Sp - Blog Posts

so about a kyman university au here

imagine when kyle and cartman’s new classmates once are so sick of hearing kyle hating cartman so much, so they sceptically ask what is it what kyle has against eric. and kyle is so confused as he can’t choose proper words to find an actual reason why he hates cartman, so he just grabs the first guess he has in mind and victoriously declares “For example, he gave me fucking AIDs once, does that count?”

and he’s so proud of finally revealing them how terrible cartman is, that he doesn’t notice how his classmates exchange understanding looks and nod. then he hears “Oh, so they were exes… That explains everything!” and gets fucking furious while cartman is losing it sm he doesn’t even try to deny their assumption.

au about kyman entering the same university somewhere far away from south park, where not a single person knows what kind of reputation cartman had back in his native town.

so cartman decides it’s a chance for him to replay the game and change the way he is treated.

he acts nice, he makes wise decisions, he makes friends with those who can help him in future, he doesn’t break a single law and studies hard, he becomes a perfect version of eric cartman. and everyone falls for it, because he seems absolutely cool, funny and charismatic to them.

the only person who’s not buying it is kyle, who decides it’s his moral obligation to “expose” the true nature of eric cartman, so he tries to sabotage him in any way but fails every time eventually humiliating himself. by the end of the first term even the professors know that kyle broflovski is obsessed with fighting with cartman and most people assume that he’s either a simple fatphobic bully or is in love with cartman.

by that time kyle is considered to be a loser and is pretty much avoided by most of his peers meanwhile cartman is surrounded by people who love and admire him. so it happens that cartman is the only friend kyle’s got now hehe.

the whole first half of an au is basically kyle who’s trying to set cartman up so he can reveal his “evil side” but he ends up as an unbelievable piece of shit himself.

and kyle is pissed because how can’t anyone see the truth??

he complains about it to cartman because he doesnt have anyone else.

cartman, meeting kyle in the morning: Hey, so how will you try to set me up this time?

kyle: I am not “setting anyone up”. I simply want people to know the truth about who you really are.

cartman: Seem kinda obsessed with me, huh, Kahl?

kyle: Do not provoke me, Cartman.

cartman: I am not. Just… what’s the truth, tell me? Who am I, then? I seem to have forgotten it since everyone here thinks I’m great.

kyle, raising his voice: You’re an unbelievably psychotic fat ugly piece of shit and you do not deserve what you get, that’s who you are, you hear me, asshole?!

everyone in the class: …Woah, Broflovski. Nice job, jerk, now you made him upset. What’s even wrong with you?

cartman, raising voice so everyone hears him: Wow, Kyle, I guess you really haven’t changed since high school. And I was stupid enough to hope we could be friends here…

kyle, confused: Wait, that is not what… That’s… Fuck!! You planned it since the beginning, didn’t you?

imagine kyle who was DREAMING about his university life? he thought he’d be noticed because of how smart he is, he thought girls would love him because he’s intelligent and nice, he thought everything would be different. but instead his life was once again about cartman – and he couldn’t forgive him for ruining his life of dream.

kyle: Why on Earth would you do this? It was supposed to be the best year of my life, but you just had to show up and ruin everything!

cartman: I ruined everything?

kyle: Yes, you did! Why else would you go to the same university?!

cartman: I’m sorry, Kyle, I don’t quite get it. You think I went to this university just because of you? How highly do you think of yourself?

kyle: Why not? You’ve been obsessed with me the whole time!

cartman: I’m obsessed? Isn’t it you who devotes all his time in his first year of university trying to set me up? Tell me about being obsessed, Kyle!

kyle: What’s that supposed to mean?

cartman: I came here, to the university as far from South Park as possible, to start a new fucking page of my life without prejudice. Have you seen a single person here who would refer to me as “fatass” except for you?

kyle: Oh, don’t even start it with “fatphobic” shit, you can’t possibly be offended by this, that was just friendly bantering!

cartman: Was it? Was it, Kyle?

kyle: Well–

cartman: And even now that I’m here you still can’t let it go. You still can’t accept the tiny possibility that I might’ve changed. So you just have to go there and shout “hey, everyone, he’s a piece of shit, you should hate him with me”. Does that help your self-esteem?

kyle: I… ugh, I didn’t think it was like that…

cartman: I know you didn’t.

so here’s a k2 au where kyle somehow managed to notice kenny’s deaths, and how i imagine his reaction would be.

first of all, we all know kyle’s saviour complex and his “older brother” behaviour, so i strongly believe he would be shocked by kenny’s immortality and his first intention is simple af – to protect kenny and not let him die anymore. it’s kind of a subconscious thing, but i think kyle would feel guilt for not knowing about kenny’s sufferings, he’d feel like a shitty friend, and would want to restore his reputation by “saving kenny”. he would make it like some sort of his moral obligation.

and that was great at the beginning because kenny is not used to such caring protective treatment, but as the time passed kyle would become more, uh, insistent?

he would have unknowingly deprived kenny of the opportunity to enjoy those crumbs of a happy, calm, free life that he had, because of his overprotection.

he really didn’t mean to discomfort kenny though, but it just. happened?... because kyle is very overprotective and sometimes he can “suffocate” with his care as we can see it from his interactions with ike.

