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Crazy? - Blog Posts
The aspects of a long day
It's been a while since
We hung out together
Just the two of us.....
You and me...!
.
We have been on a break
The reason I despair to know
.
But there is something that happened in this break
I had been torn
I had been naive
A lot came
And a lot went by
And a lot happened.
.
It's the things I'm ashamed of
It's something I don't wanna talk about
.
I wish you had been there
To hold me back
From going all the wrong ways.
.
I want you to be there
To tell you all the aspects of the long day
.
I seek organization in my chaos
I constantly live in chaos but seek organization. I envy those who do great but am not jealous. I love it when someone compliments me, but don't know how to react. I love the fact that I am liked and disliked by a lot of people at the same time.
And all these thoughts bring about a lot of question in my mind. I have been aloof in a long while about everything. I have been pushing away deadlines, stay awake and do nothing. I have wasted my time and energy doing nothing as if I have got nothing.
There is indeed a lot of things I want to do. And that question I was talking about which haunts me is "where is all this leading to?"
I am completely insane about the fact that I have a lot of errands to run and I am still aloof.
It is actually astonishing and weird that I notice all the chaos in life and still do nothing about it. But I know that I am seeking for organization. But something, some force, maybe the biggest enemy of mine is pulling me down. "Laziness"
Its completely strange and crazy to say this, but I think I am responsible for my failure, it is my stupidity of all that makes me react and overreact to unnecessary, well let's say not so important things in life. I am angry at someone for being good and dissapointed in me for staying aloof.
I am not pinpointing anything or infact pinpointing myself. I think its the 3:30 am thoughts. Maybe sleeplessness. Maybe the disturbance in my head. But again there is peace and a sence of calmness in my head. I guess I have a clear head now and the morning would be without the laziness and the aloofness. I guess I'll be fine the first thing in the morning.
I guess its all in your head. And yet again I seek organization in my chaos.
Home?
Everytime I go Palakkad (my native in Kerala) I have always felt butterflies in my stomach. I get goosebumps travelling there. Well thats the place I have spent the major part of my life in. Thats the place where I grew up, made friends and had fun. But that isnt my home. No it isnt. I know every nook and corner of the town. I know which way to go to and I pretty much know my destinations. I have a part of my family there but it has never been my home. Well where is my home I seriously do not know. Everytime I go there on my vaccations I feel wonderful. A feeling of content strikes me just by the sight of the station. The journey in the autorikshaw from the station to my home brings in an adrenaline rush that I am reaching somewhere I belong. This sunday I am going home. I am more than happy, I am eager, I am excited and anticipating the day to arrive as soon as possible. But then out of no where the question pops whether that I really belong there. Where that is my real home. Whether that is it or my destination named home is far far away and I am yet to find. I do not know and so does the question of home remain unanswered.
the david zwirner gallery and the felix gonzalez torres foundation in the smithsonian removed the descriptive plaque for portrait of ross in la by felix gonzalez-torres. the old plaque explained portrait for ross' origins as the artist's partner's aids related death, and replaced it with a plaque with absolutely no information about the piece itself, who ross was, or who gonzalez-torres was either. portrait of ross was also reeranged to lay on the floor long ways instead of in a pile as it typically is situated, and the plaque outside the exhibition FOR GONZALEZ-TORRES omits his sexuality, as well as his aids related death. i'm in utter disbelief
Lunatic Luv
You'll surely overthink
If you try to understand me
A paradoxical chaos
Far beyond comprehension
Look at me through blinded eyes
Loose sanity in my undertow
You have to leave your mind behind
To scrutinize my heart and soul
“Never give up on a dream just because of the time it will take to accomplish it. The time will pass anyway.” — Earl Nightingale
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