Latest Posts by houseofashesbrainrot - Page 4

Eric: You fight like my ex-wife!

Nick: I'm dating your ex-wife. That's a compliment.

Eric: Whatever you're thinking right now, stop.

Nick: What?

Eric: You always make that face when you're about to say something stupid to piss me off so cut it out-

Nick: I love you.

Eric:

Nick:

Eric:

Nick: Also cereal qualifies as soup.

Eric: I fucking knew it.

Jason: Due to personal reasons, I will be fucking sinking to the bottom of the ocean in a large metal box.

Nick: Did Salim say 'I love you' and you said 'Thanks'?

Jason: DUE TO PERSONAL REASONS–

Jason: Be myself? I have a day to win over Zain. How long did it take before you guys started liking me?

Nick: Couple weeks.

Rachel: Six months.

Eric: Jury’s still out.

Jason: See? “be yourself”, seriously, Nicky? What kind of garbage advice is that?

Jason: Fuck AND marry Salim, and I’ll kill everyone else.

Nick: Damn it, Jason. That’s not how the game works.

Rachel: I spy with my little eye something that starts with 's'.

Nick: *looks at Jason and Salim*

Nick: Is it 'sexual tension'?

Salim: Why the hell is there blood everywhere?

Vampire!Jason: Well, you see, it's simple color theory-

Salim: it’s been a rough 24 hours, we could stand to do something stupid

Jason: I’m something stupid, do me

Jason: OK I’M GIVING YOU TEN SECONDS TO TELL ME WHO ATE MY OREOS BEFORE I START WREAKING HAVOC ON YOUR ASSES

Eric: i saw Salim go into the cabi…

Salim: Eric please don’t do this

Eric: cabinet and grab the pack

Salim: why would you do this to me

Jason: oh Salim it was you? do you want another pack babe?

Jason after kissing Salim: this is sick as af as fuck if im being tbh

Salim: Crushes are the worst.

Jason: Right. Whenever I'm near someone I have a crush on, I start acting stupid.

Salim: You're always acting stupid.

Jason: Yeah... don't think about that too hard.

Salim: [takes a deep breath] Today is gonna be a good day

Salim: [deep breath] There’s going to be no bullshit

Salim: [opens the door to see Jason standing there]

Jason: My shoes are on the roof again

Salim: [closes the door]

Zain: can I have a cookie?

Jason: what did Salim say?

Zain: he said no

Jason: so why would I say yes?

Zain: because he’s not the boss of you

Jason, already taking out the cookie jar: you can have two

Salim: So.

Salim: I'm in love.

Salim: with Jason.

Salim: I'm in love with Jason.

Nick:

Nick: Our Jason?

Salim: Yes?

Salim: . . .thoughts?

Nick: And prayers.

Nick: so… I’ve seen you’ve been spending a lot of time with Salim recently.

Jason: no, Nicky, its not what it looks like, I swear.

Nick: oh really? so no reason for me to be jealous?

Jason: no! you’re the only one for me.

Nick: is that so?

Jason: i promise! Salim and I are just dating, okay? He’s my boyfriend.

Nick: so there are no best-friends-feelings involved?

Jason: you are still my one and only best friend! He’s just the love of my life, nothing more!

Nick: but I’m still the platonic love of your life, right?

Jason: of course bro!

Nick: bro...

Salim: what the-

Salim, whose first language isn’t English: Hello! I’m sorry if my English isn’t very good.

Jason, whose first language is English: Hte fuckign.

Jason: my boyfriend’s mad i haven’t replied to his post yet, like hold on shawty i’m tryna figure out how to spell georges

Jason: three likes and i'll run Clarisse through with a sword

Jason: *likes his own post*

Eric: *likes the post*

Rachel: >:0

Nick:

Nick: *likes the post*

Jason: okay this was a joke but now i just feel bad post cancelled

Eric: I can’t mansplain manipulate manwhore my way out of this one boys.

Eric: Manslaughter it is

Jason: Yeah, don’t worry Salim, we had a great time at the pumpkin patch! isn’t that right Zain?

*a pumpkin strapped in the backseat*

Jason: I’m gonna have to call you back

Jason: I would die for you

Salim: I would die for you too

Jason, suddenly very emotional: Please don’t

*Rachel has broken up with them*

Eric: Wow.. Rachel really hates us.

Nick: Maybe she's homophobic?

Eric: We're not a couple Nick.

Nick: We're not?

Rachel: You're not?

the year is 2003

Salim: [trying to bond with his boyfriend] hey Jason! i got us tickets for this new underground band, i think they're called Michael- Michael Romance?

Jason:

Jason: YOU GOT US TICKETS TO FUCKING MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE?!?

Nurse: You scored a 25/27 on your mental health questionnaire.

Jason: So that means I'm good at mental health, right?

*Crisis Counselor enters the room*

Jason: Ah, shit.

Jason: I just offered Salim the world, so I don’t know where y’all are gonna live, but it can’t be here

Jason’s whole character arc summed up

Jason: I suck at apologies, so...Unfuck you or whatever.

Nick, holding a deck of cards: Who wants a tarot reading!?

Eric: Those are Pokemon cards

Nick, holding a card: You got a Squirtle, it means fuck you

Jason, depressed, lying on the floor: I just feel like a noodle

Salim joining him on the floor and hugging him: Good, I like pasta

Supermassive games: there is only one thing worse than being dead.

*tears off another piece of paper to reveal “eric being dead”*

Supermassive games: boom.

The fandom: Eric

Supermassive games: no-

Salim: Have you guys seen Jason?

Rachel: No, haven’t seen him since the storm started

Nick: Since the sto- JASON NO!

Meanwhile, Jason standing in the middle of a thunderstorm with a shovel raised high: STRIKE ME DOWN ZEUS, YOU DON’T HAVE THE BALLS