 pussies including mine (I plan another one in the near future) and sucked 3 different cocks several times (my plan for him is to service orally more different cocks than pussies).

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Also, have you ever "dated" a beta, or had one for an extended period of time?

Of course, I dated betas and Alfas. How else would I know the difference between them? How else would I know, that I don't want marriage with an Alfa? How else would I know, that my husband is the best choice?

Apart from my husband, relationships with other betas were rather short. For most guys (even beta SIMPs) it was hard to get used to my licentiousness and dominance. Even when they seemed to accept the fact, that I have sex with other Men and not with them, it was short term acceptance. They either run from me or argued with me and tried to change me... sometimes even if they agreed that I fuck other Men, they tried to control me. Then I kicked them out of my life.

Q&A 5

Great blog, your hubby is very lucky! Any desire to have children from an alpha male, or will that just slow you down?😁

IIn spite of my age I do not think about children yet. But if I want to have a child it will be my decision only and the father of my child would be my submissive beta husband. Having a child with some stranger Alfa Male may sound like a good fantasy, but I cannot imagine it in real life.

We have femdom/cuckold marriage and my husband is not allowed to have sex with me, but I love him. He is inteligent and handome man and would be great father. Still he wouldn't be allowed to put his dick in me (it's base rule in our relationship), so we would use artificial method of impregnation.

Q&A 4

I've read your blog and of course I accept your reasons for being here. But I am curious. Is there a part of your sexual fantasies that involves being the real life captive of a sexual sadist that will keep you.

Against your will. Never free of restrictions. A caged and bound female sexual lab rat. Where you are never allowed to switch modes. Whipped, beaten and sexually tortured into submission. By whatever means necessary. Every day. No exit. ?

When I was younger I had many such fantasies. Sometimes still have, but not so often. One of them:

I am a virgin Princess travelling with other young girls on a ship and pirates raid the ship during cruise. We are all captured with intention to be sold in some Arab state. The other girls are kept in crates and every day taught obedience - they will be sold as sex slaves to some rich Men. The girls are forced to fuck and suck, they are punished until they are broken into total submission. The customers would pay proper price for obedient girls.

But I am very special - as a virgin and Princess I will be sold to some Arab Sheikh to become His special sex toy, maybe even wife. Nobody rapes me as my virginity is worth fortune, but I am forced to look at the other girls being trained and I get to service cocks orally - fluff them, clean them from cum and other girls fluids, suck them, swallow gallons of sperm. I am trained to worship cock whenever presented to me. After two weeks I am trained to be top class virgin cocksucker.

Then we arrive to a port and I am sold to some Sheikh (I don't even see what he looks like). I am sold like animal. Other girls are also sold to different customers. Then I am taken to some property in the middle of nowhere. There is dessert all around. No way to run.

I am bathed and prepared by other beautiful woman to be presented to my Owner. I meet Him. He sits on a luxury sofa with to beautiful woman on both sides. He is huge, muscular Male with beard and hair all over the body. He looks so strong and charismatic. I am so tiny and weak compared to Him. I am so afraid of Him.

He says: "I paid a lot of money for you, so you are my property, my toy. Your life is mine now and I will do whatever I want with you. You are here on probationary period of 3 months. If I am happy with you, you'll become my wife and give birth to many children. If I am not happy, I will sell you to a brothel and you'll be whore for thousands of men. There is no other option in your life. Everything depends on your behaviour. Now greet me properly."

Then He pulls back the tunic flaps and I see His huge, veiny cock with big head and gigantic hairy balls. Thanks to the training on the boat I know what to do...

Then the fantasy goes... I used to masturbate to this vision many times. There were two scenarioes. In one he was happy, in the other not so. In every further scenario I was just a property with no option to change anything...

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Well. Thats only fantasy. I would never want to be in this situation for real.

But in real life I was in relationship with sadistic Alfa Male and for over 9 months living in His house. I submitted to Him and He trained me step by step to His expectations. Our relationship fell apart and NOT because of the harsh sexual treatment. I loved Him and wanted to become His wife, whatever the price was. But REAL ALFA MALE is not a good material for marriage. That was my lesson from this adventure. Alfas are good for sex, but married life is much better with submissive betas. At least for me.

Q&A 3

You are such a dream. May I ask general whereabouts? Also, how did you get into the relationship status that you worked into with your husband? How open is it? Meaning do your friends/family know about your other loves? Sorry for the qs, im just really interested in your world!

I assure you - I am not a dream. I am a narcisistic, spoiled bitch with border symptoms. I am a mental sadist for most of guys and submissive slut for few of them.

In everyday life I am a Princess with huge mood swings. I love to be pampered and spoiled. I need a lot of patience and total submission from my partner.

