Luztoye - Blog Posts

Ooh prompt idea: for the ships, who is the one who fills the bathroom with bath, skincare and hair care products and who is the one who uses one product for everything?

oh gosh, this one is too easy, because you  k n o w  who the divas are

WINNIX

when they first move in together, dick is honestly baffled.

how many bottles of cologne can one man have?  they’re all different scents?  he’s not even sure nix shaves every day, how and why does he have so many creams?

nix likes to smell nice, okay.  when you’ve got alcohol literally leaking out of your pores, you’ve got to put in effort not to walk around reeking like a distillery.  it helps that he’s got contacts with this cologne company in paris, and his sister is a bit of a beauty guru who’s constantly gifting him products...

he’s got a collection, okay?   dick has some hair creme and cologne for special occasions, but that’s it.  he doesn’t know what 90% of the things in their cabinet are, and at this point, he’s afraid to ask.

SPEIRTON

speirs hoards hair products.  this...  shouldn’t be a surprise.

lipton didn’t know what conditioner was before meeting speirs.   with all due respect, his hair isn’t the most...  luscious.   all he’s really done before was shampoo it, wash it out, and comb it back.  lip is a ‘meticulously-organized-bathroom-cabinet’ person, not a clutter person.

thankfully, speirs is very organized too.  he color-codes his clutter, so it’s not a big deal.

lipton has a shampoo he’s committed to, a toothpaste he’s used for years, and a cologne he bought ages ago and has worn...  maybe twice.

speirs likes to experiment with different brands and different scents.  it’s all very manly.  he was tempted to buy cherry blossom-scented soap once, just because it smelled gorgeous; he only refrained because it was obscenely overpriced.

BABEROE

babe gets so used to living with his bathroom cabinets overflowing with crap  ---  none of it his  ---   that when bill moves out, taking his many male beauty products with him, it’s a little jarring.

the bathroom cabinets look...  lonely.

it doesn’t help that gene’s, like, really minimalist.  he’s been using the same brands for years, and they suit him just fine.  his four bathroom products, added to babe’s five, and their cabinets are...  pretty damn depressing.

since neither of them are really the “cologne and hair gel” type, babe’s at a loss.  they have to fill it with something...  so, when he’s helping his mom clean out her attic one day, and finds a box of action figures from his childhood, he gets an idea.

gene opens the cabinet the next morning to be met with...  a dozen mini superheroes, and a handful of gi-joes.

and babe’s just getting started.

their cabinets are full of clutter, but none of it’s actually useful.   trinkets babe picked up at the dollar store, cool stones gene found, spare change, little gifts gene’s pediatric patients make him...   they have the most colorful bathroom cabinets, and both are very happy with the chaos they find inside every morning.

WEBGOTT

oh my god, have you seen both of these mens’ hair???  

they need product galore.  they hoard the stuff.  liebgott’s got the silky-smooth texture, but web’s got volume, and they both have their own brands of shampoo they’re committed to.  (web’s smells like kiwi; lieb is a honeysuckle guy.  honestly, they both use womens’ shampoo, and they’re not ashamed of it.)

web also has so much body wash that he frankly Does Not Need.

their shower racks are overflowing, and don’t even open the bathroom cabinet.  weirdly enough, lieb takes better care of his skin than web  ---  he’s constantly nagging web about getting sunburned while out on his boat at all hours.  lieb works hard to look good, and if that means exfoliating cream, he’ll use it.

LUZTOYE

so, neither of them are big on beauty regimes.  joe’s very smart about his deodorant, and takes care of his hair, but he doesn’t go overboard.  george’s hair is more floppy, and one of his sisters is a stylist, so she’s taught him how to take care of it; he’s a got a few shampoos-and-conditioners cluttering the shower, and one always manages to fall on joe’s foot when he’s in there.  whoops.

they’ve also got apricot scented shaving cream.  it was a gift from joe’s oldest sister.  they think it was a joke, but it’s actually great, so they both use it.

and like...  look.  listen.  george got dragged into doing face masks with his sisters once, and now he can’t get enough of them.   his skin is glowing, joe, look at that  ---   his pores can breathe!  it’s liberating!  it’s a miracle!  he’s got a few masks in the drawer, and sometimes if he’s home alone he’ll throw one on after a shower.  joe refuses to be dragged into it as a matter of principle.