i can literally see a scene where they all went to a potentially dangerous place such as amusement park, and kyle doesn’t want kenny to get hurt so they avoid “dangerous” things.

someone suggests to kyle and kenny to go to the rides, kenny smiles happily and is already running towards the roller coaster, but kyle grabs his hand and pulls him towards the children's carousels instead, saying that the rest is too dangerous,

and kenny is sitting on this children's carousel next to kindergarteners, with a dreary look on his face. he sees stan and cartman, screaming with delight on the adult attractions, and sighs very sadly.

and this happens more and more because kyle is responsible and he doesn’t want to break his promise. and one day kenny just gets so sick of this, like… i see how they can start arguing, because kenny wants to do something dangerous, and kyle holds him back, and kenny just loses his temper (he can get really furious when people are trying to take what gives him joy, as we see in s12e3 “major boobage”).

and kyle also gets angry so he replies smth like: "But look, how long has it been since your last death??? Two months, Kenny!! You’ve never been alive for such a long time in a row! All thanks to my care!" and kenny, who is already freaking out on emotions, says something like "WELL MAYBE DYING WAS MORE FUN THAN HANGING OUT WITH YOU!" and kyle gets so devastated. so he just frowns with a blank look, mumbles quiet “Oh… I see” and leaves.

and then after this, it has been like two or three days already, kenny dies once again, so he remembers how this can hurt. he feels a bit guilty about his words, so he comes up to kyle and they finally have a talk:

kyle: You… you really think I’m hurting you with my protection?

kenny: (Wait, no, I didn’t mean to offend you–)

kyle: But you think so, don’t you?

kenny: (It’s just… I’m used to dying, Kyle, I don’t need this much concern.)

kyle: But I… I know that but, it’s like… when I imagine you being injured or dead… Everything inside me just aches and shrinks, and… I guess I am overreacting, but I just don’t want you to go through something like this any more than needed.

kenny: (Aw :( )

kyle: I’m sorry, Kenny, I didn’t mean to…

kenny: *hugs* (That’s fine.)

and they’re finally fine. at least they’re trying to find this golden middle between protection and recklessness :3

i was thinking a lot about stan and kyle’s attitude to romantic relationships and romance in general. and what about stan’s mental problems, i’ve decided that i strongly headcanon him as a hyperromantic person.

like, when he grows up he starts having constant romantic thoughts, he “crushes” on every person he had barely talked to and has an endless anxiety on the basis of intrusive hyperromantic made up scenarios in his head.

i just find it somehow suitable for him cause he has shown to be very sensitive + he’s the only boy having such a long term relationship and he genuinely CARES about romance.

and i honestly think he gets REALLY confused when it comes to any romantic feelings (that, and also he’s still in denial of his bisexuality + i hc him having a big one-sided crush on kyle that he hasn’t realised yet)

BY THE WAY kyle, on the contrary, is very much indifferent about romance except for when its eric.

like i strongly believe that any “normal” kind of relationship makes him bored so he can only experience romantic feelings when there had been a looong rivalry-like connection and constant fights first. he also is very slow to develop these crushes.

and he, just as stan, doesn’t really understand his feelings (remember how he was told that he is in love with heidi and he’s like “no im not!!! …….am i????”) boyyyyyy😭

the amount of self-projection i put into this boy is unbelievable

man i LOVE kenman brotp (that goes along with kyman otp) so here’s an au

ok cw death

i was randomly thinking about an au where cartman got immortality too.

(idk how exactly tho, i think it had something to do with satan or jesus who wanted to teach cartman empathy and sympathy so he can understand how does it feel to live a life of less fortunate who suffer every day or smth like that)

so he got immortal and that’d be the funniest thing on earth because he definitely thought about it as a blessing, not a curse. because now he can do stupid things and not worry about it because he’ll just get back to life. and it’d save him a lot of time, he’d be like uhhhh going from school is sooooo long i guess i’ll just kill myself to respawn at home.

and that kinda helps kenny because for the first time he starts seeing his immortality as something remooootely positive?

and kenman are a partners in crimes brotp in this au because you can’t tell me cartman wouldn’t use their powers to rob banks and punish those he dislikes. and kenny just has to keep looking after cartman so he doesn’t kill himself too often.

(btw cartman TOTALLY would get killed in front of the guys on purpose once and recorded it on a video because he wanted to know their reaction and then he saw kyle literally almost CRYING and it made him feel kind of guilty… but he expected everyone to forget his death, like they forgot kenny’s, and so did happen, with one minor exception – kyle remembered… heheheh i’ll definitely write something about kyman in this au later)

anyway cartman convinces kenny that they can make BIIIG money if they use their superpower to rob a bank. kenny didn’t want to tempt the fate at first, but then cartman told him how he could save his family with the money and kenny finally agreed.

they’d be like:

kenny: (Now we divide the money we stole in half, equally, right?)

cartman: Actually, I think I deserve 60%, Kenny.

kenny: (What?! How come?)

cartman: I died twice during the mission!

kenny: (THAT’S BECAUSE YOU SHOT YOURSELF FOR FUN AND I HAD TO WASTE TWO HOURS TO WAIT FOR YOUR RETURN.)

cartman: I suffered more!

kenny: (Give me the money, asshole! We had a deal!)

cartman: Ugh, fine, fine. Take it, Poor Kid. Buy your sister a fucking doll, for all I care☹️

kenny would waste more time on calming cartman down than on actually doing crimes on the missions come on, ‘cause mf risks his life constantly due to his immortality.

he would come to a bank employee and start insulting and teasing him, and kenny would have to pull cartman away until this stupid ass got shot again.

cartman to the security guard: Ha! Try and stab me! Stab me, you pussy!!!

kenny, standing behind him with a threatening look: Do not.