My sexlife has two opposite modes and I need both of them. One side is being submissive fuck toy, the other side is being dominant Queen. There is no way that one man could satisfy all my needs.

(One day I will write how my life shaped me for a person I am today).

How did I get into relatipnship with my husband? Well, he was one of many beta SIMPS around me for a long time. He knew I fucked around with strong dominant Men, he knew I escorted Alfa Males, he knew I cheated in every relationship I had been. I was sincere with him. He knew, he would never fuck me and he knew I would control his sexlife and humilitate him and I tested him many times.

But what was more important, his dedicated his life to my pleasure and comfort. I am treated like a Princess and his life focuses aruond me and my needs. That's how it should be.

(One day I will write more about it).

How open my relationship is? That's simple. Open form me. Closed for him. I can fuck whoever I want and he cannot cum without my permission. I cuckold him with dominant Alfa Males, sometimes I let other beta boys lick my pussy (my husband hates it - he perceives it as much bigger threat for him than my submission to Alfa Males).

Who knows about our relationship status? Several of my female friends and many of my male lovers (one of them is his boss and one of them is my boss). Our families don't know about it.

(One day I will write more about our sexlife and rules).

Q&A 2

My post about forcing my boyfriend to suck a cock:

"I did it with my (then) boyfriend before we got married. It was milestone in our relationship. Beta boy will never be the same after sucking other mans cock."

Question:

Do you mean "Better" or useless?

Well. After few relationships with Alfa Males I was mature enough to know that with my personality, being happy in everyday life with such a Man would be impossible. On the other hand, there were always beta boys around me. Lots of them. But I was too spoiled and demanding to have good sexlife with this type of a man.

What I wanted was FLR with cuckold and pussyfree submissive husband. There were also a few tries but when I started relationship with John (now my husband) I knew that he could be the right one, but I also knew that I need to subjugate him totally.

He knew from the very begining, that I would have sex with other men. He knew that his only sex with me would be cunnulingus. He knew that his orgasms would be rare and under my control. He accepted his pussyfree cuckold status...

But sometimes he was stubborn and rebelious. He tried to play my feelings. Tried to be possesive, sometimes too jealous. He even flirted with other girls (he is quite handsome).

And there were two steps that changed everything. Milestones. First time he got to clean me after sex (and there was a lot to clean) and first time I ordered him to suck another males huge cock to completion.

He never was USELESS. He was a great licker. But after I made him suck (much bigger than his) cock, he for sure got BETTER cuckold boyfriend. He accepted the reality. After some time I knew I want him to be my husband.

Q&A 1

Sometimes I get questions from followers of my blog. From time to time I will try to answer the most interesting od them. That's first:

You posted that you escort sometimes. Does that give you a special thrill? The fact that a man wants you so much he will pay a lot?

When I was much younger (19-27) I was quite often an escort girl for rich men. Nowdays I sometimes do it for fun. But there were never any meetings with some random guys who just called phone number and ordered "service" for an evening.

I was always very selective. I wouldn't have sex (even for money) with a guy who wasn't my type. And my type was always succesfull dominant Alfa Male. Usually they were married or had girlfriends but from time to time just wanted uncomplicated fucking on the side and paid for it. I met them via recommendation of my two older friends who were luxury escort girls or later via some internet "sponsorship websites"

I needed money and liked the fact that they paid money for my service. But almost always I also had a lot of pleasure. I am very submissive towards Alfa Males, but there was additional thrill that I was bought as some kind of slave and I have no choice but to give Him pleasure until he sends me away.

I also had some really crazy adventures which wouldn't be possible within normal relationship, like for example luxury mediterrenian cruises (8 girls for 3 men), parties (2 girls for 6 men or 5 girls for married couple), crazy nights (alone sucking off 4 men 18 times during one night) and many others...

Fun fact is that men who paid for my services usually treated me (as a person) much better than my Alfa boyfriends whom I loved.

Balls

There are several characteristics that characterize the Alpha Male: large body frame, dominant and assertive (sometimes aggresive) personality, huge cock, sexual stamina, etc... But there is one thing that makes my knees weak and pussy leaking. That thing is HUGE BALLS.

I have had sexual relations with lots of men. I was being serviced and taken care of by many beta boys, who never got to fuck me and I was submissive fuck toy for a lot of Alfa Males. One thing I can tell for sure is that Alfa Males had much bigger balls than beta boys. It's like the real manhood resides in balls.

When I see Alfa Males huge balls hanging proudly under his big cock, I only think how to take care of them. How to relieve them of the ache and excess of sperm. How to be a good girl worth of all the fluids produced in the balls. I love to massage them with my small hands, to kiss and lick them -irrespective if they are clean or dirty (with sweat, sperm or pussy fluids - mine or any other females), if they are shaved or hairy, if they are full and ready to cum or need a delicate massage after cummig.