Luz: *says something stupid/annoying*

Toye: That’s it

Toye: I’m breaking up with you

Luz, grinning: You say as you continue to lay your head in my lap

Toye, glaring up at Luz from his lap: Shut the fuck up

Liebgott: i cant belive you and Toye broke the bed last night

Perconte: yeah, it must have been wild

Luz: aha yeah..

*last night*:

Luz: i bet you cant jump high enough to touch the ceiling

Toye: try me.

Very random headcanons about the easy boys:

Babe was down with the flu and spend three days not leaving his bed and watching conspiracy theories on netflix

The very next time he went back to work and saw Speirs, he was damn sure his captain was replaced by a reptile and Speirs is actually an enormous lizard hiding under human skin;

Bill knows one direction songs better than some of the 1d fans;

Hoobler always thinks that those little sparks in the sky at night are not planes but ufos;

Smokey blocked him on the phone because he got tired of Hoobler sending him real pixelated dots of the night sky with GORDON THEY ARE REAL SHIT FUCK WE GONNA DIE messages;

Guys have “no questions asked” use of one time for each other;

Meaning that if one of them calls the other and asks to do something and ads “no questions asked”, the latter will not ask, tell, question or deny anything he is asked to do;

Examples of this involved Lip going to a real shady place at 4am in the morning to give some money to nix who was buying a baby goat from Russian mafia;

Roe trying to remove Cob’s dick from a plant pot;

Speirs playing along with acting that Harry is the prince of Wales just so that Harry would get a free desert and some restaurant in a small village in Madagascar;

 Nix trading naked, tied to a bed Speirs for three big macs from a 70-year-old hooker;

Luz distracting Sobel by kissing him because Lieb was planting a prank in Sobel’s room and almost got caught by Sobel returning early;T

he last incident cause a whole bunch of mess as

·         A) Sobel was conflicted with either punishing Luz for his behavior and also not wanting to look homophobic because of punishing man for his preferred kiss-buddies;

·         B) Toye thinking that Luz is actually attracted to Sobel and being both disgusted by this and incredibly depressed as he was in the stage of doodling little hearts around Luz’s name in his notebook;

·         C) Sink asking Dick to give an inappropriate behavior lecture to Easy:

·         D) Dick giving the lecture and mentioning that it is also inappropriate to slap someone’s ass or comment on the physical body of other soldier;

·         E) Easy making the game out of this and objectifying the most ridiculous parts of each other’s body

·         “DAMN TAB YOUR CLAVICULA MAKES MY NORTHEN REGION ENLARGE”

·         “Captain Nixon, your Adam’s apple looks especially fine today”

 Penkala once saw Dick and Nix slowly dancing to Elton John’s version of “Chapel of love”

He recorded everything and never showed or mentioned this to anyone;

 A year later, at Nix’s and Dick’s wedding afterparty, he showed the video to everyone;

Even Speirs got tear-eyed;

You know how in friends chandler accidently saw Rachel naked, so she wanted took revenge on him but then saw joe naked and so on and so on?

Yes well Don accidentally walked on Ron naked in his office (he was just after the shower) and of course Nix said that the best way to defuse the tension would be Ron seeing Don naked;

So after the trainings, Ron bee railed to Don’s room in hopes to see him naked;

What he didn’t know was that Muck’s shower wasn’t working so Much showered at Don’s place and yes, Ron dragged shower curtain trying to peak at Don but al he saw was naked Muck performing “my milkshake brings all the boys to the yard” and the screeching like a little girl;

So this send a barrel rolling down the hill and the very highlight of this situation was;

Our poor, innocent Skinny Sisk seeing an old and wrinkled ass of our most respected Colonel Sink

So waaaay before Toye and Luz were a thing, Toye experienced quite common symptoms of having a crush

Except that he never had those and actually though that there was something wrong with him

 And he went to Gene and described them

Mind you, Gene was in, like, his third year of med school

So Toye goes “I dunno, doc its like, once a day maybe twice, I get these intense heartbeats, my pulse just goes insane, I get hot flashes, my head starts spinning a bit, and it never happened before”

“so how long has this been going on?”