AND ALSO KYMAN IN THIS AU because kyle does not remember kenny’s deaths but he DOES remember cartman’s so drama drama drama

and if cartman was immortal and kyle found out about it he’d get like super overprotective, because he doesn’t want to lose cartman forever just because this stupid asshole doesn’t take anything seriously and thinks that dying is fun.

so yep it’s basically brotp!kenman and kyman crime au and it’s been rotting my brain for like hours and now i want to write a fucking slowburn fanfic for 100k words.

sometimes i see how kyle is portrayed in the fandom and i dont understand why people decide to make kyle really inexperienced, shy, clumsy and timid 😭 likeeee it’s a very popular thing in the fandom but do you really think it’s the behaviour of an inexperienced shy uwu boi

especially when they make kyle so blushing around women when it is mostly stan who is shown to be like this (the whole “throwing up next to the girl he likes” thing yk)

i hc kyle being absolutely convinced women should love him because he’s attractive and smart meanwhile everyone’s sure he’s gay af😭😭 this exact way of his thinking was shown like multiple times in the show itself.

actually i think kyle’d be the only boy to actually be friends with most of the girls and get along with them? (so yeah shout out to kyle/wendy and kyle/heidi brosistp!!!!!)

kyle in post covid who finally started dating cartman but every day he feels this bitter dissatisfaction because he can’t accept the fact that he and cartman lost forty years spent with wrong people when they could have been together since elementary school if only they were a bit more opened with their own emotions. and this feeling of wasted years, wasted life keeps haunting him and never lets go :(

hiii just got really inspired from @hatsunevitu posts about kyman crossovers sooo i just had to do some arts n sketches w/ 'em :D

close up!!!

& infinity train concepts!!! yeah :D

heeyyy so @bloogers-boogers asked me abt my thoughts on sp characters’ relationships so i did this thing with main 4 + butters + creek + weidi

i have a LOT of thoughts on each bro(sis)tp and pairing hehehe

its not based on canon, i guess it’s like my perfect vision of them in high school

also i am hyperromantic person sooo i self projected into stan and now he’s hyperromantic and has crushes on each person he talks to hehehehehee

not all of my hcs but main ones ig

also the template made by me in case someone needs it!!

K2 appreciation post. I'm so emotional about them 💔

For me, their relationship is "Kyle supports Kenny, and Kenny supports Kyle".

Out of main four, Kyle is acknowledging and overall appreciating Kenny the most. He's also almost always the first one to consider Kenny's problems and help him with them, like it was in Major Boobage (S12E3), where Kenny was struggling with addiction. Other even more significant example is S14E3, where Mysterion tells others about his

immortality. Even tho it didn't really work after all, Kyles does something that no one did before: He sees Mysterion's reaction, how upset he is, and decides to consider Mysterion's words as true. We can't really tell if he actually did or he pretended to just so he can make Mysterion feel better (still sus), but the truth is: No one has ever tried before. Except for Kyle.

And it's not only Kyle supporting Kenny. Kenny does too. I'd say he doesn't directly participate it Kyle's problems, but I freak out every time when Kenny's trying to comfort Kyle with his words or touches.

I'm gonna leave this next one without commentary, because they are just so 💔💔

The most honorable mention: Jewbilee (S3E9). I'm just. I'm not even gonna talk about how at the start of the episode Kenny was inviting Kyle to watch a meteor show with him, how Kyle was determined to take Kenny with him to Jewbilee ("Maybe you can go with me! Then it won't suck so hard!" KYLE BROFLOVSKI??). But THIS LINE is my absolute favorite. Yes Kyle, he is special. Please, if you love these two as much as I do, rewatch this episode. It's just them, spending time together and some shit happening

Lastly, if I talk about the ship specifically, I would like to add how I see their romantic relationships: They probably wouldn't have the "childhood crush" thingy. What I more prefer is, them growing up a bit afar from each other (not literally afar. just. emotionally yk yk), keeping their happy memories, but eventually coming back to each other, as they realize how similar they are to each other and how much comfort and healing they can give each other (I can make a post about this)

ERIC CARTMAN (SP One-shot) (small drabble?)

