@na Rules - Blog Posts

I hate when my stomach sticks out a little because I'm girl and I have a uterus 🤬🤬🤬🤬

I just did the second pics because I LOVE THIS SHIRT SM IT MAKES ME LOOK THINNER 😝😝😝😝

It's true that you shouldn't stay in the "fuck it, whatever" mindset after a binge - food-wise, anyway. You most of the time can't make up for binges - physically, again. But you can stay out of the "my day is ruined and I'll wallow in self-pity for the rest of it" been there, done that.

But honestly? That's NEVER worth it. So why not make use of the energy - and not by working out or trying to make up for it, because that's not gonna happen and because it doesn't work, you'll feel even more it was a bad day. No, try to do homework, a creative project, sit down for video games or movies, whatever. Something to distract you and that makes you still think by the end of the day, that even if you binged, you had a great or productive time and so that you can end it on a good note.

I get that it's difficult, but chances are high that due to this disorder, you neglect other thing which were once important to you - so see that as a way to make up for that, even make up for the binge in a different way if you want, but make it feel like you still spent your time with something positive, that wasn't for nothing by the end of it.

My lunch :)

Total: 155

(2x corncakes - 50; 7g Pesto - 23; 84g cottage cheese - 77; 12g frozen berries - 6)

Basically leftovers lol. Tasted okay and at least I'm full now - and don't mind the bowl please. It's cringe but it has a pig face and so whenever I finished eating that's what's staring back at me as a reminder looool not funny Ik

I hope no one noticed how I literally bought six cans of sf monster and nothing else

Still at my Grandma's... And I fucked up. Usually when I'm here, I either do really well or straight up binge, and it's appears that this time, I do both. Yesterday, I did really well actually but today was horrible. To be fair, no one in my family ate "normally" today, it's the ore-Easter shit, but I mean, they're not disordered, so I feel even more like a faker rn 😭

It's Easter tomorrow and I'm really scared. I'm feeling motivated to do well, but my family wants to go out for lunch tomorrow. I'll just get something from the kids's menu, skip breakfast and only eat a small dinner with my family if I can't avoid it.

And I really have to work on my steps! I feel awful for neglecting them, but I have a really important school project I need to work on... It feels like am excuse, but logically, it really isn't.

I mean, the day after tomorrow my Dad and I will leave already again, and the rest of the fam will stay with my grandma still, andy Dad will leave too after a few days, so my other sister and I will be home alone for a couple days at the end of the holiday s, which is great, since she doesn't really like me and won't force me to eat with her or something. Maybe she'll expect me to cook, because she's prepping for some exams, but that's fine Ig. I mean, I'm kinda planning to fast, but I'll also have to work on that school project, and I'll have to plan my eating depending on how much brain power I'll need then lol. So I have to finish as much of the project as I can now so that I'll be fine fasting/doing high res then.

Bruh why is this post so loong

Mom and Grandma keep gossiping about her old classmates and how fat they've come apparently 😭

And now they're changing topics to how fat the young people look these days and no one's taking care anymore like what-

Their words, not mine

First day at my Grandma's, and she moved her bathroom scale an now I can't find it :(

So now I'll have to go two days without weighing myself, and I can check my weight in three days after my Dad and I are home again... it's not an issue, I usually don't weigh myself everyday, either, it's just that I was planning to do it to keep myself accountable... Easter with my Grandma, a dangerous game food-wise

Dad announced we'd barbecue later 😬

Wish me luck please

"If you lose some weight you'll fit into that!"

-My 10 year old sister to me as we were looking for outfits to wear at a special event

Like... bitch. But you're right. And no, you weren't "just kidding". It's fine. It's fine. It's FUCKING FINE.

Just gonna do some red paintings on my legs later is all. It's fine.

Just tried that light green/paradise monster and it reminds of me those apple gummy bears I used to eat as a kid? Idk it's just kinda sweet and not my favourite but I think it's definitely drinkable

I mean it for sure makes me kinda nostalgic - I mean these gummy bears made me (among sooo many other things) a fatty little kid and then I got bullied and then there were Mom and Grandma's comments and you know how the story goes lol.

Yeah... the good ol' days

(The more I'm sipping in that monster rn though the more I like it so I guess 7/10???) lol no one asked for a monster review yet here I am

(Can you tell I'm fucking bored?)

I binged the FIFTH FUCKING DAY IN A ROW.

Holy shit. I feel so ashamed for even typing this and I don't know how or why I could let that happen. And I could've restricted so easily, too, yesterday and today because my parents were at work and I was home alone with my siblings, but NOOO I had to fucking...

I haven't even weighed myself but I'm sure it's going to be awful when I do, especially since I've been doing so well before (I've lost a lot of weight and haven't binged for a relatively long time). I've probably ruined all the progress of the past weeks.

I'm going to fucking change now. I don't think today can be saved honestly, even if I at least counted most of my calories and compared to the other days, it wasn't as bad, but I'm still going to get in my steps and then I'll be fucking DONE with binging. Thankfully, we'll soon visit my Grandma and on travel days I can fast usually, so I'm going to absolutely use that as sort of catalyst for finally locking in again, but of course I'm going to start RIGHT FUCKING NOW.