“maybe like 2months. How long does Luz live with me and Bill? That’s how long.”

 And Gene just looks at his chart, looks at Toye, looks at his medical books and goes:

“I think you are experiencing a menopause”

Buck is a serious carnivore and once Luz dared him to eat a broccoli and Buck still says it was the most horrifying experience in his life. And this guy was in war

Martin and Bull take a spa day once in month because their nerves need a break from easy’s shenanigans once in a while

Luz: My boyfriend is too tall for me to kiss him on the lips. What should I do?

Liebgott: Punch him in the stomach, then, when he doubles over in pain, kiss him

Malarkey: Tackle him

Perconte: Dump him

Babe: Kick him in the shin

Toye: NO TO ALL OF THOSE! JUST ASK ME TO LEAN DOWN, YOU IDIOT!

Luz: Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again?

Toye: Walk by again.

Luz: I hope you choke.

Luz: do you want a hug?

Toye: no

Luz: did you hear what I said?

Toye: yes

Luz: what’d I say?

Toye: “do you want a hug?”

Luz: well if you iNsIsT-

BoB parenting headcanons - the kids are sick

BabeRoe

Normally Doc is very calm about all things medical, he knows how to identify and treat illness and it’s just a normal part of life and nothing to freak out over. This goes right out of the window when it’s one of his kids though.

If one of Doc’s kids starts to so much as sniffle, that’s it, bed rest and chicken soup and he’s checking their temperature once an hour and keeping track of any fluctuations or new symptoms.

He knows he’s being ridiculous and that all kids get colds and it’s good to build up their immune system, but he can’t help but wondering what if? What if this is the time when it’s something serious and it slips by him? He knows all the worst case scenarios and he knows that they’re rare, but rare means it happens to some people.

Babe understands Gene’s worry, he really does

but sending the kids to bed whenever they’re even a little unwell leads to bored, cranky children

And Babe doesn’t want to undermine Gene or make his worry worse, but he can’t just sit by and let the kids be miserable

Babe is a great believer that the most important thing for sick kids in a good distraction

So he will teach the kids all the card games that he knows, and tell them all the best stories, and put on the movie he said they couldn’t see until their next birthday as a treat (there’s nothing wrong with the movie, but Babe spend his childhood sneaking about to watch movies that he was too young for and it made him feel grown up and he wants his kids to have the same experience, except without the nightmares he got from stealing an 18 horror movies from his cousins)

And Gene wants to be annoyed at him for getting the kids excited when they should be resting, but also seeing them having fun makes him worry less

Speirton

You know Lip is the parent that ends up catching whatever his kid has because he is taking care of them but not himself.

He tries to deny it but a few days after the kid starts sneezing he is sneezing too.

He tries to push through and hold things together like normal, because he needs to be able to look after the kid, and b/c Ron is a good parent but Lip knows that he does not want to come home from work to a runny-nose, crying little kid, because nobody likes that

But the next day when he wakes up it’s not because of his alarm, and he checks his clock and oh shit it is past 10am and how did he ever sleep in so late

And he leaps out of bed and goes to check on the kid

But the kid isn’t is bed

And he’s lowkey freaking out,  

but then he goes into the living room and Ron and the kid are curled up on the couch watching cartoons. But not regular cartoons, Ron has linked his computer to the tv and is showing the kid all the classic cartoons

And Lip is like, okay well if you’ve got the kid I’m going to go catch up on the cleaning, because dealing with a sick kid means there’s a stack of dishes by the sink and the laundry basket is overflowing

But then he goes to the kitchen and the dishes are done and the washer and the dryer are both running

And he goes back in the lounge and Speirs is like, “Happy? Now come get under the blanket.”

And Lip doesn’t get under the blanket, b/c he’s thinking of what else needs doing, but then Ron says, “I called into work and said I had to take the day because I was taking care of my sick kid and husband, and you don’t want to make me a liar, so you’re going to get on this couch and let me take care of you.”

And so Lip and the kid spend all day napping on the couch while Ron brings them crackers and tea and medicine

And the next day Lip wakes up and for the first time in days his head doesn’t feel stuffy and he can breathe through his nose again, and he can’t help but say that it’s the fastest he’s ever got over being sick.

