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Diary - Blog Posts
12/8
for breakfast i made pitas. baked them, cut tomatoes, shaved cucumbers and cut bananas (sprinkled with expired cinnamon!). after they were done i scrambled a plain egg with only ground cinnamon on it. it was tasty but i only ate half cuz my mom wanted to go dimsum shop. (tuition at 11am)
at 9 something we arrived at jiaxuan dimsum or something similar sounding. when waiting, went to 99 speedmart. loved scrutinising the processsed bread section. the mighty white bun variety is actually mesmerizing. the packaging is very attention grabbing. strawberry lychee, butter sugar, milo, chicken floss, black pepper chicken, blueberry flavours etc!!! like wtf so many flalvors!! some other brand was mas producing multiflavoured muffins. 8 for rm5.30 dude what a deal! except i guess eating it may cause serious cardiovascular diseases teehee.
ordered 2 salted egg yolk custard buns (SUPER GOOD DUDE), 2 char siew pau (EH OK BUT GOOD), 6 siew mai (TASTED LIKE MINCED MEAT), fried turnip cake (rlly GOOD!!), fried prawn, scallop and salted egg yolk beancurd thing (love the blandness of it FOR REAL!! cuz i only ate the egg yolk part. it wasnt distributed EVENLY LOL). siew mai fell into my warm water and drenched it in oil. cuz i was grabbing it with chopsticks then my dad asked where a siew mai go and i raised it to show him that i took one.. lol. total bill: RM78 ☠️. at least it was a pleasant experience.
went home and ate oreo cadbury chocolate bar and the other half of my breakfast pita. tuition. shower. went to tapao lunch. mayang oasis food court - malay mixed rice. omg!!! pickled veggies (carrot, cucumber, onion) SO TASTYYYYYY OMGGG IM GONNA CUM, steamed broccoli (SO TENDER!! LOVE LOVE LOVE) and rendang chicken drumstick (fragrANTTT!! not implying that there were many ants at that stall, just felt like making ANT capitalised). dad bought additionally 2 angku kuih and 2 fried glutinous sesame balls. delicious. for lunch also ate chili lala clams and orange. then snacked on angku kuih, pocky, cadbury chocolate and kuih bahulu. i need to control my eating habits!!!
wrote poems, drew posters, revamped dress rental poster, wrote a story…. good night. so full. ugh!
lessons learnt at educastle's seminar!
25/6 last sunday, i attended educastle's seminar on how to be motivated to learn!
through this talk, i learnt that LEARNING is a choice. it will NOT end after writing that PhD thesis📃. what matters is your curiosity🔍. noone is content with knowing only surface level textbook knowledge, they must also want to know the depths of the iceberg! 🤔
you are a student🧑🏼🎓not because you are binded to high school🏫, but because you are learning. an old man without a degree can also be a student. you choose to learn than stay idle, so congratulations, learner! 📚
a way to be constantly motivated to learn is to develop curiosity for the workings of life🤯. for me, i am extremely interested in the fields of mechanics and engineering🥼, so i will learn that as an interest.
a fact i learnt was that you will remember more of something when you question it🤔, more than if the speaker was directly spitting out facts you don't want to know about.🥱
to understand in depth about real-life problems🤨, you can use the 7 layer technique in which you question your answer 7 times💭. you can use this to develop higher order thinking skills🤔 and also know the contributing factors to your dilemmas.
why do i crave validation? because __. why __? because ___. why...... .... x7
19TH APRIL 2022
a very great day~~!!! woke up, drank chocolate milk for breakfast (like 100ml...) and one slice of bleached bread, one slice of unbleached expired Massimo!
for lunch, i ate at a taiwanese restaurant in kota damansara, it's on the second floor!! very tasty sia! presentation also very good.
photo: [ blob:https://web.whatsapp.com/d025adf1-81d1-4977-8327-b427f49e8778 ]
dessert: [ blob:https://web.whatsapp.com/7f9a0a57-3a76-4a0f-b173-48750af5b4c1 ]
i realise how much i want to go to taiwan again. my mom jokes about going to tokyo disneyland because she wants to have fun, as a teacher everyday is stressful. started catching up on blue lock again.
unsaid parts of the day: me scrolling through instagram and texting my friends, learning about my shadow self and analyzing my parents and friends' birth chart.
for dinner we went to a place that had steamed soup as it's signature dish but ordered no soup. (we ordered sweet sour pork, lala, stir fried yao mak (BEST IN MY OPINION))
photo: [ blob:https://web.whatsapp.com/c43ed55a-3188-46a7-90e9-d389c4e40c77 ] WE DIDN'T EXPECT IT TO BE RM63 😭💔
after we headed home in low spirits we walked around our neighbourhood with cat treats after parking our car. after a while a kitten ran like 99km/hr to our direction and meowed so many times! she's like another version of our old cat..
it had: very light gray ears, grey tail, (the tail is very animated..)
it likes humans a lot whenevr it sees someone new it runs in their direction. it ran to our neighbour so we went home and stared at it in our car porch lolol! then we heard it come back and look around so desperately.. crying. like it actually cried!! "meow... meow..." WE COULDN'T STAND IT so we went back.
when it was almost finished eating it's supposed dad came... it's the cat that pees in our porch. it knows how to sniff!! the kitten just ignores the food if it can't see it clearly. it smells the road intently, like a metal detector!!! whenever it lowers its head to smell the cat treats the kitten scratches him!! like, where is the filial piety!??!!? the dad doesn't care, it just continues sniffing like nothing happened.
