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Batfam as things my family said pt.2
Jason(while robin): if i'm 25 and not covered in tattoos and have a motorcycle punch me in the face
steph: i’m convinced men are the ones with periods
dick: the eggs were carbonated
tim: i feel like a flintstone
babs: the mormons are out-
duke: actually ima be a stripper now
tim: what's goin on single fucks?
damian(talking to tim): i'm gonna put you in a box and send you to north Korea
bruce(to dick): what kind of crack are you on?!
dick(to bruce): the good kind obviously😃🔫
damian: i am not a demon for you to summon
cass: i have the butt of a ballon dog
With WFA sister-coding Steph and Cass, I started thinking about how to get some silver linings out of the decision. So, here are some potential plots or story elements that could be fun/saucy/interesting to play with.
1.) Steph comes out as asexual. Between having a baby and dating Tim, Steph realizes that she's been pursuing physical relationships because of social expectations. She's a spunky, outgoing blonde tough girl; people just assume. She just assumed.
This leads to so many jokes. So many.
"Yeah, Tim and I dated and we had a good time, but in the end I turned him off girls and he turned me off entirely"
"I flatlined briefly and it restored me to factory settings"
Idk Steph would have more quips. She'd have all the quips.
2) Cass is secretly the true Wayne Womanizer. She's not here for a long time, she's here for a good time, and as long as everyone understands that she will play the field. The only reason no one knows that she's debauched every willing heiress in Gotham is because she's too good to get caught and no one would believe it.
Cassandra Wayne is a Legend among closeted debutantes and socialites whose parents have "arrangements" made in regards to marriages. She's the muse of so much modern sapphic poetry, the kind that only hints at her identity. She is the favorite friend to every ambassador's interested daughter. Forget the headlines about Brucie Wayne spending the night with a Russian ballet troupe, Cass will tour with them and no one will even guess what's really going on.
Fandom treats her like a sexless child figure or defaults her to Steph's side. I say let her sneak into the manor at 3am with her shoes off, whispering about entering her slut era.
3) If Steph and Cass are not dating each other, they could each be dating a new or underused character and we could have another Bernard-style steal-your-ship. We might be on the cusp of discovering a really fun pairing or character!
4) Cass and Prudence Wood have an assassin-angsty hate-sex relationship. This one's just for me because it makes me giggle. People meme about Tim and Cass looking alike, Pru called Tim hot once, Pru is now a double??? Triple???? Quadruple??? Agent between Ra's and Tim.
There is just something cute about imagining terrifying quiet Cass stalking after the loudmouth Pru's British cussing. No killing! Because Cass is here to ruin your fun and watch you sleep!
I hate canon Bruce Wayne hitting his kids so how does he discipline them WITHOUT abuse?
(where's that post about how anything can be a punishment if you frame it as one)
———————
Dick: *breaks the chandelier while swinging from it*
Bruce: *hands him a broom*
Dick: Yeah that's fair.
Bruce: Also you have to use the Batman plate at dinner.
Dick: Please no, I hate that plate.
Bruce: You should've thought about that before.
———————
Tim: *logs into the Batcomputer without permission*
Bruce: And what do you think you're doing?
Tim: I know I've been benched but I just need to—
Bruce: Sit.
Tim: *sits down*
Bruce: *puts on The Bee Movie*
Bruce: If you insist on being down here while injured, then you're gonna watch this in its entirety.
———————
Cass: *blinks*
Bruce: And you think that's an excuse?
Cass: *blinks*
Bruce: We're going for a drive and I'm picking the music.
Cass: *blinks*
Bruce: Maybe you'll take this as a lesson.
———————
Jason: *causes a crime scene*
Jason: Go ahead, punish me. I'll still be right.
Bruce: *takes out a marker*
Bruce: *draws a mustache on Jason's helmet*
Bruce: It'll wash off in three weeks.
Jason: WHAT?!
Bruce: Actions have consequences.
———————
Steph: *breaks protocol*
Bruce: Go change your cape in the car.
Steph: That's not fair!
Bruce: That's the rule.
Steph: *grumbles and puts on a cape that's a slightly different shade of purple from the rest of her suit*
———————
Duke: *sneaks in after curfew*
Bruce: *flicks the light on*
Bruce: Do you know what time it is?
Duke: I can explain—
Bruce: Yogurt. Now.
Duke: But I don't want yogurt.
Bruce: I don't care. Go eat a cup of yogurt and think about what you did.
———————
Damian: *drops his fork at dinner*
Damian: Fuck.
Bruce: *pulls out a straw*
Damian: You wouldn't.