Slight Eric Cartman/ Kyle Broflovski

'Drugged by mommy'

Summary/ warning⚠️ : this is a against fic; addictions/ may suggest sexual harassment/ sensitive topics. Your girl Liane ain't it in this fic (she's kinda awful)

Author's note: I'm finally slowly getting out of my writers block u guys! I'm excited to get back with writing, having a lot of stuff planned 🙌🏼!

~~~~~~~

Eric curled up in bed covering his ears with his blankets, loud moaning being heard by the next room. It wasn't something uncommon atleast not something he's supposed to be in shock from, genuinely he didn't seem to care. He was numb by these noises, they had become his own sick twisted lullaby, a quick method to go to sleep, a signal to do so.

He wanted to fall unconscious by the comforts and protection of his blankets bringing him warmth and a shielding effect to it, being left with the sheltering feeling of his bed. Forgetting it all, but his mother's screams full of last and pleasure have never been as louder then that dreadful night, he feared his mother was being raped outta instinct but by this point he's figured out she seemed to enjoy it. After a couple of internet searches and how Kyle explained to him about 'sex' after that one time he made himself look like a fool infront of the new kid and his coon pals. He genuinely thought Kyle was fucking with him, but once he navigated the internet he soon realized the truth.. his mother's a.. he found pages of people dedicating and even having a carrier over such thing! He couldn't believe it, it was eye opening.

They called it 'porn' that same crap Kenny was so obsessed with, and for his own awful luck he had found his mother appearing in a couple of thumbnails. No child should ever witness their parents expose themselves like that, sell themselves..

But that wasn't what bothered him the most, it was the strange men she'd bring. Complete intoxicated strangers. He sniffed, small tears popping in the corner of his eyes.

Hearing heavy footsteps walk through the hall a whole different contrast to his mother's, and the doorknob of his room began to budge turning fanatically a couple of times as if the stranger attempted to trespass his only safe place. Which was probably the case, it wasn't the first time that has happened neither would it be the last. Though, now he's learned the importance of locking his door room.

He gulped hearing a light knock, "sweetie, it's me."

He closed his eyes for it to appear he was fast a sleep, but his mother knew him too well.

"I know what're your trying to do, Eric. That won't work on me, now opened this door and don't be naughty."

He groaned, sitting on the edge of his bed, reluctantly walking towards his door and opening the door slightly, peeking through the small gap.

His mother gave him a small smile, which he took as innocent and apologetic. She hold on to a cup of tea.

"Brought you some tea for you to relax, I know you're probably having difficulty to sleep for the big event tomorrow, poopsikins."

He won't deny that was something he was actually looking forward to, he accepted the cup and took a sip before walking back to bed.

His mother stood there in the the door frame, the door wide open as he cautiously continued to drink the tea eyeing her up and down skeptical. She seemed saddened but her smile never faded, however her eyes we're sure telling.

He drank the last sip, and suddenly his body felt relaxed and his head all giddy. He layyed back flat against his mattress he saw his mother approach him pampering in whispers while she caressed his hair and kissed him in his forehead affectionately.

He doesn't remember all too well what happened next, however he was awaken by sirens, and a police officer asking if he was feeling okay. His mother was cuffed but she looked away from him as she was dragged that night in a police car. The officer who stood by his side gesture him to follow, taking him outside as he was greeted by a crowd of noisy people watching everything unfold.

Some looked at him with pity, others in shock, then there's was concerned. He managed to see his friends in the crowd all looking concerned seemingly just waken up by the commotion, he still felt himself dizzy, but there was something in the pit of his stomach that was telling him his mother had got themselves in trouble for real this time.

The police cars lights almost blind him as he was shoved inside, he watched the crowd of people get smaller and smaller as it drove off.

"Do you recognize this man?" The chief asked him while gesture a man with a black coat and curly black hair, pale skin just as a perfect description for a vampire.

He denied with his head, still seemingly confused by the whole thing, he felt tired like if he hadn't gotten an ounce of sleep, "no."

"He was an undercover cop, boy. Your mother has been in the wrong ropes for quite a time, we just needed some actual proof that she was in the business."

"What business?"

The chief place a hand on his shoulder which gesture made him arched a brow for, "son, I'm afraid your mother is a no good whore."

He slapped the officers hand off him in disbelief and annoyance, not caring for any negative responses from that.

"Okay." Was the only thing he managed to mustered, that still doesn't make any sense on to why she'd be cuffed when she's alway been participating in those type of jobs since he remembers and still, she's never gotten in trouble for it.

Actually he was pretty sure his mother and the chief had gotten it going at some point, which makes this even more irritable.

The chief rub his hand bitterly but didn't comment anything about it, "Howie here, pretend to be a client for the night. We take are job serious, we needed to prove certain rumors being true."

"What rumors?"

"Eric, has your mother ever made you dance for men while being intoxicated and doing inappropriate things with the men she brought home while you were watching?".