"ma, is it the kitten's dad? they have the same colours." "probably. if they weren't related the dad would've slapped him!" (it sounded funnier in chinese)
diary of 11 april 2022
today my dad got vegan sweet and sour pork and other things but i highlighted this because IT WAS SO DAMN GOOD!! sometimes its stale but today's was crunchy and tasty~~
i don't know why i have such an urge to appeal to the male gaze right now. its like im wishing someone would notice me, so i do things i wouldn't do if i was alone.
i really like my art right now (so good!) and i've noticed i draw a lot of baseball nowadays. (i haven't even held a softball). my best deskmate called me pretty hehehe. a few days ago i dropped my pen and my deskmate (stranger) help me pick it up and i forgot to thank her so now i'm feeling super guilty. in break i stared at her and smiled and she said "zmk!??!" with sussy expression it was so cute.
in math teacher asked us a question on expansion of linear equations and the dude she called first got it wrong (but only a bit, he got positive number when it was -7) and afterwards someone whispered the correct answer. teacher looked at the namelist again and called. . ME!!! i spoke the correct answer loud and crisp an clear but i don't think i impressed anybody to be honest it was a lvl2 question, just a level above the basics. and the answer was basically announced before i said it, but my voice made it seem like something new, i guess.
when pe started me and li ting planned to go to the loo together but teacher said only one of us could go at a time. i took the pass first (and a strip of toilet paper from her hahaha..) and walked to the toilet. i ran back after i was done. it was raining lightly but i felt greatly uncomfortable bc when she went to the toilet she gave me a basketball. the ball was wet like a cold orange.
we were moved to the foyer because of the rain. me and liyeen arm wrestled each other and after i won liting challenged me... she is so strpng!!!!! after that i did like 2 sit ups and li ting said i was cute. since the floor we arm wrestled on felt like bricks, my elbow felt really uncomfortable (i already had a blister beforehand). later liting and adrie received volleyballs for many rounds and me and liyeen just stared at them playing while gossiping.
the rest of an hour was boring. i was deciding between joining liting in receiving balls (😧) or continue talking to liyeen. i crave excitement and liyeen is serving but idk why at that time i wanted to join her so much. looking back, i think talking to her was best. "oi u staring at xxx ah" "heheh..." "ï thinking abt my pc1 crush" "actually xxx remind me of my std 6 crush" "wow,"
when the last bell rang we were forced to sit down in the foyer according to classroom and gender. i sat next to xxx... originally i was facing his side profile bc i was sitting sideways and it got awkward bc i was opening my legs so i turned the other way with the help of liting! she is so nice how is this possiblw!!!
i walked back home with my dad i don't know why i was so uncomfortable. i felt so worn out even though i didn't even exercise. for dinner my dad steamed brown rice and frozen siew mai.
diary 8/4/2022
thought my period was going to stop then it peaked in the afternoon what the hell was it because i had diarrhea 2 times this morning/!?
in school, i hated it. i dont know why but i get boring vibes from my best friend/deskmate. it's like we have nothing funny to talk about anymore and she has more friends other than me so sometimes i think "why should i entertain her? she already has so many friends."
i feel like i follow her wherever she goes, even if it doesn't benefit me. am i her mindless sidekick, or someone who knows how to defend herself? i really dont know. im trying to see this from a third person view but i would only view myself as boring, emo and sometimes cheerful person. which is everyone in this world. it's hard to accept that you're someone normal who won't get noticed in a group of kids in uniforms and face masks that look, well.. uniform.
i say i like intellectual people, but now i think it meant laidback smart people who know when to give up on pleasure and work/study. that won't complain over minor things. sometimes people too eager to be number 1 ignore you by reading a textbook. i shouldn't restrict her from reading her book just because i want to talk to her, i didn't in real life. but i wish she would talk to me more. when we talk about art, i have the time of my life and laugh so much. but that happens only once per 3 days. the other days i feel bored as if i am stuck in a box. even though i have people on my left and right, i can't bring myself to talk to them.
why? arent you the self proclaimed extrovert, lol. i really wish for a change of seats. if this goes on... whatever i'll be friends with them eventually, i hope. the girl on my right looks scary and like my aunt and the one on my left is chubby and cute but the guy in front of her talks to her almost every minute. this is a friendship i want, but i can't force my best friend to stop pursuing knowledge, because she can't. the dude who was originally behind me was nice, but he swapped with another dude and i don't even know this new dude's interests. i'm overwhelmed right now. this is like free therapy i didn't even know i felt this way. i really want to sit next to liyeen.
okay rant over time for what happened in school (that i recall)
i really like art class. we went to the classroom for art for the first time today, we didn't even go last year. this teacher likes to give simple summaries and quizzes us. in the last portion of that class he said we could only leave if we answer his questions and that we need to raise our hand (and dont need to wait for him to appoint us we can just say immediately) at first i heard what he said but i didnt know if he was being serious so i waited for him. "apakah dalam dekorasi perahu?" then got like 5, and 3 people answered before me.
MY THOUGHT PROCESS: come on man, choose me i so tall u def can see me and i waving my arm... pls!! wait my best friend said the answer without being called by the teacher, i should do that do. should i? FUCK YES i want to go back to class.
BACK TO REALITY. *raises hand for 5 seconds* *doubts herself, shakes head* "CAAAPINGG!!!!" teacher turns his head around, "siapa cakap caping? kamu? ok boleh balik." AND I LINED UP !!!! and everyone was staring at me kinda. YES! best moment ever.
in science me and alishya sat opposite each other so we had a staring session and it was so cute i didn't feel pressured to stop at all. normally when pointless things happen like chats im not interested in or unfunny actions she did for the 6th time this week, i feel like i have to ignore her. not today though! i taught liyeen the correct way to draw a dichotomous key today.
after school i made my dad drive around the park and he stopped in an alleyway and said i could go down and take pictures of a beautiful tree shedding purple flowers. i posted them in my family groupchat on my dad's phone. i took a flower off the ground and put it next to a pottery piggy bank.
