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I see what Jeff Kinney did there, wtf...
In Dumbledore’s Office
Fred: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Dumbledore: I don’t know, why?
Fred: To get to the idiots house.
Fred: Knock, Knock.
Dumbledore: Who’s there.
Fred: The Chicken.
Dumbledore: ...
Fred: ...
Dumbledore: I wont give you detention on one condition.
Fred: What?
Dumbledore: Go tell that joke to Snape.
My friends are genuinely shocked when I come up with the dirtiest, most hysterical sex joke ever known to a man. Like, just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I don't know anything about sex. Shoutout to my smut I read at 3am.
Note To Society #18
Jokes about rape, racist jokes, sexist jokes, ‘did you just assume my gender’ jokes, jokes about nazi’s, jokes about suicide, jokes about ‘triggers’ are going to upset people. I’m sorry, but it’s true. And if you aren’t comfortable with those types of jokes, say something. If they’re a good person, they’ll stop. If not, leave ‘em. If someone doesn’t like the jokes you’re making, stop. Respect people, please.
OK so my dad likes tell jokes right
But not the traditional terrible, we've heard them 1000 times....
No, he tells the BEST fucking dirty jokes imaginable
So I was just mind my business, eating pizza rolls, when my dad comes in the room and......
Dad: I've got a joke for you
Me: ooo what is it?
Dad: what do Lord of the rings and brokeback mountain have in common?
Me: *taking a big bite of mah food* what?
Dad: *trying to contain his laugh* two rings get destroyed
Me: *chokes on food*
Both: *dying of laughter, legit could not breathe*
Mum: *sighing* oh god not again.....
Leonard: Today at the store they told me I look thirty-five.
Barry: Well, they lied to you.
Leonard: That's it. And how much would you give me?
Barry: Life without parole.
Леонард: Сегодня в магазине мне сказали, что я выгляжу на тридцать пять.
Барри: Ну, тебе соврали.
Леонард: Вот как. И сколько бы ты дал мне?
Барри: Пожизненное заключение без права на досрочное освобождение.
My first animation I know it’s really short only 22 seconds actually. But I hope you guys like it anyway（´∀`）.
Shifting is not real. You are lucid dreaming. It is not the same thing.
Yeah of course, you are right. One day a thousands of people decided that we should start lying about shifting. I’m schizophrenic and all my shifting experience was only happening in my head. All this time I’ve been lying, I’m crazy and mentally unstable and someone should lock me up in a psychiatric ward
Well, shit… I didn’t make an April Fools’ post, and I love this…
and I like Nine Inch Nails? 🤔 🤨
Fuck it, I’m posting.
tumblr april fools 2024
"Buy the rumor - sell the news"
He's just like me fr
"I wish mom would bake me pies instead of my face"
Me: you're killing me, Smalls!
Smalls, who is actively stabbing me: oh shit you're right. My fault
i say we start a meme where we take jokes that don’t work in other languages and translate them without explanation maybe only tagging with the original language and confuse the heck out of everyone on tumblr who’s not in on the meme like
in italian we say “prince light blue” (prince azzurro) instead of “prince charming” and i just saw a joke that in english would be “if you can’t find your prince charming, the solution is to take a random dude from the street and paint him”
If two mind readers read eachother's minds, who's mind are they reading?
Don't confess over text. Don't confess face-to-face. Have a backup plan...
And confess on April Fools'
What starts with O-, ends in -NIONS, and sometimes makes you cry?
Opinions.
What did an One For All user say to the person they wanted to forcibly pass One For All to?
"I'll make you an OFA you can't refuse."
Penguins can fly, if thrown hard enough…
Just like children.
How normal people spell trash: T-R-A-S-H
How MHA fans spell trash: M-I-N-E-T-A
Never run with Bagpipes.
You might get kilt.
EXCUSE ME?!
Looking through my little sister's Nat Geo magazine and I would just like to say, why? What do you expect us to wear? Shorts? a Dress? I would rather go to jail ngl.