His eyes widen, in fact, she had.. but would it be right to admit that? It was embarrassing and humiliating.. but by his expression it was enough for the chief to realize that was in fact right.

He said nothing looking at the ground as it were the most interesting thing in the world, he genuinely didn't want to be there. He wanted to be back home and wait for his mom to reappear and make him his favorite pastries. Like none of this have ever happened.

Ofcourse that wasn't gonna be anytime soon.

For his dismay he was taken in by the Marshes, Sharon has taken pity over the situation and somewhat felt she had to do something about it. He wasn't allowed to see his mother until her trial which will be in a month.

Being driven to Stan's has never felt longer, as the social workers dropped him off and he was greeted by a saddened Sharon who hug him lightly before letting go. Stan peeking from her side with an awkward expression, both looking at each other not knowing what to exchange, tension forming but was quickly broken as Randy showed up from the kitchen walking by the living room. A shirt in hand as he shoved it on him abruptly.

"Randy!" Mrs. Marsh smacked him on his back in shock, "What do you think your doing!?"

Stan looked at his father just as offended but said nothing.

"If there's gonna be more people in this house it means more free publicity for our weed business," he then mustered quietly but not quiet enough, "Besides, a case like his is gonna bring quite an attention on us."

"Dad!" Stan shouted angrily, incredulous.

Eric was unfazed by the whole ordeal, just bothering to fix the hemp shirt adjusting well on to his body.

"See? He gets it," Randy shrugged the obvious glaring, nudging Stan lastly as he went back to the fields.

Mrs Marsh gave him one more small apologetic smile before walking to the kitchen telling Stan to take Eric to the guest room.

Stan kicked the floor lightly, "so.."

"I don't want to talk about it Stan. I don't care." He blankly admitted causing Stan to look at him bewildered. Eric shrugged dismissing his reaction, "let's just do something skewl I'm bored outta my mind."

Not long after his arrival to the Marshes he figured out why Stan complained so much about his home (a couple of hours to be in fact); everthing smelled like weed, even the bathroom.

Though, he won't deny having dinner among a somewhat family was nice, in a sense.

He got along with Shelley so it wasn't hard to make conversation with her, they actually shared a lot of the same taste in music/fashion/ idols. So topics to bring up we're easy between them.

There was a door knocking heard from downstairs but he didn't pay much mind to it just pacing around Shelley's room complaining of the ongoing hype people were doing over the weekend's new partner, as if he didn't have more girlfriends than someone could possibly count on.

Footsteps were heard rushing upstairs, and a following interruption brought by Stan and two other guys; Kyle and Kenny.

They glance at him with the same awkward expression Stan had gave him with his arrival. He hated it so much.

"Always ruining the fun, turds." Shelley commented while putting some headphones on now scrolling through her phone.

"C'mon Cartman," Stan commented while dragging him outside by the sleeve, towards his room.

Kenny closed the door as all three pair of eyes layyed on him.

"Goddammit! Quit it you guys." He spat glaringly, "it's fine, I've never been better," rolling his eyes lastly trying to push the subject elsewhere, "let's play video games."

The three boys shared a look before reluctantly just doing that.

••••

Eric grunted once again, as he was not able to focus on the game with Kyle anxious leg bumping again his. It was starting to annoy him and also, Kyle has been losing to many rounds for his liking.

"Can you quit that?" He sneered at the redhead earning a glare that immediately faded to a pitiful stare.

"Sorry," he replied back, which made Cartman throw his controller to the ground outta frustration causing his three friends to flinch in surprise.

"DON'T FUCKING APOLOGIZE!? WHY ARE YOU APOLOGIZING!?" He screamed outta the top of his lungs, now dashing outside in a fit of rage. Not knowing his redhead friend ran behind him.

"Cartman," He called out calmly, closing the front door of the house and standing still on the porch as he watch Eric who had sat down on the first step in a slouch manner, "you can talk to us."

The boy rolled his eyes to that, "I'm fine. Why can't anyone get that?"

"How are you gonna be fine after that?"

Eric stood up grabbing some tool that was carelessly left there, "it's not like she raped me, Kahal," he sneered once more tired of having to explain himself, noneless to his archrival. He threw harshly the tool twoards some crops visualizing from afar Randy and Towelie sneaking inside credigree farms.

"We should go check that out," he stated trying to move pass it, but Kyle ofcourse wouldn't let him do so.

Kyle gripped on the back of his shirt, practically yanking him towards him.

"Stop trying to run away. It's not gonna work on me and you know it."

"And what do you expect, Kyle? Do you expect me to drop all my sob story to you like if we we're all buddy buddies!?"

"What's that supposed to mean?" The redhead glared at that.

Eric scoffed, "let's be for real here, Kyle. We're not friends, we've never had, I hate you, you hate me. So stop acting like you give a fuck."

Eric felt Kyle loosen his grip letting him go. He took this as a sign that it was his chance to run off as Kyle seemed to be left with out anything else to say.

Before even managing to go down the porch stairs Kyle pushed him off making him fall flat on to his stomach.

"WHAT THE F KAHAL!? WHY DID YOU DO THAT FOR," He whined out trying to stand back up but a pissed off redhead boy prevented him from doing so; lounging himself on to him being left on top of him while gripping on to his collar, fanatically shaking him.

"You really think you could make me believe we're not even remotely friends by this point, fatboy?"

Eric nervously looked away as Kyle's nose brushed against his. Talk about personal space huh.