Diary of 4th April 2022
today was very high spirited.
i ate wan ton mee in a hawker stall (it was ok idk if i didn't like it much because i felt irritated or what) and i saw a worker there that looked like the superidoldexiaorong guy. the buff type wearing a sporty white shirt and gel hair with the same face...
my dad drove us home after eating bc he wanted to drag the laundry under the roof in case it rains. i watched and played valorant for a while (im not good at it dont tell me to 1v1). i unlocked yoru today~~
at 1.30 we went to 1u mall for my outing with my beloved! my parents went to daiso bc we were searching for wet wipes (my dad used some today and they were dry and easily broken apart..) we checked coffee bean 3 times but my beloved not there! so we took the lift up a level and then she say she cannot find me so i go down and she greeted me under the elevator!
first we went to popular bookstore. we did nothing really there. we were contemplating so hard whether to buy llaollao and share but we didnt!!! we are cheapskate. we went to toysrus later to laugh at kids toys... then we went to a furniture store to walk around (it was boring). we also went to AEON food court hehe... the fried food and donburis looked so good... the onigiri were rm3.10. later we passed by a sushi store with vacant seats so i told her i'd buy one and the worker seemed so skeptical when i said "ya one only,"... the people in front of me buy like 6 sushi!!! when i finish paying and walked towards the seat two dudes walked in front of us and SAT ON THE CHAIR!! omg... we were 3 seconds late. we found a bench next to the store and i opened the onigiri improperly... it was so good though.
we were going to find this super popular roller-skating place many popular people go to but found nothing!!! then we accidentally encountered the shop once we descended from the escalator.. so many people were walking towards it. we peeped from outside and said "ewww" to appear special.
we also passed by a bakery.. it looked so good the croissants were all covered in flour, marshmallows, cream and strawberry.. rm8.50!! idk what's our problem, always looking at food and never buying anything. then, we walked inside a convenience store and found a table to sit. someone before us left their finished vitagen and pocky there so we sat on the table and pretended that it was our garbage so they wouldnt kick us out LOL!
then we went to aeon again to meet up with her mom and buy her a stick of bread to eat finally... and i went home!! not really. my parents brought me to tesco next.
TESCO IS SO GOOD I REPEATTT,T... THE FOOD SECTION IS SO MAGICAL! so many bread and donuts and suga.r... at a cheap price!! so i can always tell my parents i want something and they'll buy it!! i also bought a checkered sweatpant for rm22. by then im having a lot of period pain and swollen puthylips so i just wish they'd stop fussing over what panties are the best when they're the same design and size lol.... they ditched the panties and checked out thankfully.
while nearing our car we found an orange juice vending machine!! rm6, 3 oranges and fun process to watch it turn into juice. No preservatives, sugar or water!! pure juice! now that's a deal~~ the paper cup is a real bijin too. ITS SO GOOD I TELL U. TO ANYONE WHO LIVES NEAR LOTUS @ MUTIARA DAMANSARA U HAVE TO TRY THE VENDING MACHINE!!!!
after that my dad took us to kota damansara to another hawker stall. my chicken rice was rm6.50 and it was so good!! the rice was yellow and got a lot and the chicken was piled up over cucumber slices so it looked like there were a lot of chicken. the soup is nice as well it tastes homemade. when we walked to our car (very far away) it was raining and fun. we were running and laughing while admiring the scenery~
DIARY
15th of March 2022
i ate 2 curry puffs for breakfast. tasty! i also ate some prawn biscuits in my dad's noodles.
after that i played genshin and did the average social media scrolling. my dad wants to take us out to buy lunch.
he went to AEON to buy burger king. the set came with burgers, fries, coke and a sundae. it was so tasty like no other. the cone was so crunchy!!!! ice cream was the PERFECT amount of sweetness, not like McDonalds where it gets disgusting after you eat too much...
while waiting for my dad to get subway from another mall nearby me and my mom devoured her burger in the car. i ate parts where cheese was dripping out of the meat. my dad returned with two subways and a salmon onigiri.
i ate the onigiri in the car. it's been 5 years and i still dont know how to properly open convenience store rice balls. I've only opened one correctly my whole life and i forgot how i did it.
some grains of rice keeps falling onto the cushions of the car its so annoying. i still ate the whole thing up though it was ok and decent for half frozen food.
the whole car trip I've eaten: fries, 1/4 of a burger, onigiri.
at home i ate 5 bites out of my subway. i keep shuffling from the back of the house go the dining room to watch cats behind the house. there are so many!!! a kitten and its mother and 4 more adult cats that are the same colour.
after i ate i mostly just checked on the cats again to take funny pictures of them and chatting with my friend. THEN THERES A POWER OUT AGAIN!!! they can't stop fixing the lights in the neighborhood.
it was evening. no lights, no wifi. i went outside in my pajamas from yesterday. the full moon in the blue sky was so magical. the clouds were from an oil painting, my mom said. even though oil paintings should be inspired by clouds.
i mostly just did weird stunts outside while waiting for electricity to come back again. eventually it became night and my grandparents cooked dinner in the darkness.
they cooked bihun in fishballs, meat chunks, ikan bilis and water!!! so tasty.
then i caught up with a dusty manga i havent read since last year. IT IS SO GOOD. i was reading it before i wrote this diary, so i am still reading it.
I've also bought some things in my shopee cart for my beloved!!! i used my free shipoing voucher and rm4 off voucher. i got rm13 off..🤤🤤❓❗
DIARY OF 13TH MARCH 2022
13th of March, 2022.
today i woke up so late to
1. avoid paying respects in the cemetery
2. continue my dream
(P.S I hope noone from my old class is tuning in because this is really embarrassing. i dreamt of not being able to pick a food in the hawker centre. then somehow LJH talked about so many things to me and i held his hand and ran to char kuey teow stall. it was so breezy and cool!! he had very warm hands.)
we planned to pay our respects at 10. i woke up at 1035. i ate while rushing. i ate a steamed pumpkin bun made by my grandparents and a bite of yiu tiao.
we arrived at the section where my granduncle is at and see many people surrounding his tomb. someone opened a huge arse umbrella over the tombstone so people sticking incense wouldn't get their skin scorched by the sun. when my parents and i came i heard "omg she's so tall!" 5 times (it was inevitable 😏).
after i made my dad stick my incense in the sand, i stood UNDER THE SUN for 30 AN HOUR AT LEAST!!! i switched places 3 times. first i went under a small ass tree next to an unfamiliar relative of mine. i said Hi!! to seem approachable and to manipulate her to cover me with her umbrella😘 and she responded!! she was nice but i didn't reply to most of her statements because this is who i am.
then i went under another 2 umbrellas that were shared with 3 people each. IT WAS STILL SO HOT BRO THE UMBRELLAS DIDN'T DO NUN💔💔💔 my mom is a sadist she made me wear a gray shirt with black streaks. while she wore a blue shirt and my dad a white one? 🤬
after that i gave up and went to a gazebo with my grandma. it was pretty boring. i just daydreamed under there.
then we went to my M grandmother's house. we tabao'ed kuey teow soup, many kuih and 经济饭. my fav was kuey teow soup. it was good but i got bored of it quickly.
i just scrolled through my phone for the next hour then i only went home. WE WERE STICKY ASF!!
after bathing i played genshin for real for the first time in so long! i was hearing demon slayer SFX (my dad was watching) while cooping with someone nice and there came a power supply cut because someone was fixing a cable or something. so uncalled for. i couldn't say bye bye so she must've thought that i hated her or something. i drew without wifi next to the open sliding door to feel the natural wind!! my mom was watching me draw.
after that we gkt bored and went to eat dinner. luckily i bought a book bc it took so long for the food to come. it was worth it though it was a top tier feast. salted egg mantis shrimp, special edition beancurd with suspicious black sauce, yau mak with fried garlic and carrots, curry fish and okras.