Bruce: *takes a sip of Damian's drink*
Damian: I hate this family.
Dick, eating off the Bat-plate: You and me both.
Batgirls: After Patrol 🖊🖤
How small must the world be for both Bruce and Tim to witness John and Mary Grayson's deaths
Or for 10-year-old Duke to crack the Riddler's puzzle before Batman swoops in and saves the day, long before his powers came into play
Or for Sheila Haywood to leave her son only to end up assisting his killer a decade and a half later
Not to mention the popular fanon concept of Jason knowing baby Damian in the League of Assassins
Now imagine how many other invisible strings could've tied them together
Like what if Tim and Jason went to the same school when Jason was Robin but all they shared was the occasional bump and "excuse me" in the busy halls
Or what if Babs was a tutor and helped an elementary-aged Steph finally understand her homework only for the Browns to cancel after a couple sessions because they couldn't afford it
What if the first person to buy Cass a hot meal was Kate on one of her travels
What if Alfred witnessed young Selina shoplifting groceries but chose to turn a blind eye
What if Jason lived on the same streets as the Row siblings and gave little Harper tips on how to use tools and defend her brother
What if Steph and Duke shared the same school bus, only he sat in the front while she was toward the back
What if the first person to teach Tim how to tie his shoes was Bruce at a gala because Jack and Janet were busy talking to someone important
What if Bette did a DNA test for fun and found a connection in Nanda Parbat but just assumed the results was faulty because she knew her whole family, right?
What if 8-year-old Dick, the day before his parents died, stayed at a cheap hotel near Crime Alley and found 4-year-old Jason wandering alone and said, "I'll be your big brother for tonight"
What if the universe knew they were made for each other and wouldn't rest until they realized it too
Do you ship it?
reason: the entire run of Batgirls (2022) is propaganda for this ship
Forever a strong believer of short Cassandra Cain and tall Stephanie Brown
Idk man, just let Steph be a tall gal, she deserves it after putting up with all of the Bats’ bullshit.
And obviously Cass is gonna have stunted growth from the malnourishment she probably went through when she was homeless for like 9 years
Now I REALLY need a StephCass MLB AU 😭
With Cass using mostly her fists to fight and Steph has to actively remind her to use the restorative power at the end. While Steph is wondering if she can just destroy the whole building and if she could get sued for that.
Also Steph using cat puns? YES PLEASE
Why are there not any StephCass Miraculous Ladybug Au's??? Why is this something I've never seen before?? Guys?? Just think about it, it would make so much sense!! Pls?? It came to me in a dream and I need someone to make my vision a reality. I am not okay over this, pls and thank you
Okay but who would be who??? I can see Steph as Cat Noir with her quips and her general vibe, but I can’t see Cass wearing Ladybug’s bright red costume cause she just embodies all black costumes so well…
Why are there not any StephCass Miraculous Ladybug Au's??? Why is this something I've never seen before?? Guys?? Just think about it, it would make so much sense!! Pls?? It came to me in a dream and I need someone to make my vision a reality. I am not okay over this, pls and thank you
People who are wrong will say that Steph was a bad influence on Cass.
Other people who are also wrong will say that Cass was a bad influence on Steph.
The right answer is that they matched each other’s freak and went off into the sunset to be bad influences together.
“Dick’s Robin is ___!” “Jason’s Batgirl is ___!” “Cass’ Robin is ___!” “Steph’s Batgirl is ___!” “Tim’s Robin is ___!” “Duke’s Batgirl is ___!”
No no no, I don’t care about any of that, who is YOUR Batgirl? Who is YOUR Robin? Who will always be Batgirl and/or Robin in your eyes?
Cass, coming back from her fight to the “death” with Shiva: “I lived bitch, and so did Shiva”
Babs: “I’m so happy you’re alive! but we really gotta unpack that later…”
So we've had "skill issue," we've had "lock in," we've had "where we droppin' boys" but I put forward that if there's any one piece of borrowed internet slang Cass would get constant use out of in her day to day crimefighting career it would be "I lived bitch."
Dick was the last to be adopted, Jason became the black sheep post-resurrection, Tim made himself Robin, Damian was dropped in Gotham after ten years of being kept secret, Cass possesses killer instincts that run counter to Batman's philosophy, Duke is a meta whose parents are still alive (albeit jokerized), and Steph has zero legal connections to the Waynes. All of the batkids have reason to believe they're the only one Bruce doesn't want around and Bruce is unaware of the problem because they don't vocalize it not just out of the usual emotional constipation, but also a deep-seated fear of being proven right. In this essay, I will—
Casa! Babs! Steph! My girls!