Kyle with his free hand gripped on to his chin forcing him to look directly at him, "look at me when I'm speaking to you, Eric."

He gulped and he swore Kyle could feel that, "what else do you expect me to believe?"

"After all the shit we've been through, makes us something right? I've gone through hell because of you and I'm not gonna let you pinned down my efforts as nothing more than just rivalry," Kyle spoke, still not letting go of his collar, "Eric, I'm really, REALLY sorry about your mom.."

Eric's expression softened.

"It's really fucked up she made you do those things. And I just- you can't just shrug that shit off and act like it didn't happen?"

"What did you think I was doing all these years, asshole?" He spat almost bitter, the fact that he unintentionally opened himself to Kyle, a slip of tongue about something so vulnerable and very personal of his.

He cursed himself internally as he saw Kyle soften in bewilderment.

He pushed Kyle away and this time he managed to escape the interrogating noisy ginger.

i like to think that every time cartman agrees with kyle on something, kyle gets really confused and subconsciously waits for cartman to start an argument so it goes like

kyle: …Yes, so that’s what I think.

cartman: Cool, I think so too.

kyle: What?

cartman: What?

kyle: Aren’t you gonna argue?…

cartman: Why would I? Your point sounds reasonable.

kyle: No, wait, that’s… that feels kinda weird. What about the part when I said that I formed my opinion based on that one research? Aren’t you gonna check it to see if I didn’t make it up by myself?…

cartman: Wtf, Kyle, you want me to argue with you??

kyle: No, I don’t! …But maybe you should check the last fact I talked about, now that I think about it, the source doesn’t seem very reliable.

cartman: ???????

kyle that actually tries to get along with cartman’s kids and suddenly feels extremely nostalgic because they act exactly like cartman in his childhood, and even if they are little monsters he still adores it, surprisingly for himself. meanwhile eric himself is trying his best to forget all those horrible things he did in his past because he feels so ashamed and now he absolutely refuses to admit that his kids might be pretty similar to how he was when he was ten.

one day kyle is watching kids playing in the front yard from the kitchen where cartman stands next to him and cooks them both a breakfast. they’re sitting in comforting silence, both still sleepy, with messy hair, wearing their pyjamas, and at one moment kyle sighs dreamily and mumbles something like “Wow, some things really don’t change, huh…”. eric just raises an eyebrow not quite understanding what that was about, so he says “Sorry?” and waits for elaboration. kyle chuckles and wordlessly nods in the kids direction. eric smiles, not even looking at them and says “Yeah, they’re such angels”, to which kyle only laughs and says “Dude, they’re more like little devils. I mean, they’re little copies of you in your childhood”. cartman immediately frowns and gets extremely defensive like “What the eff, Kyle, they’re not at all like I was. My kids would never be like that, I won’t let you disrespect them at my house”, and kyle just sits there with a smile looking at how kids outside are trying to burn an orange stuffed voodoo bear in a silly little green hat with a note “kyle” on him. cartman finally turns his head to see what they are up to, and then he barely holds laughter adding “Well, maybe there is just one similarity”.

@bloogers-boogers THANKS A LOT FOR YOUR HEADCANON I CANT STOP THINKING ABOUT KYLES INTERACTION WITH THE KIDS

heyyyy !!! i saw a person asking me about my other sp otps (yep thats surprising but kyman is not my only pairing hehe) sooo ive done this

btw i absolutely can’t draw so i’m sorry for how ugly it may look

i also love stenny, clybe, bebe/red, steek, kytters, clenny and staig a lot!!!

also this kinda looks like a template so i’ll leave it here under the cut

and aww @bloogers-boogers thanks a lot for asking!!!!! also wanted to say that your choice of otps is sooooo great like rlly i dont see enough ppl liking ships like jimthan or kenman!! and our taste is a bit similar because YEPPP KYMAN CANDY AND JIMTHAN SHARING (almost) THE SAME DYNAMIC IS SO TRUE!!!

Thing that I noticed about Mysterion and had been thinking about ever since:

Outside of the all "logical" ones, one of the main reasons why Mysterion is so much more important for Kenny's character than his other alter egos, is that we can finally see his facial expressions. His emotions.

Yeah, most of the time he's being all that grumpy and never really smiles as Mysterion, but we can have that from his other alter egos. What we didn't have, is his confusion, astonishment, displeasure.

And what gets me the most: His face when he's dying :(

Idk if it's just me, but I find that so?? Important. So much more important than just the unhooded ones

@bloogers-boogers @hatsunevitu (this is a joke about Cartman’s dad for anyone that didn't get it)

i love how stan marsh is canonically the biggest ally and closeted bi or gay in south park

i bet kyle “accidentally” sends cartman “happy father’s day” picture every goddamn year

have you ever been insanely jealous of what two gay fourthgraders have

kyle: I am not getting into any more stupid fights with you, it’s not even worth my time.

cartman: Water is not wet.

kyle: How the fuck is water not wet it’s fucking water.

I need to share with someone but like...Icicles by The Scary Jokes is just Kyman angst from Cartman's perspective to me and I just UNGH

i dont know you but youre so. damn. right.

YES JUST YESSS. and the whole vibe of this song reminds me of cartman (maybe my headcanon version of his like 17 yo)

kyle is the type to actually brush his teeth, chew a gum and use breath mints before every date with cartman