Diary: 12th March 2022
today i ate breakfast (lunch) at 1 because my mom was in a meeting. i didn't eat anything for 4 hours since i woke up except for a pack of 3 month old japanese grape jelly. her meeting was so long it was about orientation for new students @ her school.
i don't get why even the teachers must attend its not like the teachers are answering the questions the parents of the children ask anyway. the people responsible for hosting the meeting could just send them the powerpoint they showcased in the meeting a day before or something.
for breakfast (lunch) my 8 year old cousin is treating us!! she got so much money in her bank account it's crazy. (don't rob her)
she took us to Soon Lee (omg a grandeur restaurant!) it has private rooms and a ballroom and a vegetarian branch next to it. (basically the same dishes owned by the same company but vegan)
they occupied this square room in the restaurant that looked like some gathering place for mafia or people who earn black money having a party. she ordered stir fried veggies (lotus, mushroom, ginko..), sweet n sour pork in yam basket, orange juice fried chicken, tofu in cut up octopus tentacles and lala soup! (the bill was rm168..)
after the bill was paid (by my kid cousin..), my M grandma invited us to sit in her house but we told her we had to catch a movie. it was at 2.20 (we haven't actually booked it yet). when we arrived at the mall, my dad went to the directory and picked 3 tickets. ONE SEAT: RM18. KIDS: RM13. like i literally watched a movie yesterday in the same cinema and they had discount for students and it was RM11 per adult. there was a RM7 price difference between the weekday an weekend! how unbelievable... (so we planned to watch the same movie in a different mall in 2 hours)
we came back to my P grandparents house to freshen up. my grandpa made steamed buns!! it looked like durian flesh on the outside but it's very tasty. i washed my hair with their cold water and it was so refreshing!!!! they collect cold tap water in a huge tub and we have a pail to collect the water and splash it on our bodies. its super convenient and wakes you up even at 6am!
at 5 we departed to watch a movie in a different mall this time. AND GUESS WHAT!!! ADULT FOR RM11!!! KIDS: RM9! and they charged me for the kid price!!! no way in hell. i am 172cm... but whatever saves my money i guess!
after i ate 1/5 of the popcorn i immediately gave the rest to my parents. no way i'm peeing in the middle of a 3 hour movie. never. during the movie i kept fumbling around in my chair searching for a position that will let me hold in my piss for the longest time possible. there was this kid who kept going to the toilet which i only noticed were 3 different kids wearing the same shirt at the end of the movie.
when the movie ended it was already 8.20. we went back home and my grandparents ordered takeout! i got cold fried rice while both my parents ate char kuey tiaw. my nana baked a sponge cake for supper which i ate because i forgot i had my teeth brushed.
11th March + MOVIE REVIEW (JJK 0)
DIARY
11th March 2022
i woke up at half past nine. my grandparents brought two pork buns for me as breakfast because they didn't know what i liked. my dad asked the price of the buns which were RM2.50 each. it's a relatively large bun but it has less meat inside compared to the most delicious pork bun i have ever tasted in the city that had so much delicious pork inside that were RM2.80 each.
which was shocking. CITY AND TOWN PORK BUNS ONLY 40 CENTS APART?! ....
at 1120 my parents and i left for the nearby mall to watch batman. at least, we planned to. we prepared to go out at 1111 but only finished changing after 9 mins. i kept my 5 year old pajama top on and changed into puffy shorts that were most likely my mom's from the 2000's.
omg. we were late for the batman movie by 10 minutes. the movie picking screen didn't sell its tickets anymore! before going to the mall i joked about watching jujutsu kaisen 0. it was going to come true right now.
my mom hates all anime except for demon slayer so i convinced her to accompany us to watch because it was "just like demon slayer!"
she didn't like it. 🤭🤔🤬
[IN THE CINEMA]
it had so many people. like 9 at most. not including us! it was such an unusual sight for this small town where even the malls weren't prosperous.
I WAS SHAKING MY LEGS FOR MORE THAN HALF OF THE MOVIE. IT WAS SO FCKING COLD AND I WANTED TO PEE AGAIN AS SOON AS I SAT ON THE SEATS. i just peed before i came here....
the sound system is so loud. for someone who plays her music loud until the first floor also can hear, it must be something. the opening was so hard to listen to. the first few lines were heaven since it was like whispers being magnified then the rock guitar and vocals came and i literally wanted to shit myself of embarrassment. if even i felt uncomfortable what would my mom think of this anime!!!! but the loud arse sound system also had its pros. the fighting scenes were godly. the katana sound effects, explosion sounds, footsteps.. AMAZING!!!
-- end of cinema arc😒 --
after the movie we went to the bookstore downstairs. i have nothing to say about this. just normal me taking pics of the books and sending them to myself, adding them to my BOOKS TO READ photo album.
we then went to my maternal grandmother's house to eat lunch! she cooked steamed egg with pork, steamed fish, steamed potato wedges and australian cabbage 🥬!
3 packs of mini chips more were shared among us. "chips more more like chips less!" there were like so less chips in a single bag but it was too sweet so it was justifiable.
my dad and little cousin played off price street fighter on the tv.
my grandmother was blowing cucumber shaped balloons. (to scare my cousins)
after that we went back to my P grandma's house. there are literally no cats in the day and 5 cats gathered together in the evening.
my grandmother cooked char siew, fried eggs and steamed broccoli with prawn for dinner!!! the latter was the most delicious!!!!
i took many cat photos today~ two cats were questionably climbing trees.