I can't go back to school after Easter break having gained like 5kg or something, not when we have so many swimming classes atm and all my friends were calling me skinny and complimenting my waist. I still have a week and a half to lock in and lose weight and I'm going to use it.

In the second week, only my sister and I will be home for a couple of days and maybe I'll even try to fast through all of them (depending on how much school work I'll have left to do then)

So yeah, sorry for rambling but I do feel slightly better now because of it

I just wanted to work out, but when I started the headache I was having all day just got so bad I almost cried holy shit how do I get rid of that?

I fucking hate myself guys

It's the start of Easter break now and like any rational person I ditched all my plans and binged the first day and today as well

If I skip dinner and work out though I can probably do at least some kind of damage control (because I've eaten about 2000 calories now which is really fucking awful) and I can get my steps in as well... I'm just so disappointed in myself, because I was prepared for having my intake be a bit higher during the holidays, because sometimes when I have to eat with my family it just can't be avoided, but not like this, seriously

Anyway, looking forward I guess because I've already fucked shit up I can't change anyway 🥲

Now I WOULD definitely OMAD a bottle of wine

I thought I WANTED a proper balanced meal filling me up, getting rid of the headache and dizziness and giving me energy.

Turns out all I NEEDED was some coffee and a sf Monster

edtblr has taught me more about nutrition than my biology class ever could

I hate my body more than I like food.

My food scale's batteries went empty and I don't think we have the right ones at home so I can't change them right away 😭

What am I supposed to doooo now I just wanna count my cals

Soooo these busy days I mentioned are over and I have in fact reached my lowest weight since summer! It's probably not that impressive but I am incredibly happy still. (And yes, I am in fact absolutely drained but I did have fun, I'm just so tired now 🥲)

Now I have this Sunday to get through, then a week of school when restricting will be easy of course, but then I'll have two weeks off due to Eastern....

I guess I'll really have to bury myself in work and exercise then and not give myself the chance to eat anything besides the meals I'll have to eat with my family.

Breakfast I should always be able to skip, dinner too I could say I take to my room to eat there because of school work or something, and then lunch I'll just have to always help preparing so I know exactly what we'll eat and so I can make at least my serving lower in calories.

Maybe I'll also have to resort to the sad Pinterest ana meals with half a cucumber and egg whites, because my parents don't seem to know an awful lot about nutrition, and as long as I eat anything they tend to not raise an eyebrow.

(No hate on these kind of meals, they're really a game changer, but since I tend to do OMAD and a small snack, I just really like to make my meals more colorful and more interesting)

I'll also have more time to exercise, then I know of two days on which I can fast, because we'll be travelling to my Grandma, and for a couple of days only my Dad and I will be home, and I have a feeling that will make not eating/eating low-cal meals even easier.

(Partly because the chance someone is going to be in the kitchen when I want to measure out my food will be lower lol)

The next few days are going to be incredibly busy for me, but that's awesome because I'll literally won't have time to eat :D

I'm not going to try and fast though, because I will need the energy

It started today with me having to stay at school until 6pm (🥲) because of choir practice, tomorrow I'll have to leave almost right after school to play at a concert (I know I'll barely have time to change and maybe practice the pieces one last time)

And on Saturday I'll have singing stuff from 8am to 4pm

Both crying and laughing right now because I know I'll be DRAINED when all this is over, but I won't be around my parents to watch me eat, I won't be at home with all the binge food and I'll probably be to busy to even think about eating anything, hopefully

As I mentioned though, I will be having dinner, because it's the only time I'll be around my parents and I will really need that energy

So, I tend to make self-deprecating jokes (I try not to, but sometimes when I feel especially bad they do slip out a lot)

But when I was about to make one, my one friend just told me (I can't tell if she was annoyed or rather angry, to be honest) to "quit with these fucking jokes" and yeah. I get my friends are done with me, but that still almost made me cry

The not-eating after my class was cooking went well yesterday, the teacher was so busy, she didn't even pay attention to me

Now that but four more times to go still 🥲

My class will go on a one week sailing trip in summer, so we're practicing what we'll cook and stuff, starting tomorrow - and I'm so scared. There's no way I'll eat at school, and even though it's kind of established between my friends and I that I just won't eat, what should I tell my teachers or other class mates if they ask?

I could go to the bathroom for a while once it's eating time, but what other things are there?

Please give some kind of advice guys 🥲

Guys im so angry, because I just ate a protein bar as I always do a little while before eating dinner with my family (so I feel more full and won't stuff myself) and then headed off to orchestra practice but then my mom called after me to take my keys with me because...... My parents won't be there this evening.

Meaning I could've easily fasted until tomorrow evening but noo I had to eat that stupid protein bar.

It's fine; I can just run the calories off but it'll still be that I have eaten when I could've stayed hungry 🥲