Bipolar Things - Blog Posts

The words, the colors, the sun

fail to showcase my heartbreak

when I have yet to accept it as mine

and only mine to grieve.

THIS. THIS. THIS. I want to plaster this on my face.

I'd like to stop being anxious now. My head is exploding.

Low and low, I sink

lo and behold, I crumble.

*goes through a hard time*

Me: I must be pretending

*feels incredibly lonely and wants to talk to someone*

Me: ew I'm too needy and weak

*experiences shitloads of emotional pain*

Me: stfu you're not a baby, gulp it down alone like an adult

Trying to not to be afraid of this energy. One of the days when I feel sorry for myself. Sigh.

I don't want to do this anymore. It fucking hurts so bad. It's not worth it. I'm tired.

I write this with

melancholic music

blasting in my ears.

It's comfortable,

relatable.

It's hopeless,

as I long to be.

Fighting with your own mind for as basic thing as eating, is so fucked up and brutally sad.

back from a vacation to the same spirals and work, home sweet home.

I'm not the past version of myself who didn’t rest,

I'm not okay and I need the help.

Migraine aura + Splitting/ Spiraling = Fucked

If my mental illnesses weren't enough, the seasonal cold has been sitting on my head making my mind even more cloudy and jammed. How is any of this fair?

The cold and the void have made me into a deadly concoction of shivering mess.

Fucked and how. I need a vacation. Getting it. Then back to the bullshit which is my life.

Lo and Behold, the Low is here!

And so am I. Hihi.

Sigh.