- PRESENT -
MOVIE REVIEW
Jujutsu Kaisen 0
this movie was awesome!
the first anime movie i actually watched in the cinema and not pirated on animix.play?!??!? it was awesome. best first anime film ever. idk if its just me convincing myself that to think i spent my money wisely but whatever!
OK THE ANIMATION WAS FIRE. my legs were SHAKING for 100 minutes until i was used to the animation and cold arse air con in the cinema. the sound effects were so real i felt like i was there.
PROS.
sound effects - 10/10 loved the sound of metal scraping the grass.
OST - upbeat and club-esque. i love it they played it in the right scenes.
animation: I DONT WANT TO REPEAT THIS. I LOVE THE ANIMATION. animation made normal fighting scenes we see everywhere in media very exciting. explosions! dodging! slapping each other with a spear!
songs - i only really liked the last song in the end credits. the first two were mediocre.
short video after end credits - 5/10 dk the point of it but it was shocking. i waited 4 minutes after the end credits with a bursting bladder just to watch this?! yuta somehow looks older. appreciate him being in Kenya eating their food though.
CONS.
repetition - stop replaying the same rika x yuta scene as kids please. i have had enough of "yakusoku da yo🥺" and her smiling. it's cringe to me i'm so sorry. makes me feel like im watching MHA.
6/10 storyline
i THINK. that this movie's plot was ok. if not for the fantastic animation i would've giving it a 6 as shown above. predictable, cliche shonen and shit ending.
SPOILERS
ok but what was that ending i expected more. maybe MAPPA was exhausted. i get it. but rika just exploding and turning into her normal form because she wasn't "actually dead🥺"? and yuta not even dying even though he promised to? idk.
conclusion
anime was mediocre. ost and animation saved this generation's shounen manga.
9TH MARCH DIARY + BOOK REVIEW
DIARY
today me and my family are planning to go to taiping, perak!! our hometown! my mom, dad and i's birth place!! he planned to depart early in the morning but i only woke up at 10am.
after i brushed my teeth, chicken flavoured instant noodles with Australian cabbage were graced with my presence.
i still ate so many things after eating the noodles. (like.. half a steamed pork bun.. cucumber, boiled egg...)
my dad took so darn long to search what a store he wanted to visit halfway through the highway was named after. (SPOILER: we didn't get to buy the biscuits he spent 30 mins searching for prior to our trip)
i was bored out of my mind for the first two hours, sleeping (awakely) for like half an hour then waking up to pee. the petrol station was such a good experience!! the squatting toilet is so convenient for people lazy to wipe the toilet seat.
after an hour we arrived in the city of ipoh! it's really close to taiping but we just couldn't stand it anymore the chicken rice shop there was so famous.
walking past many shoplots we saw a fluffy white cat spotted with gray! i swear i heard it meowing but when i meowed it didn't meow back that cibai!
my dad ordered 3 bowls of butter rice, tauge, white chicken and braised chicken feet! IT WAS SO GOOD LWT ME TELL YOU!!! but the portions were very small. thank god they were because i would've felt more carsick later if it wasn't...
so my dad was researching a biscuit shop in ipoh for half an hour because he forgot the name and directions. when we queued in front of the shop. the person in front of us got the biscuits but we didn't!! "sold out," they said.. "we only made half today," they said...
after exiting ipoh we were on the road for 1.5 hours i think. i felt like it was 1.5hrs. i read my book about animals there. IT WAS SO UNCOMFORTABLE!!!! i felt like the food hasn't completely digested yet. i would feel uncomfortable already if i wasn't in a car but now im also reading a book?! im def asking for it imo. but i cant stop reading the book bc this road trip is so darn boring!!! this goddamn radio station plays the same songs every 2 hours.
when we arrived at my maternal grandmother's house my mom played snake chess with mg younger cousins while me and my dad watched dramas hahaha. im on ep 28 of falling into your smile!!! i can't live without it.
i also ate two fried fishballs from the dining room! hehehe.. nothing really happened in her house. after we left we tried to find food. we went to a hawker stall. when my dad was buying siam laksa, pepper pork belly soup, satay and kuih kak, i was playing my mp3 songs to my mom. she laughed when i tried to sing etoile et toi from kizumonogatari!
i can't. the food was horrible. even i who has a lotta pity for chefs who botched their food i can't forgive this. not when my soup tastes like plain water with pepper in it! it was rm9.90. THE ONE IN KEPONG was so much nicer and 90 cents cheaper. this is supposed to be a small town! even the cheaper one in the city is better?! but that one in kepong is my favourite store ever so i can't judge. the satay was average. it smelled so good but its texture is like chicken breast which im not a fan of.
i forgot to wash my hair today🥺
when i returned to my paternal grandparents' house (where we were staying at), i bathed and played with my phone until i felt guilty and started reading my book which ill be writing a review of later.
A/N: i was also talking to flies and chasing them out of the room but they weren't getting out. and when i was opening the door another fly came in. fucking cibai!!!!
BOOK REVIEW
Big Game by Stuart Gibbs
OKAY. ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ FIVE STARS! FULL!
i expected this book to be fcking trash because. i thought people on goodreads were high when reading this book. but no!!! they are perfectly sober.
i think im the target audience here. young teenagers. and mr gibbs served! the cover is really nicely drawn and the hardcover rocks! i got it super half priced at book xcess i love that store. the paper skin of the cover and the hardcover expensive notebook-esque format got me down on my knees!
OK SO. the main character. Teddy. super cute and likable. knows a darn lot about animals. i searched some of the animals he mentioned online and they are. SO CUTE! he's super smart too. reading about 7th grade life just gives me memories! i graduated primary school in covid so it was a comfort to me knowing how normal peoples 7th grade went i guess.
the story is an exciting slow burn. you get to like everyone in the cast and follow teddy and his friends as they try to expand the list of suspects. even though reading about kids trying to solve a mystery isn't that fun, i somehow didn't drop the book. it was like real life in a way. it isn't exciting like tv shows but it portrays real life. you feel like you're actually teddy and things that happen to him might happen to you too.
it's so fun to see them chasing potential killers around and getting wrongly accused. it's so uncertain you might never steadily make a guess on who is the killer. 50 pages later ___ is the main suspect. 20 pages later xxx is likely...? you never hold on to a suspect for more than 60 pages until it makes you doubt yourself and you don't pick suspect to suspect at all.