On the other hand, I perceive small testicles as a convenient tool for controlling beta boys. I would never kiss or lick small testicles. Sometimes I squeze, slap or even torture them to show the submissive, that I am the one who controls them. Usually I ignore the ache beta boys have in their nuts - it's not my role to take care of it, but sometimes I am merciful enough to let them spurt their pitiful cum.

The biggest balls I have ever met belong to Paul - one of my steady lovers. Each one of his balls is bigger than my husbands whole sack. My husbands testicles are rather average - typical beta size. Pauls balls are bigger then chicken eggs. His sack is like real bulls sack. Quite a specimen. Really.

There is one more thing about full balls:

Alfa Male with his full big balls needs to empty them quite often (sometimes few times a day!) to be able to function normally. If you are his girl and don't take care of him properly, he may get very aggresive or he may cheat on you. He just needs to empty his balls to be able to think rationally.

Beta boy with full testicles is on his best behaviour and most useful for a Woman, when kept this way. If you are his dominant wife or girlfriend you need to take full control of his small nuts. Never let him cum more often than once a week or two and you will see the magic happen. Use his releases as a control tool and rewards for good behaviour and you will have the best femdom relationship you can dream of.

Size matters.

Well boys... If your girlfriend, wife, lover, prostitute or any other woman tells you that size doesn't matter, she is either lying od is too inexpierienced to know the truth.

There is nothing more erotic and masculine than a HUGE COCK. Long, thick with bulbous head and pulsating veins.

I am a small, delicate woman and my pussy is very tight and rather shallow. Some beta boys think they can fuck me with their small or average dicks. That never happened and is not going to happen. My husband is average and never was inside me.

I am not a size queen but on some mental level I perceive only Alfa Males with huge cocks as my sexual partners. From the first time when as an innocent girl I was taken by a dominant man with really huge cock, I am obsessed with huge cocks.

Huge cocks... They are demanding. They can be painful. They are not easy to satisfy. They are in high demand of other bithes. They never are faithful. But this feeling, when you are the one who takes a huge load out of it, is one of the best feeling in sexual life of a woman.

If you are a beta male with small or average penis, don't be sad. You may also have a role in womans life, but you need to accept the fact that size really matters.

Sperm

Cum, spunk, male milk or nectar... I love it! Its taste, smell, texture and erotic symbolism.

I was 16 when I first tasted it after giving handjob to my beta boyfriend. I hated it and told him I would never give a blowjob.

I was 17 when a dominant Alfa Male forced me to suck Him, then to clean every drop with my mouth. Still hated it, but in the next few months He taught me the hard way what is expected from a woman. I started to like it, then love it.

During all those years I sucked sperm from cocks, cleaned it from mans balls, my own face, other girls pussies or bodies, licked it from floor, table, mirror, dildoes, shoes and condoms... Yeah, with a right Man (or Men) I am very submissive and nasty bitch.

However, there is difference between Alfa Males sperm and beta boys cummies.

Alfa Males sperm.

There are so many bitches competing to get it. When I am with such a Man I will do anything to empty his balls, to make Him ejaculate for me. To mark me as his woman, his slut, his cum dumpster.

When He cums in my mouth, I feel I have done a good job.

When He cums in my pussy, I feel taken.

When He cums in my ass, I feel violated.

When He cums on my face, I feel so nasty.

When He cums on my body, I feel marked.

When He cums on the the floor and forces me to lick it clean, I feel humilitated.

When he cums in/on another woman and forces me to lick it clean, I feel like a slave.

When He cums in my pussy and I make my husband clean it, I feel like a Queen.

Beta boys cummies.

Its just a tool to control and humilitate these males. Its place is in his balls to keep him horny all the time for his Queen. Sometimes there is a need to drain the balls.

Ruined orgasm makes him so submissive.

Cumming on his Queen feet makes him so thankful.

Cumming on the floor or into the toilet makes him so humilitated.

Licking his own spunk is a good training method.

When you force him to clean your pussy from Alfa Males sperm, he knows his place in the relationship.

When you force him to suck Alfa Males cock and swallow or lick His sperm, there is no way back for beta boy to recover his manhood.

A follow up. First thanks to everyone for checking in on me. I’m doing fine, and past the emotions from this day. My windshield, however, is not doing so well. That rock, and chip, has now cause a crack across a 1/3 of my windshield lol… damnit haha

I don’t normally share stuff like this but I have no other outlet for it, so why not? I don’t normally claim or believe I have PTSD. However this morning driving to work a big rock hit my windshield and made a loud noise and chipped the glass. I was immediately 12 years ago in Afghanistan on a pretty shitty day. This is the first time I can say that’s happened to me. My heart rate spiked, I ducked, and was looking for where fire could be coming from… fucking weird experience…