and cartman laughs at him for that like “omg u put so much effort into looking good for me dude that’s totally gay” and kyle just looks at him disgustedly and says smth like “u might put some as well because u fucking stink” and cartman goes offended “wtf thats how an actual man should smell. not like you can get it tho”

i’ve been rewatching deleted scenes from south park and why the hell do i see so few people talking about this moment

like what the fuck why did matt and trey do this?? was this really an original idea???

(took the moment from this youtube video)

guys he doesn’t even see anything creepy in this like come on he’s so fucked up. oh god. what do you think he does with these records? does he listen to them on his own?

do you think he sometimes just re-listens to kyle saying nice things to him? or, on the contrary, just listens to their usual fights and laughs? that he just lays in bed not being able to fall asleep so he opens the recording app and he genuinely smiles and feels less stressed because things seem so normal and comforting when he hears kyle, because their fights are like one of the few constant things in his life? i know it’s a deleted scene but matt and trey did write it in the script and animated it so am i wrong for considering this as canon?

i love the fact that although kyman is often considered in the fandom to be totally one-sided, their rivalry actually can’t possibly be one-sided because, come on, kyle just keeps reacting to cartman’s actions even when he knows it’ll only make cartman want to fight more.

like, let me explain what i mean. i’ve rewatched the s13e13 “dances with smurfs” that is basically an episode about wendy and cartman and their rivalry. y’know what happened there? wendy just ignored cartman as much as it was possible and when ignoring was no longer an option she just played along with cartman to defeat him in his own game. the purpose was in solving this problem and stopping cartman’s annoying actions. after that she continued ignoring him. that’s a behaviour of a disinterested in cartman person.

others? we’ve seen so many times when cartman started pestering stan, butters, kenny and other people, and they were rather annoyed and irritated, sure, but they all understood that the best way to get rid of cartman was just to totally ignore him and not give a single shit about what he’s up to, so that he loses his interest. And this strategy works ‘cause the main purpose for cartman is to get a response, a proper reaction.

and kyle, of all people, is the only one who keeps fighting and responding cartman, giving him the reaction he wants. it’s almost like he’s enjoying this, y’know. i mean, would you really get into fights and arguments with a person you don’t give a shit about every time you’re given a chance? doubt it. cartman starts it but kyle continues it – and that’s what makes kyman so wholesome. this mutual obsession.

and they both know that kyle will keep answering cartman because they both can’t live without this and they generally enjoy this fighting process and, moreover — they both need it.

and everyone knows that.

stan marsh sees two guys literally just standing next to each other and be like “oh wow is this another reason to doubt my sexuality?”

girls say that they’re bi and then they’re attracted to

the description that i wrote down is basically just this LMAO

but the au itself is about high school!kyman who started dating one day, which was absolutely unexpected, new and confusing for them, so they’ve decided to keep it a secret from everyone for a while, so as not to get negative reaction from their friends. they were trying to think of a proper way to tell other people the news (it was mostly kyle though, because cartman didn’t really care what others would say), and while they still haven’t come up with anything good, they just kept fighting and “hating” each other so others wouldn’t suspect anything unusual (which, honestly, wasn’t really difficult considering that kyle still hated cartman’s bigoted and terrible behaviour).

and they genuinely thought they were doing just great, but literally everyone understood something changed between them after, like, a week or two of their fake rivalry. because kyle is now waaay too slow and hesitant when he has to answer familiar “stfu cartman” when cartman starts pushing his buttons. and eric himself acts strangely protective and defensive when butters supports him in insulting kyle. he goes like:

cartman: Haha, you suck, Kahl!

butters: Hahaha yes, you tell him, Eric!!!

cartman, looking ansolutely insulted: Butters, shut the hell up, what the fuck, man, that was totally unnecessary, who even gave you the right to insult him with me.

butters: But that’s what i usually do…

cartman: Well no you don’t anymore.

butters, confused af: Uh, fine, Eric… So, you don’t hate Kyle anymore?

cartman: What? Pffft, sure I do, he’s a sneaky no good jew.

and then after, like, almost a month, when they are both absolutely sick of hiding and pretending, they finally want to come out to their friends.

kyle: So, basically, I, um… we are kind of together now.

kenny: (Oh. Yeah, we know.)

kyle: What? What do you mean you know?

stan: Well, it was kinda obvious, guys.

cartman: How the hell could me dating fucking Kahl be obvious?

stan: Dude, you were hanging out together any time you were given a chance.

kyle: No, we weren’t–

stan: “Sorry, Stan, the teacher said I have to do this project with Cartman, can’t do anything about it”. Seriously, dude? You would stare at his neck licking your lips, like, at least once a day. Fucking disgusting. Me and Kenny were betting on how long it would take you to finally come out.

kyle: What?! And you didn’t tell anything??

stan: Come on, Kyle, I swear to god, I saw you laughing and smiling when he called you gay while you were arguing. It was too funny to watch without interfering.

kenny: (Yeah, you were smiling almost every time he started insulting you.)

cartman: Ha! Told ya your acting skills suck!

kyle: You suck!

cartman, shrugging: Wow, dude, we just came out, don’t you go spreading all our love life details yet.