AND THE PLOT TWIST!!!! yes i said jt i dont need to elaborate don't i. it just means there is an unprecedented plot twist.
the ending was really unexpected and i really enjoyed it. i was bored out of my mind before i read the ending so it was really worth it. (and my time)
Diary of 6 March 2022
i was dreaming of some vacation at the sea but it felt stressful. then i got teleported to my grandma's house and a pigeon flew in. so i woke up! i immediately went to check my phone.. haha....
i banned myself from scrolling in the morning and went to read my book. after a while i ate 3 cookies and went in the car with my parents! they are bringing me to Kepong to eat vietnamese food located in a shoplot under a condo~
OMG! it's not open yet.... so we went to a hawker stall we gushed over before finding a parking spot near the vietnamese restaurant. we actually planned to eat there next time since we already wanted to eat at the vietnamese restaurant. it's fate i guess!
i was probably getting weird stares from wearing pjs. its a graphic shirt of a thai god. it's very pretty!! and black PE pants...?? anyway we found a seat really quickly~!!
i ordered black pepper pork stomach soup with rice while my mom and dad ordered porridge and char kuey teow respectively. mine arrived first!! IT WAS RM9. and the soup and all was in a medium sized claypot. IT WAS FULL WITH SOUP AND MEAT????? AND... he gave me a lot of rice too. RM9!??!?!?! 2 AMERICAN DOLLARS!!! Wow.. hehe. what a deal!
when waiting for the food to come my dad called a char siew pau vendor in Pudu, KL to reserve 10 steamed buns for him because the vendor is super popular.. if he doesn't call he'll be too late!
waiting for my dad to come back, i could either daydream or read a book as i didn't bring my phone so i decided to take pictures of strangers posing for instagram photos in the street. my mom deleted them. they went to pet cats under a motorcycle after.
after my dad returned, we promised to buy 2 bottles of soy milk for our aunt and her daughters living near us. BUT I WANTED TO PEE! and her house is far from kl. everytime we're on our way to her house i always burst a kidney aye!
the store my dad wanted to buy soy milk from was a truck next to a shopping complex so you could say i was lucky! we passed by a coding/engineering class on the way. I SAW A KID MAKE A 3D MODEL (on Blender?)!! i want to do it too but i'm afraid of giving up halfway.
after i pissed my dad and i went to buy sengkuang (Jícama), soy milk and shaving cream. my dad passed by AEON and bought jicama, grapes and two cucumbers! when waiting for the soy milk outside he went to caring pharmacy in the shoplots in front of the exit of the mall. i waited outside in the 38 celsius weather... #RIP
we returned to the car where my mom was waiting in after he bought the cream and milk. then we sent the milk to our aunt and went home. it gets boring. after i finish reading my novel, start a new novel and play video games only do i shower. it's 5pm. what a stinky baby!
if you're curious:
BOOK I FINISHED: Aftercare Instructions by bonnie pipkins / ★★★★☆
BOOK STARTED: big game by stuart gibbs ☆☆☆☆☆?
my parents went out to takeout vegan petai fried rice and pepper udon. it was neat? idk the spice burned my ulcer... (◡﹏◡)
my mom commented on how oily the kitchen utensils were so my dad washed them for me today! love ya... he told me he washed the two cups i was scared to wash this afternoon because of an alleged bee who invaded our kitchen!!?/
A/N: i got yae miko on my alt because i had an impulse to roll. i shouldve waited for ayaka goddamn t=it. TIT?
journaling
what do i fill the pages with? words? hard. drawings? bad at them. ideas? need to arrive.
Día 9
Desde que soy niña se esperaban cosas de mi. Los adjetivos "inteligente", "curiosa" y "extrovertida" eran aplicados a mi de manera constante. Crecí creyendo ser especial y el charco del que era reina me hacía sentir merecedora. Buenas calificaciones y un gusto por aprender y saber pasaron a ser segundo término, el primero era ser reconocida.
Pasé por momentos duros, situaciones en las que pensé que cualquier persona menos yo merecía eso. Cuando pasaba, era combustible para mi sensación de superioridad. Yo soy especial y necesito esta gran tragedia para serlo aún más. Era egocéntrica y con un gusto para lo dramático. Cuando la vida me tiraba, aquellos que esperaban cosas de mi, esperaban aún más.
No es divertido. La primera vez que te caes, duele y mucho. Pero los ánimos de otros te ayudan a disimular el dolor y seguir, y la segunda y la tercera...
Cuando has caído suficientes veces y todo te duele tanto, prefieres ser normal. Prefieres ser menos. Lo que sea con tal de que alguien te ayude a levantarte ésta vez. Llega un punto en que las manos te arden de tener que amortiguar tus caídas. Las lágrimas desprenden mugre sobre tu rostro. La vergüenza te baña.
Cuando caes, cuando sufres, cuando prefieres dejarte morir, entiendes. Ellos saben que TÚ tienes más capacidades. Las metas que te proponen, son a las que no llegan.
Ahora, respira y vive tus emociones del día a día. Decepcionar a esa gente lo suficiente, es la mejor cura para dejar de decepcionante. Ahora puedes tener metas propias, como tener calcetines bonitos todos los días.
Random Diary Entry
There are a lot of things I would like to share with people. To explain to people that I like. I’d like to say why am I so scared to coming to close with them, or why I joke about suicide 24/7. I just don’t think that those essays about my idiocity will be appropriate in the situations. I don’t think I’ll ever share something that deep inside me with anyone of them. I don’t want to think I’m weird or to be scared. I want to see smiles on their faces and hear their laugh and I’d like to share something back, but I cannot give anything. Atleast anything nice or funny. Maybe I’m just too bad as a companion, haha.
I would like to share all I want with them, but I’m scared. I don’t want to think I’m weak or broken. Even if I am, there no need for them to know. Sometimes I imagine stuff like that In my head and it never sounds good, huh. Maybe I just miss something important.