Ron is smug.

LuzToye

This kid. This kid raised by the two of them is so cheerful and so tough and is no way going to miss the fieldtrip they’ve been looking forward to for months just because they’re just *cough cough* a little bit *sneeze* sick. They’ll wear a sweater! It’s the zoo! There’s no such thing as too sick for the zoo.

And Joe and George look at one another and sigh.

One of them is going to have to be the mean-dad.

“Look, sweetheart,” Joe says, “You can go to the zoo some other time.”

And this kid can tough out sickness, but the thought of missing the trip has their lip wobbling and their eyes are getting all watery

And Joe is shooting George these sideways looks, because their kid about to cry and Joe has been the one to break the bad news and now it’s George’s time to step up b/c crying cannot happen okay it’s just can’t

“Yeah, you can’t go today,” George says, “Because we’re having an party.”

And the kid looks up, still all teary but with a little hopeful smile. “Party?”

“Yep! An ice-cream pyjama party just for the three of us. And a movie marathon. With the sing along DVDs.”

And the kid perks up at that, and says, “I’ll get the blankets,” and runs out. Because family singing and icecream is even cooler than the zoo.“

"Was that really the best thing you can think of?” Joe asks.

George sticks out his tounge. “Next time I’m gonna say disneyland.”

Webgott

So Web is stay at home dad, because writing means he can work from home and set his own hours.

The hours Web & the kid keep are good hours with a long lie in every morning.

(Lieb, who leaves for work at the crack of dawn, wonders how he ended up in a family with such layabouts.)

But this means that Lieb is long gone in his cab by the time Web wakes up and realises that the kid has a fever

And Lieb doesn’t use his phone while driving so Web has no way to contact him.

So it’s just Web and this sick little one, and Web doesn’t know what to do because this has never happened before.

He googles it, but the results just scare and confuse him.

And he’s panicking b/c he knew in his head that this was a thing he would have to deal with when having a kid but he was not prepared for the reality, because his baby is all tired and sad and feverish and he doesn’t know how to fix it.

So he does the only sensible thing.

He calls Lieb’s mom.

Mama Liebgott will know what to do.

When Joe gets home from work the kid is cheerfully practising their reading with Web, with no sign of any problems

Joe sniffs the air

“Is that my mom’s matzo ball soup?” It’s a recipe that has been passed down since Joe’s great-grandma and he’d recognise it anywhere.

And Web looks up from the book and says, “It’s like magic.”

And Joe knows that recipe is the one his mom always used to make him when he was sick, and honestly the scene in the living room is just a little too perfect for him not to be suspicious, but the kid looks fine and Web looks fine, so he’s not worried.

He does call his mom later though.

“You gave Webster the secret family recipe…”

“Of course I did. He gave me my first grandbaby.”

“What? I don’t get any of the credit for my own kid?”

Luz: I’m bike sectional

Luz: I’m bisectional

Winters: Take your time.

Luz, pointing at Toye: Boys!!!

BoB ships explained with cats

Winnix:

Bull x Martin:

Luztoye:

Baberoe:

Webgott:

Speirton:

Luz: What makes you think I'm flirting with you?

Toye: Why are you naked on my bed?

Luz: Don't try to change the subject.

Luz: Ah yes baguettes, the snakes of bread. We'll take two of your freshest yeasty eels, good sir.

Store baker: What?

Toye: Ignore him.

Luz, staring at Toye: LOOK AT HIM WITH HIS THREE DAY SUPPLY OF K-RATIONS, CHOCOLATE BARS, CHARMS CANDY, POWDERED COFFEE, SUGAR, MATCHES, COMPASS, BAYONET, ENTRENCHING TOOL, AMMUNITION, GAS MASK, MUSETTE BAG WITH AMMO, HIS WEBBING, HIS .45, CANTEEN, TWO CARTONS OF SMOKES, HAWKINS MINE, TWO GRENADES, SMOKE GRENADE, GAMMA GRENADE, TNT, THAT BULLSHIT, AND A PAIR OF NASTY SKIVVIES.

Luz: I HAVE TO HAVE HIM

Luz: time to get serious. Toye, put on your game face

Toye:

Luz:

Luz: not your gay face, your game face

Toye: they're the same fucking face!