kenny, laughing loudly: (That was a good one, bro!)

kyle, blushing and fighting the urge to break cartman’s neck: Don’t give them wrong image of our rela… our thing, you fat asshole.

cartman, smirking: Yep, that’s exactly what you called me last night.

stan, trying to hide a smile: Gross, dudes.

kyle: It’s– I– UGH just– Just… fuck you, guys.

kenny: (All of us? You’d better save that for Cartman ;))

and they would NEVER shut up with this kind of jokes.

i understood i have a huge fucking hyperfixation on kyman when today while i was thinking about a kyman au in the shower i realised that i’m about to have a panic attack so i got out of the shower as quickly as possible to write down a short description of this au so i don’t forget it and then i just continued crying and shaking

i understood i have a huge fucking hyperfixation on kyman when today while i was thinking about a kyman au in the shower i realised that i’m about to have a panic attack so i got out of the shower as quickly as possible to write down a short description of this au so i don’t forget it and then i just continued crying and shaking

did i mention i love kyman crossovers? i have come up with a kyman au that is a crossover with infinity train.

first of all if someone has no idea what infinity train is, that’s a cartoon about an odd train with an endless amount of cars in it. people get to this train suddenly, and they have a green flashing number on their hand, each is individual. it represents the main psychological trouble a person has. number can go up and down depending on how far a person is from solving the problem. the main aim of the train is to help ppl solve their trouble and make peace with themselves. (for example the main character of season 1 was a girl whose parents were divorced, and she blamed herself for that. she could only get off the train when she realised she’s not responsible for their decision and sometimes things change for the better)

so basically m4 + butters got to the train to the different cars each, but eventually they would find each other. i think first of all kyle found someone like butters or kenny, and cartman found stan. they would wander around through all those cars trying to understand the meaning of the numbers. when they finally all met up they saw that everyone’s numbers are different (butters has the biggest one and kenny has the least one) except for kyman because they share the same number. and it really pisses them off, because they have no idea why the hell they have something (anything) in common. so they’d start arguing and fighting AND THE NUMBER SUDDENLY WENT UP.

cartman: Aye! Are you copying me or what?

kyle: What are you talking about, Fata– oh! Your number! The same as mine…

cartman: Yeah, Kahl, that’s what I wanted to ask you about!

kyle: I have no idea why it is this way. Probably a coincidence?

cartman: What are the odds of this, huh?

kyle: I don’t know! And fuck off already, I’m already pretty sick of hearing you again.

cartman: You’re sick?? I’m the one who is forced to stay in a godforsaken closeted space with fucking Kyle!

kyle: Ughhh, it was much better to walk with Kenny, you fat fuck.

cartman: Yes, I also prefer Stan’s company muuuch better! …Wait.

kyle: Huh?

cartman: The number. It changed. It was 167 and now it’s 176!

kyle: …Mine too…

cartman: So they are connected.

kyle: I guess they are…

cartman: Oh, screw it, now my number is connected to the jew’s number! That’s not good, I swear it’s a bad luck…

kyle: Shut up already, would you?? I’m trying to think. You made our numbers go up.

cartman: Oh, so now it’s my fault?!

kyle: Whose else could it be?

cartman: My number was totally fine until I met you! I bet you did something to it and now because of your tricks I’ll never leave that train and never go home and that means I’ll never eat my goddamn KFC dinner my mother had promised me today.

kyle: Oh, so that’s the only thing that bothers you??

cartman: No, it actually bothers me a lot that I’m stuck here with you, of all people!!

(lmao btw the numbers are not random, 167 is a number of s16e7 “cartman finds love” and 176 is “ginger cow :D)

so they fight a lot and their number goes up and up, and then cartman does one small nice things for kyle and number goes a but down, so he realises the number depends on their friendship??? so he starts using it trying to act nice and good to kyle (not genuinely ofc)

cartman, opens the car’s door for kyle: After you, my dear friend.

kyle: What are you doing?

cartman: What? Just trying to help you, that’s all.

kyle: …You enter this one first.

cartman: What. Why?

kyle: I don’t trust you. It’s probably the most dangerous one and you just want to lock me there or something.

cartman: Why would I do that, Kahl?

kyle: Because you hate me.

cartman: That’s not true! It’s just friendly fighting, nothing more. Come on, Kyle, I’ll help you with that car! Hey, and did I mention you look sooo great today?

kyle, raising an eyebrow: The fuck are you talking about? What’s the catch? And why do you keep looking at your number?

cartman: Oh my GOD! Can’t I just be nice to you for a goddamn minute without you suspecting me of some delusional ideas, you fucking jew?!

kyle: I want to know why you’re nice, because I will never believe you’re genuine about that.

cartman: Oh, for fuck’s sake, just keep going!

and he realises it doesn’t work until it’s sincere.

so it takes them about two months to fix their friendship and be honest about it. that they don’t actually hate each other, that they have much more in common than they thought. and then they’re stuck at something like 10, for, um, two weeks. nothing they do can change their number no matter how nice and good they are to each other. the thing is the train wanted them to be honest to themselves, and they couldn’t do it without admitting they like each other more than friends :3

AND OH GOD PLS TELL ME IT DOESN’T SOUND DELUSIONAL AND CRINGE BECAUSE IVE BEEN THINKING ABOUT THIS SHIT FOR LIKE THE WHOLE DAY.