Funny how many aspects of my life still feel the same way although multiple years have passed. Guess some things never change.
Entry #27, part 2
...until Yuri told us we were allowed to massage each others freely and as we wanted to. Raph asked me, if I wanted him to go on and take care of my shoulders, and of course I said yes. I mean, why should I miss out on a free relaxing program? XD As he was moving his hands along my back and shoulders, I closed my eyes and just listened to all of the sounds the kids around us made. Suddenly, I heard Yuri say my name, and that’s when I started to listen to her. >>... and Mary looks like she’s having the time of her life.<< HELL YEAH I WAS! It was so relaxing to have someone who genuinely cares about you sitting behind you... and so strangely unfamiliar, too. I don’t know, I guess I should find more people who care about me.
That afternoon, we met up again. But that time I needed help with math, and since he mentioned that he was good at it and we got along just fine (if you get the reference you get bonus points), I decided to ask him to help me. And he did! After we finished, we talked about music, and somehow drifted off, which led to him... hugging me. He. Hugged. Me. I cannot put into words how wanted I felt at that moment. More than I have for a very, very long time. Though, sadly I didn’t feel much... Anyways. About an hour after that, he went ‘home’. I accompanied him, and when we parted ways, we hugged again.
On the 3rd, Raph’s little brother and the little sister from a friend of mine thought it would be funny to push Raph’s and my head together as to make us kiss.
...it didn’t work. XD
Nothing else happened, until I was going for a walk on the beach at night. It was about.. 7 pm, and already dark outside. The clouds hung heavy in the sky, hiding the stars and the moon, tainting the sea a deep, dark brown-ish black. The horizon itself was a fulfilling black, turning lighter the higher one looked at the clouds. I adored the sight. As I went, I talked to myself like I usually do. That eventually led to me crying, becoming aware of how absolutely useless I was to everyone around me, how much I disappointed the ones that cared about me in a seemingly whole other world, a timeline long forgotten... and I may have let myself go too much. I cried like I haven’t in a long, long, long time. I don’t know if it was good to let out my feelings or stupid because someone could possibly have listened to my sobbing... normally, if I do cry, I cry in company of someone I trust or care about. And up until that day, I was physically not able to. I don’t know why, but I could never cry on my own. There always had to be someone. But maybe... I didn’t feel alone that night? Maybe I felt as if someone was with me, even when they were not physically there? I don’t know, and I don’t think I’ll find out any time soon, but it’s definitely worth thinking about.
On the 4th, me and Raph went to the beach together at night. The stars were shining brightly, brighter than I’ve ever seen them sparkle, the moon was more beautiful than I had it in mind... everything just seemed a lot brighter and better. We talked for about an hour, then his mother told him to come back to their room. I loved having him as my company. Even if it was very cold, I was determined to stay with him. And so I did. I even stayed on the bench a few minutes after he left, talking to myself again. But soon, it was too cold, so I went up to my room, too.
The 5th, 6th, 7th and 8th went without any notable events.
The 9th, though, was a good day for me. First, we went to a sports hall to do some sports. After that, we went back to the ‘daycare‘ and me and Raph just kinda... started cuddling? It was really nice, and time was going by way too fast, until... my commitment phobia kicked in. (I should probably tell you that I have commitment issues due to my HoRrIbLe past) I ignored it, tho, so I kinda forced myself into being happy, or feel comfortable... buuut that actually did the exact opposite. I felt pretty uncomfortable, but I ignored that too, so I could try and just let myself fall into the embrace, I guess? Honestly, I don’t regret it. I think I needed the cuddling, the intimacy towards another person. Something that I noticed was that he seemed very calm and relaxed. I think he enjoyed himself, too.
The next day was just stressful. I had to travel back home with ___ and my sister, and of course the two fought a lot. Anyways, that was the rest of my ‘vacation’. More information on what and how I’ve been doing for the past week in the next entry!
Mary out!~
Antlers Of Life
Personal book in progess TW: Depressive thoughts and possible triggering themes 1.484 words
Chapter 1 – REGRET
Most of the time I would rather sacrifice a good night’s sleep just to avoid waking up. It seems easier going through a day exhausted, knowing soon I'd get a good nap after a busy day, rather than dealing with the process of waking up. I’ve always hated waking up at a specific time. Sure, waking up naturally is obviously much preferred than not getting any sleep but waking up on cue does it for me. I’m not a morning person. I hate the mornings. I hate most things, actually.
I hate working, I hate getting up from my bed, I hate interacting with people, I hate society, I hate the afternoon, I hate rules, I hate depending on someone, I hate it when others tell me to do something, I hate myself most of the time. The list could go on and on. Sometimes, I wish to not wake up at all. The idea of eternal sleep sounds amazing. I’d be alone, I’d have full control but most of all I could breathe and relax. The feeling of taking a deep breath, your chest expanding without feeling tight or limited, the fresh air filling your lungs to the brim. It sounds nice in a literal sense, now imagine how nice it feels in a metaphorical sense, where your whole life feels like a big, fresh breath. This type of life only appears in my wildest dreams. I’ve never heard anyone describe their life like that. Because it isn’t. Life’s a bitch. But I still can’t help but wonder, like a little doe surrounded by darkness, that maybe one day, my life will be a big, fresh deep breath as lights poke through. Is it so wrong to hope for such a feeling?
My life isn’t bad, don’t get me wrong, others have it much worse. But I still crave to feel like a person. I still crave to understand what exactly I am, what I’m feeling, why I function the way I do, why am I uncapable of some things while others nail it from the first try? I know we are supposed to be different, I know that’s the beauty of it, but sometimes I wish to be like someone else, someone who knows what they are supposed to do. And I know, I know, many will tell me; Fawn, there isn’t a single person that knows what to do with their life. I guess we shouldn’t be considered that different then. Why is it so hard to be human sometimes? Aren’t we supposed to have control over that? Over whom we are, what we do, what we strive to be and then making it all possible? Isn’t that apart of being human? Why aren’t we human yet we claim we are?
This is why I hate rules, society, the government, parents, any kind of authority. They make you forget about yourself, about your pleasures, the things you enjoy and the things that aren’t actually impossible to achieve, you’re just too busy focusing on their needs and your own survival that you leave yourself behind. In life, most things and people will always remind us that we are the most important thing to ourselves, yet no one actually puts themselves first. Not the people who remind you of that, not you, not anyone else.
In social situations, I always bite off more than I can chew. Actually, that’s not true. That’s just something you’re used to hearing. That’s the common situation. Where a person bites off more than they can chew. A situation where you say things you don’t mean, where you say too much. That’s not it for me. I always bite less than I can chew. I always bite a chunk that never fills me, never even reaches my belly, yet I find a way to make it satisfy me. Or maybe that’s just something I tell myself to not bite off more than I do. But... What am I so scared of? Is it guilt? No, it can’t be. Is it just general fear? Is it because I was raised like that or is it something else. Something I can’t see just yet. Maybe I’m just a people pleaser as everyone calls it. There’s always a reason behind it, but I wouldn’t really be able to see it at the moment.
There are many things that make me feel the same. Laying in my bed, unable to get up from it, completely tied down to it. Other people such as my family constantly warn me of the concequences I’m already well aware of. Which made me realize, sometimes people’s encouragement only discourages me furthermore. It was always funny to me how it had the opposite effect of what it was meant to do. Moping in bed definitely isn’t something I thought life would have in for me, but I do admit, sometimes it’s very necessary. I don’t know how long I'd be able to not snap if I didn’t rot in my bed as much as I do. Makes me question things when I put it like that.
I think I’ve realized a part of why I chew less than I need.
It’s the fact I’m afraid of being in the wrong. I don’t want to attack an innocent person; someone I simply misunderstood. It’s because I always put others in front of me. I ignore my feelings, worrying about theirs. I don’t want to be the bad guy. Anytime I’d stand up for myself, even if I was in the right, other people would go against me and stand with the one who hurt me. That action alone makes me doubt myself and my actions. What if I actually am the bad one? I just don’t want to gain confidence defending myself against someone who is actually innocent. I fear regret. I don’t want to regret standing up for myself or doubt myself, it’s not something I'm used to or something pleasant to feel.
I’ll always regret bed rotting, no matter the amount of positive cheering I get from friends or family I still choose that every single time and I would lie if I said I didn’t regret it. Life is much more than my four walls of comfort and safety. I know that, I know that very well, but I don’t feel that. No matter how many mistakes I make, I keep making them because I always give in to my feelings. To my cravings. To whatever has that control over me, and sometimes I’m not sure I’d want to change that. It feels comfortable as much as it’s killing me.
Regret will always follow me through my actions. And I know I can stop it; I keep doing things that make me regretful such as not getting a good night's sleep and being overly exhausted just because I didn’t want to wake up. The waking up process, as annoying as it is, doesn’t last long and frankly everyone goes through it every single day. So, why am I so keen on fighting it? It won’t kill me, and I’ll regret it anyhow. That’s a question I don’t know the answer to yet. Feeling like this makes me frustrated, because I am working on it as much as it doesn’t seem like it. Because in reality, there’s a big part of me that’s fighting all the other ones that put my body and mind down. A part of me that’s sick of feeling depressive, regret, guilt... A part of me that wants to be a person, a person that shines more than the sun. A person that wants to not make people feel regret like I do. And sometimes that side can get so pushy, it pushes me and the others over the edge.
But that side makes me even more confused. It’s so different then the side I just explained, the side that has all those thoughts. I don’t know who I am.
Because truly I actually love the mornings and not missing out a part of the day, I love working and feeling my body move, I love getting up from my bed and making another day, I love interacting with people and learning new things about them, I love the society, at least one part of it, the part that supports other people, I love the afternoon and the warmth given by the sun, I still hate the rules though, I love being independent but it also feels relaxing to sometimes depend on someone else, I love it when others tell me what to do because my memory isn’t the best and they are just trying to help and I’m definitely still learning to love myself most of the time.
So, who am I? The negative part of my thoughts or the positive one fighting to break to the surface?
Sunny is a girl in a sea of girls
I want to be loved like a piece of jewelry. You would hate it if I were gone and you would feel my absence like a misplaced thought.
The third and last time we met you did not touch me in a new or exciting way. This is when I realized I was searching for a feeling that did not exist.
I want to be loved like a thing you find god in. There are few things like that: writing, discipline, truth. But I am no vessel of god, I am searching for it too.
Even though I looked at your face for many hours I cannot remember it. You had eyes and a mouth, unshaven. Your body cold and made to worship. The missing section of the heart is where humanity lies and your heart is impossibly whole.
Dude last night I had this dream we were fucking. I saw the back of your neck all bare and it was like I fell forward lips first onto it. Thin gold chain, spring clasp, I ripped it off with my teeth. I heard you choke for a second until it broke but you knew I wouldn't hurt you.
And in the dream we are in your bed, in your old room, the one you shared with that emo boy-girl who didn't want you having anyone over ever, in that so silent space of broken eye contact and listening, listening. A space can't last if you know you have to leave it right, so here I am writing about some pathetic dream I had about some thing I said I would forget. Maybe some other night I would write about softness or upturned lips but no this is all water now
It's Saturday and I'm smoking out my bedroom window again.
A lyric is stuck in my head: the end is closer every second than it's ever been right now.
I wonder that dying is the only thing I'll never be able to control. I find it hard to believe that I won't be scared.
I know that's why people believe in God— because they're scared. I don't really have anything to believe in; maybe the air bubbles in oil, adrenaline, a first draft.
I want to believe in something that's worthy of it. But I haven't found anything like that yet.
Myself, maybe?
On being weak
Rainy days, everyone is equal. Everyone's pant cuffs soaked, smokers under awnings. We're all missing somebody else.
I basked in idleness like a dog in light. I saved myself.
Things healed and plants grew and if I die here or not litters will still be born. I could be born with them.
Six days sober
Recently learned about a type of pattern synesthesia where people can pick out 4-leaf clovers easily
I wonder if they are more lucky
All this expectation is a knife!!
Getting worse and better and worse and better and worse and better and worse and better and worse and better and worse and better and worse and better and worse and better and worse and better
I recreate situations in the Sims 4 to feel some grasp of control over them